MW03 said:
Suzy's post sent me to this website where I have found myself reading quite a bit. Seems like a good resource.
https://www.missingkids.org/education/kidsmartz
As for your point, RiverAg, the online world gives me massive creeps (he said ironically on TexAgs). We're pretty diligent in making certain our little dude only plays games without a chat component, but I can appreciate that the time is coming when gaming online with friends will be important to him. Dreading that.
My son just entered the world of FortNite. I didn't realize it had an online component and flipped when I realized he was chatting with other kids playing it. His best friend's mom is a juvie polygrapher, so she and I are exactly on the same page; they are allowed to play and chat online together, but at all other times, we make him mute his device and silence it.
Brain dump time-----
Body awareness:
I center this around bath time. As we bathed the kids, we always used proper names ("please wash your anus") and once they were able, we let them know that no one but them should be washing their anus/*****/vagina/private parts or touching them except for them. We'd help with hair and other things, but washing themselves started there. Through all of this, we'd randomly and continually remind them about body boundaries, how privates are private, "it's ok to touch your ***** if you want, but don't do that when you are around others/at the dinner table/ect." With boys its almost easier because they are ALWAYS touching their *****.
We reinforce this with "you do not touch anyone where they do not want to be touched, and you do not touch someone else's private parts ever." This goes hand in hand with teaching affirmative consent, meaning, ask first always. We try as much as possible to empower our children to say "No, Nana, I do not want to hug you." Or, No, I don't want a kiss. This is harder than it sounds.
I also explain a safety network (teachers, grandparents, parents, a trusted neighbor). I do not identify anyone by name, instead, I let my child identify someone in that category. If the worst should happen, you do not want to label an abuser as someone YOU trust.
So thats the foundation, body awareness and body autonomy. There are SEVERAL great books that are age appropriate for the 2/3/4 age group. I'll try and post them when I'm home.
As to secrets, that convo also started at bath time. It went something like this:
Me: Do you know what a secret is?
[answer whatever]
A secret is something someone tells you that they don't want anyone else to know BUT it also makes you feel bad inside. A secret can hurt someone, and it may make your tummy feel funny. Or it may make you sad if you keep it. If someone tells you a secret, you can ALWAY tell mommy or daddy and you will NEVER ever get in trouble. No matter what.
**I leave it at that, and repeat as necessary until it sticks. I add nuance in response to questions, which generally follow these parameters:
Kid: But this birthday present is a secret, I'm not allowed to tell. I thought secrets were bad.
Me: A present is a surprise! Does knowing this make you feel bad or sad? Does it make your tummy feel funny? [No.] Thats because there is a time [repeat date of event] when everyone will know about this. We are not keeping this as a secret. Daddy will know about this present because we are giving this to him on _____.
Most recent thing: keeping a confidence. Oh lord help me. My son and his bestie were talking about how bestie was hurt when Friend Y told girl crush that bestie liked her. Bestie used the word secret. My son immediately said, "Yeah, well friend Y should have told girl, because we can't keep secrets." Thats when I had to intervene and explain about keeping a confidence. I'm still navigating this one. To be continued I guess....
Tricky people:My convo goes like this:
Me: Do we talk to strangers?
Kid: No!
Me: That's right because we don't know strangers. Strangers can be good or bad. You let mommy or daddy decide who is good and who is bad.
If we are out and about, I may randomly point to someone and ask "Is that a stranger?" and repeat the convo. I will also point at someone and as "Is that a good person or a bad person?" And then convo ensues as to how we cannot judge anyone by the clothes, looks, speech, etc. I continually reiterate that mommy/daddy decides who is good/bad/trusted. And a lot of times, I let them know that an "I don't know yet" is perfectly ok, because that is real life. We all have good and bad inside of us and sometimes we make mistakes or wrong choices, but we get "restarts" when we want them. Gross oversimplifications here, but they get the gist.
I also specifically state: "No adult will EVER ask a child for help, especially if there are other adults around. Adults ask ADULTS for help. Children ask adults for help. Adults will never ask a child for help." Then I give instructions on how to get help if help is needed [find a worker, find a mommy with a baby, find a police officer]. Again gross oversimplifications here, but they hold up under empirical analysis.
There is a Bearenstain bears book that supports this tricky people guideline. There are SEVERAL other ways to spot tricky people, but I forget them.
Edit: This covers quite a bit using less words and reminds me of some areas where I am lagging:
Tricky peopleOnline safety:I'm learning here still. But we did get my kids a set of 4 high power walkie talkies. They are so long range that they can pick up radio chatter at nearby businesses and restaurants! We tune to a common channel some times and listen. I ask my oldest if he knows the voices on the line [no]. I ask what the voice looks like [no clue], I ask what the name is [idk!], then I ask "If he said his name was steve, would you believe him?" If 'Steve' said to meet by the stop sign, would you? What if Steve was a girl or said she was a mommy looking for her son, what would you do?" Depending on how those convos go, I transition it to the internet and compare them.
But we are already painting the picture of how everything online is curated to make him like what he sees and that nothing on the internet should be taken at face value.
It's so hard... I'll try and go find links to the secrets and tricky people topics, because I did not think of those on my own.
