Opening Credits
cue Run Run Rudolph
The audience is reminded of the classic scene with this song playing while the McAllister family ran through the airport, only to be thrown for a loop this time the person running is Kevin McAllister from the police. Yes, Kevin famously robbed a convenience store of a tooth brush in the original Home Alone, well he's back at it again but this time he isn't looking for a simple brush that has been approved by the American Dental Association, he was looking for that straight cheddar. Kevin snatched a small sum from the local mom and pop shop for one reason and one reason only his next fix. It's clearly evident from his frail and gaunt appearance in the poster that Kev, unable to cope with his childhood traumatic events, has gone down a long dark path and has turned to heroine to satisfy his junkie needs. Kevin, not possessing the cardio he once had, is tackled by the police and arrested.
FLASHBACK
Kevin argues with his family during his teen years. Nothing has been the same since that Christmas in New York. His parents push for him to take his medication it had been years since he had been diagnosed with psychopathy and paranoid schizophrenia after lighting his sisters hair on fire and bashing her face with an iron after he finally figured out what les incompetent meant but he continued to rebel. And now this latest incident has pushed his parents to the edge. They're threatening to send him to boarding school after he got into an argument with his neighbour Murph at school and decided to hit him over the face with a full can of paint as retribution Murph was epileptic and had a seizure as a result, thankfully the family didn't press charges. "WE WERE JUST MESSING AROUND, IT WAS FUNNY WHEN I DID IT TO HARRY AND MARV" Kevin screamed, while his Mother, who had given up on trying to find out who the Harry and Marv he was constantly referencing were, just sat there and cried.
Kevin ran away that day to the last place where he truly felt happy Central Park. He quickly met up with his old friend the Bird Lady and honestly for a bit things got better. He was even able to hold down a job at a hotel for a bit. But one fateful day everything changed for the worst, Kevin was fired for once again counting his tips in public despite being warned numerous times not to. He went back to his make-shift house with the bird lady in a state of crisis and fever. "Here, take a snort of this" the Bird Lady said while holding a small baggie of white powder - "afterwards everything with feel better" and it did not since his repeated attempts of murder on his old bandit friends had Kevin felt so good. It all started out so innocent but soon this became a regular habit, and Kevin couldn't get enough he would scrounge up cash during the days and at the end the bird lady would get their fix and send them into a state of euphoria. One fateful day however, BL asked Kev to get the fix Kev went to usual meeting alley and asked for that skag this is where he went wrong Kev was still green behind the ears with his drug lingo and accidently asked for skag thinking it was that sweet, sweet blow when in reality it was that hard H. "What took you long so long!" the BL impatiently yelled, she needed her fix and took a massive snort of the bag. And like that she was gone OD'd on the heroin thinking it was booger sugar. Kevin realized his mistake but it was too late he didn't have an adrenaline needle like Vince Vega so there was nothing he could do. Unable to cope he shot up himself and all his problems melted away, it was this high that Kev would be chasing for the rest of his life up to present day. Days past as the Bird Lady's own pigeons began to feast on her dead flesh, Kev himself shamefully engaged in a bite or two he was in a dark place with the no money for food and she was always a stalky build, it was good meat. Riddled with guilt and needing his next fix Kev delved even further in his junkie ways.
CUT BACK TO PRESENT DAY
Kevin sat in the back of that police car wondering what he would do next. He was completely estranged from his family, having no contact with his parents or siblings in years. The only person he felt he still had a good relationship with in his family was his cousin Fuller but he was a notorious bed wetter and had basically been MIA for the past 8 years after his pissing his pants in public and not being able to live with the shame people don't forget. This was all Buzz's fault thought Kevin Buzz very recently died of complications with diabetes and despite their estranged relationship Kevin was expecting a hefty payout in the will. But in one final act of betrayal Buzz left his entire estate to his long time GF WOOF! What made things worse was his despised Uncle Frank was recently named mayor and enacted a "Freeloader law" whereby any person who he deemed to be a free loader would be sentenced to jail time without trial needless to say he laid the hammer down on poor Kev.
"How am I gunna get out of this one" poor Kevin lamented as they took him to his jail cell, and as he looked up to see his new cell mates he couldn't believe his eyes ramshackled into a tiny 3 person cell was his old friends Harry and Marv, 27 years since he last saw them in New York. The years hadn't been kind to Marv he could no longer move any part of his face following complete facial reconstructive surgery in the early 90's resulting from shattered orbital bones caused by the severe impact of multiple bricks to the face. Moreover, he had severe CTE, most likely also caused by the bricks, and could now only communicate with a single phrase Harry. Thankfully Harry was able to understand Marv and translate all of his Harry's to Kevin (bit of a baby groot situation). After the initial awkward reunion, Kevin and the bandits become quick friends. They're all on the same side now and Kevin has a plan to escape and with their help pull off one last job. They agree to split it equally, Kevin needs the drug money and Marv and Harry are willing to go along if he can help them escape. Even Marv is inspired (Harry explains) he's got a new name and calling card for their crew (all the great ones leave their mark) - the Stinky Bandits at the end of the robbery Marv will leave a massive dump in the en suite bathroom. This will be quite easy for Marv as he has developed severe IBS since ingesting multiple litres of paint during that fateful trip to NYC in 1992. As Kevin has proven in the past he is an engineering wizard, and by using three containers of floss, a tube of toothpaste, and 5 toothbrushes filed down to be shanks, Kevin and the bandits are able to easily escape prison while mercilessly brutalizing every guard that came in their path.
Now that they're free Kevin reveals their target his childhood home. Harry couldn't be happier as he's been targeting that house since day 1, while Marv missed out on the plan as he was in the bathroom (re: the IBS). Oh by the way it's Christmas Eve. Kev and crew steal a car and drive up to his old house, it's the first time he's seen it since he ran away all those years ago. With no young Kevin at play, and no accompanying booby traps the 3 of them sneak into the house easily and completely gut the house of all its belonging. After grabbing the remaining family heirlooms and stuffing them into his big sack of stuff Kevin, Marv and Harry make their way for the exit. All of a sudden Kevin hears a shrill scream of his name KEVIN!!!! he hadn't heard that voice in years but it hit him like that brick did to Marv's face. Kevin turned around to his elderly mother holding a large cheese pizza just for him. He instantly broke into tears and embraced his mother. "Mom" kevin said "these are my friends Harry and Marv that I told you about". "It's so nice to finally meet you" Mrs. McAllister said now crying as well. They all embraced and headed to the kitchen where they dined on the cheese pizza and some microwavable mac n cheese. Kevin was home, and finally felt like things were going to be ok.
Slow zoom out from kitchen, into overlook on house. It starts to snow Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas starts to play
Kevin's dad who was asleep during this whole ordeal awakens and goes to this bathroom "KEVIN WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY EN SUITE BATHROOM!!!!??!!!!?!?!?!??!" Everyone laughs
Credits roll
cue Run Run Rudolph
The audience is reminded of the classic scene with this song playing while the McAllister family ran through the airport, only to be thrown for a loop this time the person running is Kevin McAllister from the police. Yes, Kevin famously robbed a convenience store of a tooth brush in the original Home Alone, well he's back at it again but this time he isn't looking for a simple brush that has been approved by the American Dental Association, he was looking for that straight cheddar. Kevin snatched a small sum from the local mom and pop shop for one reason and one reason only his next fix. It's clearly evident from his frail and gaunt appearance in the poster that Kev, unable to cope with his childhood traumatic events, has gone down a long dark path and has turned to heroine to satisfy his junkie needs. Kevin, not possessing the cardio he once had, is tackled by the police and arrested.
FLASHBACK
Kevin argues with his family during his teen years. Nothing has been the same since that Christmas in New York. His parents push for him to take his medication it had been years since he had been diagnosed with psychopathy and paranoid schizophrenia after lighting his sisters hair on fire and bashing her face with an iron after he finally figured out what les incompetent meant but he continued to rebel. And now this latest incident has pushed his parents to the edge. They're threatening to send him to boarding school after he got into an argument with his neighbour Murph at school and decided to hit him over the face with a full can of paint as retribution Murph was epileptic and had a seizure as a result, thankfully the family didn't press charges. "WE WERE JUST MESSING AROUND, IT WAS FUNNY WHEN I DID IT TO HARRY AND MARV" Kevin screamed, while his Mother, who had given up on trying to find out who the Harry and Marv he was constantly referencing were, just sat there and cried.
Kevin ran away that day to the last place where he truly felt happy Central Park. He quickly met up with his old friend the Bird Lady and honestly for a bit things got better. He was even able to hold down a job at a hotel for a bit. But one fateful day everything changed for the worst, Kevin was fired for once again counting his tips in public despite being warned numerous times not to. He went back to his make-shift house with the bird lady in a state of crisis and fever. "Here, take a snort of this" the Bird Lady said while holding a small baggie of white powder - "afterwards everything with feel better" and it did not since his repeated attempts of murder on his old bandit friends had Kevin felt so good. It all started out so innocent but soon this became a regular habit, and Kevin couldn't get enough he would scrounge up cash during the days and at the end the bird lady would get their fix and send them into a state of euphoria. One fateful day however, BL asked Kev to get the fix Kev went to usual meeting alley and asked for that skag this is where he went wrong Kev was still green behind the ears with his drug lingo and accidently asked for skag thinking it was that sweet, sweet blow when in reality it was that hard H. "What took you long so long!" the BL impatiently yelled, she needed her fix and took a massive snort of the bag. And like that she was gone OD'd on the heroin thinking it was booger sugar. Kevin realized his mistake but it was too late he didn't have an adrenaline needle like Vince Vega so there was nothing he could do. Unable to cope he shot up himself and all his problems melted away, it was this high that Kev would be chasing for the rest of his life up to present day. Days past as the Bird Lady's own pigeons began to feast on her dead flesh, Kev himself shamefully engaged in a bite or two he was in a dark place with the no money for food and she was always a stalky build, it was good meat. Riddled with guilt and needing his next fix Kev delved even further in his junkie ways.
CUT BACK TO PRESENT DAY
Kevin sat in the back of that police car wondering what he would do next. He was completely estranged from his family, having no contact with his parents or siblings in years. The only person he felt he still had a good relationship with in his family was his cousin Fuller but he was a notorious bed wetter and had basically been MIA for the past 8 years after his pissing his pants in public and not being able to live with the shame people don't forget. This was all Buzz's fault thought Kevin Buzz very recently died of complications with diabetes and despite their estranged relationship Kevin was expecting a hefty payout in the will. But in one final act of betrayal Buzz left his entire estate to his long time GF WOOF! What made things worse was his despised Uncle Frank was recently named mayor and enacted a "Freeloader law" whereby any person who he deemed to be a free loader would be sentenced to jail time without trial needless to say he laid the hammer down on poor Kev.
"How am I gunna get out of this one" poor Kevin lamented as they took him to his jail cell, and as he looked up to see his new cell mates he couldn't believe his eyes ramshackled into a tiny 3 person cell was his old friends Harry and Marv, 27 years since he last saw them in New York. The years hadn't been kind to Marv he could no longer move any part of his face following complete facial reconstructive surgery in the early 90's resulting from shattered orbital bones caused by the severe impact of multiple bricks to the face. Moreover, he had severe CTE, most likely also caused by the bricks, and could now only communicate with a single phrase Harry. Thankfully Harry was able to understand Marv and translate all of his Harry's to Kevin (bit of a baby groot situation). After the initial awkward reunion, Kevin and the bandits become quick friends. They're all on the same side now and Kevin has a plan to escape and with their help pull off one last job. They agree to split it equally, Kevin needs the drug money and Marv and Harry are willing to go along if he can help them escape. Even Marv is inspired (Harry explains) he's got a new name and calling card for their crew (all the great ones leave their mark) - the Stinky Bandits at the end of the robbery Marv will leave a massive dump in the en suite bathroom. This will be quite easy for Marv as he has developed severe IBS since ingesting multiple litres of paint during that fateful trip to NYC in 1992. As Kevin has proven in the past he is an engineering wizard, and by using three containers of floss, a tube of toothpaste, and 5 toothbrushes filed down to be shanks, Kevin and the bandits are able to easily escape prison while mercilessly brutalizing every guard that came in their path.
Now that they're free Kevin reveals their target his childhood home. Harry couldn't be happier as he's been targeting that house since day 1, while Marv missed out on the plan as he was in the bathroom (re: the IBS). Oh by the way it's Christmas Eve. Kev and crew steal a car and drive up to his old house, it's the first time he's seen it since he ran away all those years ago. With no young Kevin at play, and no accompanying booby traps the 3 of them sneak into the house easily and completely gut the house of all its belonging. After grabbing the remaining family heirlooms and stuffing them into his big sack of stuff Kevin, Marv and Harry make their way for the exit. All of a sudden Kevin hears a shrill scream of his name KEVIN!!!! he hadn't heard that voice in years but it hit him like that brick did to Marv's face. Kevin turned around to his elderly mother holding a large cheese pizza just for him. He instantly broke into tears and embraced his mother. "Mom" kevin said "these are my friends Harry and Marv that I told you about". "It's so nice to finally meet you" Mrs. McAllister said now crying as well. They all embraced and headed to the kitchen where they dined on the cheese pizza and some microwavable mac n cheese. Kevin was home, and finally felt like things were going to be ok.
Slow zoom out from kitchen, into overlook on house. It starts to snow Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas starts to play
Kevin's dad who was asleep during this whole ordeal awakens and goes to this bathroom "KEVIN WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY EN SUITE BATHROOM!!!!??!!!!?!?!?!??!" Everyone laughs
Credits roll
