Good afternoon ags.

My in-laws are moving this way due to health concerns this summer. We are in the process of selling their home. Before anyone gets into it, I know this is not the best idea in the world, but neither is having them 3 hours away with no one else to take care of them - there are no other living relatives on that side of the family.

So heres the conundrum, we have found a home about 20 mins from our current house in North Houston that we could build that not only gives our family room to grow, but also has a multi-gen suite in the front so they would have their own bedroom, bathroom, and living space that is walled off from the rest of the family. The new home is very nice and a definite upgrade, but on a smaller lot in a brand new neighborhood that is going to be a long project to finish. We would be moving into phase 1 of the neighborhood. We very likely could not afford this house in a year or two in that neighborhood.

The other side of the coin: We have an acre in a nice, quiet neighborhood full of older couples that built these houses in the late 90s. There are no other kids here my kids age so that factors in a bit. But we have room to build them a small ADU on our property. We have been quoted 150-175k for ~700 square feet. 2 BR 2 BA with a living area and a kitchen. The 2nd bedroom is for my sister in law who had a stroke and is relatively independent, but needs help on a pretty regular basis.

We have a lot of equity in our current house and would be able to keep our mortgage just about the same in the newer build house if we sold and applied it all to the next house. My in-laws are planning to contribute a decent amount of money if we build something on our current land, but will not have enough to pay for all of it, so we would likely have to take out ~50k in a HELOC to pay for the rest. They would then help us pay it off month to month.

We are completely torn on what the right answer is here, so I wanted to toss it out to you guys. What would you do? Please keep in mind answers such as "this is not a good idea" or "i would not help them out" are not applicable. We have a great relationship with them and they absolutely need to move as their home does not have any bedrooms on the 1st floor.

Thank you in advance...

Age-restricted 55+ apartments can be an option if there's any nearby (1st floor would be ideal).

SlackerAg said:

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Age-restricted 55+ apartments can be an option if there's any nearby (1st floor would be ideal).

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Only problem is my sister in law is coming too. She is semi-independent but still needs help occasionally and cannot drive. Edit to add: she is in her early 50's.

We did think about renting them something, but have not had the best luck there. The last two times we rented houses, the owner decided to sell out from under us at the end of the first year long lease. We are trying to find a permanent solution for them so they do not have to move anymore after this one.

I am meeting with loan officers today to discuss construction loan vs HELOC and any other options for building on our current lot. I keep flip-flopping on what I think is the best solution as there are positive and negatives to each of them.

Is it possible to get a tiny house of some sort and locate it in the backyard and hook up utilities? After the need for it has dissapated it can be sold/moved so you don't have a permanent ibcrease in property taxes or adversely change your house's salability in some way.

Have thought about this for my mother-in-law at times. We are on an acre as well.

Our HOA will not allow anything that is not permanent. Our first idea was to move a small home onto the property right behind our house where you cant see it from the street and the HOA was not having any of it.

AgResearch said:

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Stay where you are and build the ADU.

Maintain stability of your current home life while having a true separation of housing on the property.

The larger house with a multi-Gen suite will still feel like "we don't have a space of our own".

Just my opinion as I'm probably 5-10 years from having dependant parents that will fall to my care from both sides of the family.

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This. I wouldn't worry about the no kids in your current neighborhood. That could always change next month. Neighborhoods turn over. Once your kids are in school (if not already) they'll have school friends to hang out with.

I'm also in the same boat. My dad will be 77 this year, so we're trying to navigate that. He's getting to the point where i'm not terribly comfortable with him cleaning the pool weekly while living on his own. And he's too cheap to hire a pool service, even though he can afford it.

Commendable action and I hope I never "have" to do this as our parents are aging.

Things I would consider:

What's the average size of homes in your neighborhood? Would an add on (done well) achieve more value for resale? Vs a standalone building.

Is your garage detached? Would you consider a garage apartment and then converting your existing attached garage for more home value?

I see you need first story - consider a lift?

Have a pool? Would this be a well suited pool house down the road?

I'm just trying to get you think about when you go to sell, what's a small standalone 2br/2ba building going to bring you from a regular buyer?

They're selling their home and neither (in-laws and SIL) can come up with $210k to finance their new home?

Not trying to be rude, but what does that mean for you down the road when they have 0 income and you are supporting them? Probably need a serious conversation about finances and budget for the longer term plan, unless you've already accepted that you're adding dependents to your household.

We have designed BOTH the new detached and some segregated new house solutions.
The detached is the most common in Aggieland, some acres allow RVs/small mobile homes w/ramps.

Many elect a Seniors Center rental instead that has a pool, plays and more social aspects their own age w/nursing, just in case of an episode. Even IF the MIL designs all of the new detached digs, half the time, they abandon the idea and stay where the social is. Yes, even if a view of a private pool & Gkids are next door.

Unless the new segrgated design is a step up for your lifestyle (certainly an investment that appreciates), my vote is for the on-site, new detached digs ... with very friendly pedestrian connection, as well as for 911. Aggieland prices have been ~ $200/LivSF or $175/TotSF, the latter includes large porches. garages.

ChoppinDs40 said:

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Commendable action and I hope I never "have" to do this as our parents are aging.

Things I would consider:

What's the average size of homes in your neighborhood? Would an add on (done well) achieve more value for resale? Vs a standalone building.
Our house is 3300 square feet and is pretty average for this neighborhood. All 1 acre lots with homes from the late 90's and early 2000's. Desirable neighborhood due to trees and developer who was very popular in this area.

Is your garage detached? Would you consider a garage apartment and then converting your existing attached garage for more home value?
It is attached. That was the first rabbit hole we went down. Got several quotes and the cheapest to add 1 BR and 1 BA, without a kitchenette was over 100k. Not an option. I had no idea this would be so expensive to do. Then we would have to build another garage with an apartment on it for the SIL.

I see you need first story - consider a lift?
In-laws have talked about it, but they live 3 hours away. If my MIL or SIL could drive, that would be an option. But my FIL is the only one in the household who drives and if he goes down or just gets to where he cant do it anymore, we are in a world of hurt real fast. They also come see us on a regular basis and my wife HATES having her dad drive that far.

Have a pool? Would this be a well suited pool house down the road?
If we build here, we would likely intersect it with our pool fence for that purpose. Make the Living area on that side and put a sliding door on it. Down the road that would be the plan.

I'm just trying to get you think about when you go to sell, what's a small standalone 2br/2ba building going to bring you from a regular buyer?
This is my main reason for wanting to move to a new house. Possible buyers in the future would be a very niche group looking for 6BR with 2 of them on their own.

They're selling their home and neither (in-laws and SIL) can come up with $210k to finance their new home?
Correct. In-laws are bringing about half that to the table. This would definitely make the new house affordable but we are still trying to figure out how to pay for an addition here. Supposed to talk to loan guy today sometime about options. SIL will be paying some rent out of her disability that she gets, but not enough for a loan payment for sure.

Not trying to be rude, but what does that mean for you down the road when they have 0 income and you are supporting them? Probably need a serious conversation about finances and budget for the longer term plan, unless you've already accepted that you're adding dependents to your household.
We have pretty much accepted that we will have 3 new adult dependents at some point in time in the future. My SIL may get well enough to work at some point, but currently that does not look like it is in the cards. I am willing to accept this as there is literally no one else that can do it. My MIL and FIL both worked into their 70s in manufacturing type jobs and have some savings, but not enough to live the rest of their lives most likely. They are highly dependent on SS so we do not want them to give us everything they make on their house.

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Answers above

I appreciate the thoughtful comments on this whole thread. I figured I would get a lot of responses just saying not to do it. We know it isnt going to be easy.

Well done. You've already put a lot of thought into this.

Personally, I think the option of this being a kick ass pool house could be the best bet.

An oversized lot with mature trees will continue to appreciate, especially with a 3800sqft house. New build neighborhoods with today's current construction prices is a bit of a crap shoot.

You would now need a 6br home in a new neighborhood. Im not a realtor but not sure you would get much for that 6th in a new house vs having an awesome pool house.

I'd say your current house is probably worth.. $1mm?

Either way, let's do some math assuming you aren't a realtor or have someone willing to do it for free.

6% fees selling. 60k. There's 25% of your new pool house cost right there.

What sort of interest rate you have? I hope it's something in the 3% range. Moving to a new property will double your financing costs and also likely reset your property taxes.

You could move into the same value home and now be paying 20-30k more a year in taxes/interest alone.


For the pool house, you could easily work the design where one of the bathrooms has the "pool door". And set this up where it's definitely more like a guest suite/casita and an office with a closet room.

I think that would go a long ways down the road for someone who has guests or needs a true MIL suite. If done well, when the time comes (landscaping, making it "part of the pool") could really set your property apart.

Office in the pool house. Workout room in the pool house, art room, etc. just leave the living space with enough room for it to actually be a pool house - think dimensions for a billiards table. College football watching, whatever.

Think bar and kitchen layout.

Maybe that isn't optimal for having 3 aging adults live in it, but it will certainly suffice and if you're footing the bill, they should be ok with it.

I'm not saying a neon lonestar beer sign or anything but outside of paint and furniture for its immediate intended use, make sure it will have the feel of a nice pool house.

Win, win.

Thank you for the input. You nailed a lot of the details. I've been thinking about how to do this for two years so we've definitely done our homework. Just wasn't sure how to actually pay for it.

Our current mortgage is just under 3. And our tax rate is really low. We know we would be throwing away likely a ton of money every year to upgrade the house. Losing the land also sucks but honestly I think we'd be ok. Also surprised my kids did not care at all about losing the pool as we wouldn't build a new one.

Just got off the phone with loan guy and now I'm leaning towards building the ADU. It would be nice to have a new shiny home especially since I know a new HVAC (or two) in the next couple of years.

My educational expertise is finance, but these are heuristic recommendations

You said your current rate is 3%. It will be 10+ years before rates even approach 3% again. It's one thing to think "going to 6% would increase my cash spending by $500". But at the same time you're giving up the option to invest that at 5pp above your current debt rate. That's not nothing

You'll lose $15-20k in moving. Paying movers, buying a new rug because this house has different spaces (even if your wife is frugal), junk the movers break or steal (yes I've "lost" a $4k Mac in a move), new shower curtains, eating out because you don't have stuff, etc. I'm in my 13th house in my 6th state since getting married, I consider myself somewhat of an expert in the pain of moving.

You should budget a fair amount for repairs or adjustments in a new house. You're familiar and adjusted to your current, but the same creaky stairs will drive you crazy in a new environment. The builder warranty will be gone before you realize.

Big fan of what you're taking on and the sense of family responsibility. We moved from KC (we loved) to Louisiana (we don't love) to take care of my in-laws.

I'd recommend thinking really hard about staying where you are and adding the standalone. Moving is sneaky expensive, and small kids dont always handle the change well even if they seem excited on the exterior

BOOM. This would be perfect.

Modern Farmhouse Plan - 988 Square Feet, 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms | Floor Plan #2699-00035 | America's Best House Plans

or this

Modern Plan - 976 Square Feet, 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms | Floor Plan #5032-00426 | America's Best House Plans

Dobro Turtlebane said:

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My educational expertise is finance, but these are heuristic recommendations

You said your current rate is 3%. It will be 10+ years before rates even approach 3% again. It's one thing to think "going to 6% would increase my cash spending by $500". But at the same time you're giving up the option to invest that at 5pp above your current debt rate. That's not nothing

You'll lose $15-20k in moving. Paying movers, buying a new rug because this house has different spaces (even if your wife is frugal), junk the movers break or steal (yes I've "lost" a $4k Mac in a move), new shower curtains, eating out because you don't have stuff, etc. I'm in my 13th house in my 6th state since getting married, I consider myself somewhat of an expert in the pain of moving.

You should budget a fair amount for repairs or adjustments in a new house. You're familiar and adjusted to your current, but the same creaky stairs will drive you crazy in a new environment. The builder warranty will be gone before you realize.

Big fan of what you're taking on and the sense of family responsibility. We moved from KC (we loved) to Louisiana (we don't love) to take care of my in-laws.

I'd recommend thinking really hard about staying where you are and adding the standalone. Moving is sneaky expensive, and small kids dont always handle the change well even if they seem excited on the exterior

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Thanks for the input!

We went through a period from 2017-2021 where we moved 5 times in 5 years due to work moving me around and a couple of rent houses that decided to sell when our lease was up. It was always expensive and always a huge PITA. We did get pretty efficient at it though! But we also have another kid since then and a lot more stuff to move. I was budgeting 15knfor us and about 10k for the in laws as hopefully they won't have as much stuff.