Unsolicited Advice Thread

4,363 Views | 30 Replies | Last: 2 yr ago by aggiebq03+
PDEMDHC
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AG
Edit - changing some information up as it changes. My situation changes daily but wanted to simplify this as much as possible.

Wanted to start a thread to discuss any advice you could give someone if you could. Mine is focused on end of life but please make it about everything. Lots of amazing knowledge on this board. Sorry for length as I have learned quite a bit… and still am.


1. LTC insurance. My dad is covered for 6 years without touching his pension and social security. Started in late 40s via ATT and Pacific Life. The amount of paperwork once we made it to the facility was insane, but he was just approved and my mom will get back payment for the next 2 months, which is something we did not expect.

This covers up to $9100 a month for private pay senior care facilities. Based on how much you put into it.

2. JOINT ACCOUNTS Joint everything for married couples that are advancing with age. I grew up on it and understand why some people don't have joint accounts… but this will haunt you later. To simplify matters when my mom passes away, she has already put me on the bank accounts.

My mom has POA (See #4) on all accounts now. It took us 40 days to get approval on everything. I'd talk to a lawyer but recommend doing this while things aren't critical if needed.

4. Power of attorney will allow the spouse to take the name of accounts/investments in joint names. They did this last year after he nearly died and it's helping my mother big time.

5. Hiding money. My dad had several failed hidden investments in his name. Told no one. Lost at least $100k. My mom worked with her financial advisor to fill out paperwork via the bank to get control of his IRAs via power of attorney. She now has a financial advisor handling everything.

She has also found $20k in bonds from the treasury hidden in a sock drawer (quite literally) and knew nothing about it. We are going to ultimately tear through any and all of his stuff in the house.

TELL your spouse everything!

6. Ladybird deeds - will be put into effect at my parents house to take his name off the house to protect assets as we legally have the time. Edit here - I get the house upon my mom's death with no issues/skips my dad. Met with multiple lawyers on our situation and they all agreed before we picked one we liked.

7. TRUSTS - had multiple lawyers explained the laws in Texas. Because of the total value of assets in my parents name (anything under $13 million), new laws in Texas basically mean you don't need a trust as it can be passed on tax free. This doesn't count for IRAs per my understanding but learning as we go here. THIS VARIES STATE TO STATE

8. PASSWORDS Have a place to save all your passwords. System is TBD based on preference but have some organization!. Accounts to pay bills, unlock phone, etc. My father had 100 pages of passwords and accounts from everything he signed up for through the years. I went through and cancelled/deleted accounts over the past 3 weeks on about 80% of it that was not worth having. The goal was to simplify my mom's life and lower the number of accounts. So far it's working well.

9. EMAIL AND PHONE ACCESS. My mother in laws funeral was much smaller as it should have been as we couldn't access her phone. She changed her code a week before her stroke and told no one. Apple requires a death certificate to access. We explained her situation (100% non responsive from stroke) and didn't matter.
OldArmyCT
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AG
Don't forget PoA's for the parents. Get one for mom and dad so you can control assets if one or both get incapacitated. Make sure they say Durable. And Transfers on Death on all bank/brokerage accounts will really make it easy should they die.
YouBet
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Carlo4 said:

Wanted to start a thread to discuss any advice you could give someone if you could. Mine is focused on end of life but please make it about everything. Lots of amazing knowledge on this board. Sorry for length as I have learned quite a bit… and still am.

Quick background: my dad controlled the investments and finances. Mom remained "ignorant" by choice as she had other responsibility in marriage. He is now officially in a memory care facility due to a sudden brain bleed and concussion from a fall caused by a brain bleed.

Dad is 76. Mom 74.

In no particular order

1. Long term care insurance is a MUST if you have past history. My dad is covered for 6 years without touching his pension and social security. Mom covers first 2 months ($7500 a month).

This covers up to $9100 a month for private pay senior care facilities. Based on how much you put into it.

2. LTC insurance was started in his late 40s. Used Pacific Life. Everyone spoken to in medical field has said your stress level can now go way down. He's also the "first person we have seen in a month with it".

3. Joint everything for married couples that are advancing with age. I grew up on it and understand why some people don't have joint accounts… but this will haunt you later.

4. Power of attorney will allow the spouse to take the name of accounts/investments in joint names. They did this last year after he nearly died and it's helping my mother big time. Credit union resolved in 10 minutes. Edward Jones today.

5. My dad had several failed hidden investments in his name. Told no one. Lost at least $100k. My mom at least has a financial advisor tied to them now. More to follow/edit as we finalize what she is allowed to do.

TELL your spouse everything!

6. Will meet with title company to make new deed to take his name off house. Needed power of attorney. House is paid off.

7. Setup finances/assets in revocable trust. Upon my moms death, everything will be passed tax free. Confirming paperwork still correct with lawyer soon.

8. Have a place to save all your passwords to anything electronic. Accounts to pay bills, unlock phone, etc.

My mother in laws funeral was much smaller as it should have been as we couldn't access her phone. She changed her code a week before her stroke and told no one. Apple requires a death certificate to access. We explained her situation (100% non responsive from stroke) and didn't matter.
All good advice. We lived through most of what you posted this year.

LTC insurance is going to be the next welfare crisis in this country. I've been saying this for years now and most people don't carry it. With everyone living longer, it's a must get. My FIL was in memory care for three years at $8k per month. No LTC. Medicare covered a pittance of that, so we just drained his estate to cover it.

We were lucky that he had one because our other option would have drained us financially to do cover it. I have an immense amount of respect for people who have to house someone with dementia at home. I can't imagine the hardship of doing that after dealing with him in the months ahead of us getting him in memory care.

Joint accounts...I simply do not understand why married people do not automatically do this. It's less efficient to have separate accounts and it leads to the issues you outlined. To me, you simply don't trust your spouse if you keep separate accounts which is an inherent problem.

My wife mostly doesn't want to know the details of our finances, but I force her to get involved at times because she NEEDS to know what's going on. I have started a Financial Wiki for her to outline everything she needs to know if I go first.
bmks270
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AG
LTC insurance is expensive as you age.

It's one of those things, if you can afford it, then you don't need it.
infinity ag
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Great thread!

1st tip
My investing tip is to NOT put any money in individual companies. Use ETFs.
I am now a USD millionaire several times over because of doing this. From 1999 when I bought my first stock (ORCL), I bought only companies and did not go beyond 18k in capital gains in a calendar year (realized or unrealized). 2023 YTD my gain is $1.5M. 2022 was a terrible loss that I don't want to talk about but my best year 2021 I expanded my portfolio by $2.45M.

My goal is to make $5M in a single calendar year. I was trending towards that this year but Aug, Sept and Oct were down months and my gains diminished. Still, $1.5M is nothing to sneeze about.

2nd tip
Pay off all debt as soon as you can. Don't fall for the finance guy talk of "Why pay down a 3% loan when you can use the money to make 15% in the market?". Several of my friends used this line of logic. I paid off all my debt (house, car) and have none since 2018. The mental freedom I feel is mindblowing. My kid went to college in 2022 so I wanted to have a few years in the no-debt zone. But I did well and I just pay his tuition myself (no loans). So get to debt free status as soon as you can, the feeling is invaluable.
Pinochet
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YouBet said:

Carlo4 said:

Wanted to start a thread to discuss any advice you could give someone if you could. Mine is focused on end of life but please make it about everything. Lots of amazing knowledge on this board. Sorry for length as I have learned quite a bit… and still am.

Quick background: my dad controlled the investments and finances. Mom remained "ignorant" by choice as she had other responsibility in marriage. He is now officially in a memory care facility due to a sudden brain bleed and concussion from a fall caused by a brain bleed.

Dad is 76. Mom 74.

In no particular order

1. Long term care insurance is a MUST if you have past history. My dad is covered for 6 years without touching his pension and social security. Mom covers first 2 months ($7500 a month).

This covers up to $9100 a month for private pay senior care facilities. Based on how much you put into it.

2. LTC insurance was started in his late 40s. Used Pacific Life. Everyone spoken to in medical field has said your stress level can now go way down. He's also the "first person we have seen in a month with it".

3. Joint everything for married couples that are advancing with age. I grew up on it and understand why some people don't have joint accounts… but this will haunt you later.

4. Power of attorney will allow the spouse to take the name of accounts/investments in joint names. They did this last year after he nearly died and it's helping my mother big time. Credit union resolved in 10 minutes. Edward Jones today.

5. My dad had several failed hidden investments in his name. Told no one. Lost at least $100k. My mom at least has a financial advisor tied to them now. More to follow/edit as we finalize what she is allowed to do.

TELL your spouse everything!

6. Will meet with title company to make new deed to take his name off house. Needed power of attorney. House is paid off.

7. Setup finances/assets in revocable trust. Upon my moms death, everything will be passed tax free. Confirming paperwork still correct with lawyer soon.

8. Have a place to save all your passwords to anything electronic. Accounts to pay bills, unlock phone, etc.

My mother in laws funeral was much smaller as it should have been as we couldn't access her phone. She changed her code a week before her stroke and told no one. Apple requires a death certificate to access. We explained her situation (100% non responsive from stroke) and didn't matter.
All good advice. We lived through most of what you posted this year.

LTC insurance is going to be the next welfare crisis in this country. I've been saying this for years now and most people don't carry it. With everyone living longer, it's a must get. My FIL was in memory care for three years at $8k per month. No LTC. Medicare covered a pittance of that, so we just drained his estate to cover it.

We were lucky that he had one because our other option would have drained us financially to do cover it. I have an immense amount of respect for people who have to house someone with dementia at home. I can't imagine the hardship of doing that after dealing with him in the months ahead of us getting him in memory care.

Joint accounts...I simply do not understand why married people do not automatically do this. It's less efficient to have separate accounts and it leads to the issues you outlined. To me, you simply don't trust your spouse if you keep separate accounts which is an inherent problem.

My wife mostly doesn't want to know the details of our finances, but I force her to get involved at times because she NEEDS to know what's going on. I have started a Financial Wiki for her to outline everything she needs to know if I go first.

It's a pain in the ass and in some cases has tax implications. All the checking and savings accounts have auto pay or direct deposit transactions (some with multiple steps or between accounts that would have to change) that would have to be dealt with. That makes it an even bigger pain in the ass.
YouBet
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AG
Pinochet said:

YouBet said:

Carlo4 said:

Wanted to start a thread to discuss any advice you could give someone if you could. Mine is focused on end of life but please make it about everything. Lots of amazing knowledge on this board. Sorry for length as I have learned quite a bit… and still am.

Quick background: my dad controlled the investments and finances. Mom remained "ignorant" by choice as she had other responsibility in marriage. He is now officially in a memory care facility due to a sudden brain bleed and concussion from a fall caused by a brain bleed.

Dad is 76. Mom 74.

In no particular order

1. Long term care insurance is a MUST if you have past history. My dad is covered for 6 years without touching his pension and social security. Mom covers first 2 months ($7500 a month).

This covers up to $9100 a month for private pay senior care facilities. Based on how much you put into it.

2. LTC insurance was started in his late 40s. Used Pacific Life. Everyone spoken to in medical field has said your stress level can now go way down. He's also the "first person we have seen in a month with it".

3. Joint everything for married couples that are advancing with age. I grew up on it and understand why some people don't have joint accounts… but this will haunt you later.

4. Power of attorney will allow the spouse to take the name of accounts/investments in joint names. They did this last year after he nearly died and it's helping my mother big time. Credit union resolved in 10 minutes. Edward Jones today.

5. My dad had several failed hidden investments in his name. Told no one. Lost at least $100k. My mom at least has a financial advisor tied to them now. More to follow/edit as we finalize what she is allowed to do.

TELL your spouse everything!

6. Will meet with title company to make new deed to take his name off house. Needed power of attorney. House is paid off.

7. Setup finances/assets in revocable trust. Upon my moms death, everything will be passed tax free. Confirming paperwork still correct with lawyer soon.

8. Have a place to save all your passwords to anything electronic. Accounts to pay bills, unlock phone, etc.

My mother in laws funeral was much smaller as it should have been as we couldn't access her phone. She changed her code a week before her stroke and told no one. Apple requires a death certificate to access. We explained her situation (100% non responsive from stroke) and didn't matter.
All good advice. We lived through most of what you posted this year.

LTC insurance is going to be the next welfare crisis in this country. I've been saying this for years now and most people don't carry it. With everyone living longer, it's a must get. My FIL was in memory care for three years at $8k per month. No LTC. Medicare covered a pittance of that, so we just drained his estate to cover it.

We were lucky that he had one because our other option would have drained us financially to do cover it. I have an immense amount of respect for people who have to house someone with dementia at home. I can't imagine the hardship of doing that after dealing with him in the months ahead of us getting him in memory care.

Joint accounts...I simply do not understand why married people do not automatically do this. It's less efficient to have separate accounts and it leads to the issues you outlined. To me, you simply don't trust your spouse if you keep separate accounts which is an inherent problem.

My wife mostly doesn't want to know the details of our finances, but I force her to get involved at times because she NEEDS to know what's going on. I have started a Financial Wiki for her to outline everything she needs to know if I go first.

It's a pain in the ass and in some cases has tax implications. All the checking and savings accounts have auto pay or direct deposit transactions (some with multiple steps or between accounts that would have to change) that would have to be dealt with. That makes it an even bigger pain in the ass.


I think you are agreeing with me?
Pinochet
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More admitting that my wife and I didn't combine a damn thing because it's a pain in the ass. That's the reason.
YouBet
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AG
Pinochet said:

More admitting that my wife and I didn't combine a damn thing because it's a pain in the ass. That's the reason.


Oh. Ha.

We have one spending account and one savings account. Nice and simple.
Stive
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bmks270 said:

LTC insurance is expensive as you age.

It's one of those things, if you can afford it, then you don't need it.

From a financial planning standpoint, the ones that buy LTC insurance (or LTC hybrid policies) tend to be the wealthier that could, in theory, self insure. The math says that in all likelihood they'll come out far ahead by paying the premiums rather than paying out of pocket for even an average LTC claim.

People tend to fall into one of three categories where it pertains to long-term care issues:

1. The financially poor retiree. These people can't afford long-term care policies, but are the most likely to qualify for medicaid at some point. They'll need to rely on family and government assistance that will only show up if they're broke. They have a good chance of getting to that "broke" point so medicaid it is.

2. The middle ground retiree. These people have enough to retire but not enough to self insure on a long claim later in life. If an alzheimers claim shows up and increases their monthly retirement need by 5-10k per month, then the other spouse is going to be in a financial bind. These people NEED some type of long-term care assistance to protect each spouse in the relationships ability to continue to be financially independent. A claim like that is one of the bigger risks to their retirement stability and needs to be addressed.

3. The wealthy retiree. In theory these people have the ability to self insure against a claim but also will, on average, live the longest of these three categories of people, thus being the highest likelihood of filing a claim on an insurance policy like these. They also would rather "miss small, than miss big". Missing small is: they pay insurance premiums for 30 years and don't file a claim. Missing big is: they choose to not have the insurance, end up with an extended claim and are out of pocket anywhere from 750k - 1M of their assets during retirement. They typically would rather give those assets to anyone not named home-health-care or nursing home so they use their wealth to pay for the premiums. Additionally, the combo life and LTC products take a lot of the risk away from dying-without-using-it like the original long-term care policies had. With the combo products, you're going to get your money back one way or another.



KingofHazor
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One thing I'd add is to make sure that your elderly parent has $50k-$100k in a bank account in which a responsible child is a co-signer and a joint owner. Lots of expenses are associated with dying, and it is good for the survivors to have cash readily available to pay those expenses rather than having to front the money while waiting for the estate to be probated or otherwise disbursed.
Towns03
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AG
1) the girl you're dating will likely end up looking and acting like her mother.

2) intern with a small land development group during or after college, even if it's unpaid. High margin work that can be done individually or with a small team.

3) the people you keep as friends will define the life you lead.

4) Friends are really hard to make later in life so invest in the ones that care about you.

5) Engage in a positive way with your kids daily. set aside one-on-one time with them monthly.
Stive
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Towns03 said:

1) the girl you're dating will likely end up looking and acting like her mother.

2) intern with a small land development group during or after college, even if it's unpaid. High margin work that can be done individually or with a small team.

3) the people you keep as friends will define the life you lead.

4) Friends are really hard to make later in life so invest in the ones that care about you.

5) Engage in a positive way with your kids daily. set aside one-on-one time with them monthly.

Boy ain't that the truth.
I bleed maroon
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a) The Lord loves a workin' man

b) Don't trust whitey

c) See a doctor and get rid of it
Feeder Road
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Drinking, especially in more than small quantities, will destroy your wallet, your health, and your relationships.
AgOutsideAustin
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It's cheaper to keep her.
EliteZags
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have fun in college and take every possible avenue to cheat/scam your way to a degree, you will never use 99% the bs they try to make you learn

plus as a bonus the shortcuts/loopholes/smoke n mirrors/flat out BSing mentality you master will serve exponentially more valuable towards your career and life advancement than any of the actual content/curriculum
agnerd
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AgOutsideAustin said:

It's cheaper to keep her.
Only if you get married early in life. If you get married later with significant separate assets, and she thinks she deserves them, it's often cheaper to get rid of her.
Diggity
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That's an especially cynical way to view life
Ed Carter
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For the crowd pushing for LTC, at what age is it a good time to get this?
EliteZags
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Diggity said:

That's an especially cynical way to view life

maybe but I'm at an upper engineering manager/lower level director payband with zero confidence that I could legitimately pass a freshman level ENGR course, but know how to fluff my value and wing it to get things accomplished without the actual 'necessary' merits/skills.
Being efficient and making the most of what you can get away with will get you farther in life than wasting time/effort trying to actually be the best at something
one MEEN Ag
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Ed Carter said:

For the crowd pushing for LTC, at what age is it a good time to get this?
License to Carry is 21, but you don't need that anymore in Texas.
Stive
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EliteZags said:

Diggity said:

That's an especially cynical way to view life

maybe but I'm at an upper engineering manager/lower level director payband with zero confidence that I could legitimately pass an freshman level ENGR course, but know how to fluff my value and wing it to get things accomplished without the actual 'necessary' merits/skills.
Being efficient and making the most of what you can get away with will get you farther in life than wasting time/effort trying to actually be the best at something

While the stance is intriguing I'm not sure that's what I want from an engineer building the bridge I'm about to cross or the vehicle I'm about to drive.
There's a whole lot of stupid that college can't fix. -My Grandfather
YouBet
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EliteZags said:

Diggity said:

That's an especially cynical way to view life

maybe but I'm at an upper engineering manager/lower level director payband with zero confidence that I could legitimately pass an freshman level ENGR course, but know how to fluff my value and wing it to get things accomplished without the actual 'necessary' merits/skills.
Being efficient and making the most of what you can get away with will get you farther in life than wasting time/effort trying to actually be the best at something
As a former Director at a big company, this is completely normal.

Rule of business in corporate America (or a larger company): the higher you get; the less you know.

Leaders don't produce anything. They lead, coach, mentor, go to meetings, and make decisions based on data produced by underlings that know how to actually get the data.

This is nothing against the leaders; it's simply what happens as you transition from a doer to a leader.

Ironically, I'm now a VP but I'm also a doer so I wear all hats. Life of a startup without underlings. It's been fun re-learning all of the stuff that I used to know that I forgot over the years as underlings took over those functions when I was in corporate America.
Proposition Joe
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Never get less than twelve hours sleep.

Never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city.

Never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.
Stive
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Proposition Joe said:

Never get less than twelve hours sleep.

Never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city.

Never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.

"Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese."
SF2004
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If it flys, floats, or bangs…

RENT IT!
SF2004
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YouBet said:

EliteZags said:

Diggity said:

That's an especially cynical way to view life

maybe but I'm at an upper engineering manager/lower level director payband with zero confidence that I could legitimately pass an freshman level ENGR course, but know how to fluff my value and wing it to get things accomplished without the actual 'necessary' merits/skills.
Being efficient and making the most of what you can get away with will get you farther in life than wasting time/effort trying to actually be the best at something
As a former Director at a big company, this is completely normal.

Rule of business in corporate America (or a larger company): the higher you get; the less you know.

Leaders don't produce anything. They lead, coach, mentor, go to meetings, and make decisions based on data produced by underlings that know how to actually get the data.

This is nothing against the leaders; it's simply what happens as you transition from a doer to a leader.

Ironically, I'm now a VP but I'm also a doer so I wear all hats. Life of a startup without underlings. It's been fun re-learning all of the stuff that I used to know that I forgot over the years as underlings took over those functions when I was in corporate America.


I love how you dog on higher ups in corporate America… then throw "oh but not me, I wear all hats".

Most people have no idea what managers do so they just ***** that leadership does nothing.
YouBet
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SF2004 said:

YouBet said:

EliteZags said:

Diggity said:

That's an especially cynical way to view life

maybe but I'm at an upper engineering manager/lower level director payband with zero confidence that I could legitimately pass an freshman level ENGR course, but know how to fluff my value and wing it to get things accomplished without the actual 'necessary' merits/skills.
Being efficient and making the most of what you can get away with will get you farther in life than wasting time/effort trying to actually be the best at something
As a former Director at a big company, this is completely normal.

Rule of business in corporate America (or a larger company): the higher you get; the less you know.

Leaders don't produce anything. They lead, coach, mentor, go to meetings, and make decisions based on data produced by underlings that know how to actually get the data.

This is nothing against the leaders; it's simply what happens as you transition from a doer to a leader.

Ironically, I'm now a VP but I'm also a doer so I wear all hats. Life of a startup without underlings. It's been fun re-learning all of the stuff that I used to know that I forgot over the years as underlings took over those functions when I was in corporate America.


I love how you dog on higher ups in corporate America… then throw "oh but not me, I wear all hats".

Most people have no idea what managers do so they just ***** that leadership does nothing.
Because I actually do. Note my situation is that I'm at a startup. There are only a handful of us. Trust me, I long for my days of being a Director and having a team to support me so I'm not building intricate spreadsheets, and testing all of the technology myself, and doing project management, and every other damn thing that normally gets done by a non-VP.

When I say doing nothing, I strictly mean producing output. Leaders generally do not produce output. They do everything that I said above which is not insignificant and is very valuable...if you are a good leader.
Stive
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Ed Carter said:

For the crowd pushing for LTC, at what age is it a good time to get this?

Late 40's, early 50's start pricing it out but try to lock it in before 60 for sure. Waiting might save you a few bucks long-term but you're playing chicken with being able to get it. You'll need to get it before any health issues arise due to underwriting being difficult and medical records typically start piling up in your 50's.

Another (and typically more appealing) approach is the combo life and long-term care policies. Many of those have 10 or 15 year pay-options so some people will buy those 10-15 years before their expected retirement so that the payment is completed just as they retire and presumably go on a fixed income.

Summary: not a right or wrong time. Don't prioritize it over the more urgent matters when you're younger (home, college for kids, paying down debt, starting retirement savings, etc) but don't wait too late and not be able to get it.
aggiebq03+
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Who you choose to marry and spend your life with will have more of a financial impact than any other decision or series of decisions you will make.

Save early, and let compound interest work for you. Set up your 401k to invest 10% of your income in a broad market mutual fund when you start working, and then forget it for the next 10-15 years.

Plan for the future, but don't forget to live in the moment. Easier said than done to balance these two I know. I like numbers and planning for one day not having to work, luckily my wife is good at planning what we do now and keeps me engaged in the day to day of life.

Similar to above, all being equal an experience with friends and family is much more valuable long term than buying physical things. I like "stuff" be it computers, cameras, board games, watches, etc. While I tend to take my time and research and ascribe to "buy once, cry once" to avoid later throwing out a cheap item to buy a better one, I still enjoy thinking back to trips we took 5-10-15 years ago and it makes me smile. While I don't even remember most of what I bought 10+ years ago.

Caveat to the above, don't do things with people you don't like. You only live once so spend time with people you enjoy being around.

Don't spend any mental effort or time on what other people think about the choices you make. It's your life.

Freedom to make a decision also comes with responsibility to take the consequences, good or bad, of the outcome of that decision.
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