On another note, I disagree with whoever told you to dump the Simmons-esque writing style. Sure you'll probably never get to his level. He has an incredible gift for writing columns that read like they're a conversation with the reader and feel familiar + colloquial, but are still intelligent and informative (also, he's the only sports writer out there that can 1) get me to read 10k words on a team I truly don't care about and 2) enjoy every minute). However, just like any other skill, your writing improves with practice, so go ahead and practice (and practice a lot. Improving your writing is a very slow process).
A couple tips:
1) Don't just type, post, and forget. Edit your writing. You'll catch mistakes and overuse of certain words, decide that certain sentences/paragraphs were phrased awkwardly, and see better ways to order things.
10 times out of 10, you show me a good writer and I'll show you a good editor. (As a bonus, reread columns/blog posts you wrote weeks or even months before)
2) Two short sentences are usually better than a single long one. You're more likely to confuse your reader with long sentences
3) Don't throw in adverbs and adjectives just for the hell of it. Save them for situations when you're really trying to emphasize some element.
4) When you're reading other authors and come across sections that you think are really good, reread them, focusing on what the author did to make them that way. (i.e. several very short sentences in a row to convey high levels of emotion, or even the way Simmons uses profanity and footnotes)
Finally, a little praise: I've read other people's papers (for peer grading) in high school (AP English), college, and grad school. In other words, I've had many opportunities to read both bad and good writing, and would say that I have a good feel for what the average writer is like. You write pretty well for a high school senior. You've got lots of room for improvement, but you seem to have the basics down.
