Need advice.

We just moved out of California to NW Arkansas. We are 58 and 59 and 23 year old daughter. None of us are overweight, but hubby has hypertension and daughter has a brain injury.

I want to see my 89 year old mom in Dallas. One option is to stay at a hotel and just visit her outside. However, I'd really like to take her to Arkansas and visit with us.

I think we can be pretty good about isolating for 2 weeks prior. We have N95 masks if we need to go out.

She hasn't been great about isolating and she's been going out a lot ( gets her hair and nails done regularly). I think she would need to isolate too.

She wants to see where we are living. I think she'd also like to see us during the holidays.

My grandmother is 88. Cancer survivor, kidneys not great.

She has not been going out into public much at all (other than to beauty shop to get hair set).

She has however been to family functions. Went to her lakehouse with 11 other family members for a weekend. Went to beach for 2 weeks with 8 other family members. My wife, child, and I went to see her yesterday for a couple hours at her house.

She lives in a town of 30,000 instead of 1 mil but I think we are all ok taking the risk to be around family.

She's had several close calls recently, and I don't think I have much time with her. I'm just trying to safely plan a visit.

We've had talks like this with my folks - who are NOT staying inside as much as we'd prefer. Bottom line, we all understand the risks and can live with the consequences. Sickness and death are a part of our sinful world. As long as you both understand that you are increasing your risk moderately, then I say do whatever you wish.

Have your husband transport her. Have her sit in the back. Have your husband wear a mask.

When she is at your place in Arkansas, have her keep six feet away. Have everyone wash their hands. Basically the same things you are probably already doing.

Why would you send the highest risk individual to pick her up?

Duncan Idaho said:

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Why would you send the highest risk individual to pick her up?

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Okay, you tell her who to go get her mom.

There is no 100 percent safe way to do it. But from what you described, she is more likely to have it than your family is. Have her not go out for about a week. Y'all don't go out anywhere for a week That should be enough time for symptoms to present if either of you have it. Then go pick her up and bring her to your place. Minimize stops between the two places. If you have to stop, wear a mask when you go inside. Use handsantizer immediately upon reentering the vehicle.

We recently had my mom fly to visit us in Alaska for 2 weeks because she was missing the grandkids and we all wanted a little more family interactions (maybe I shouldn't have moved to Alaska). Both parties take COVID seriously. Alaska requires a negative test taken within 72 hours to your landing. Prior to her trip my mom was extra diligent about limiting her public interactions such as grocery stores etc. She even stepped up her game and started wearing gloves in public. She'll knew that a positive test so close to a trip to see the grandkids would break her heart.

She got a rapid test from her doctor in Crockett and the test was negative, she was cleared to fly. Alaska airlines still flys without about 1/3'rd of the seats empty as all middle seats are vacant unless it is your traveling party. Also, she flew first class. Similarly they are only seating 1/2 of first class as each side only has one person. When she landed, Alaska then requires another test be taken. That test also came back negative 3 days later.

From our end, my work requires me to travel within the State. As our protocol, we test prior to and when we return as well. I've been negative each time so we were all comfortable that we'd be free from passing something to each other. The only variable in the mix was the flight. My mom took care to wipe things down, sanitize often, and interact as little as possible. All in all it was a great trip and something I think both sides needed to get a bit of normalcy.

It sounds like you have a bit more potential complications as your mom is about 18 years older than mine, but I think if both sides want this to happen there are ways to limit your potential exposure. Everyone can test prior to so you all know definitively if someone is asymptomatic. From there you can work out logistics of getting her to you whether it be flying or driving. Good luck.

SVaggie84 said:

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I'm worried about us giving her something. She had a stroke recently, and I don't know how she is mentally, so I need to be the one making wise decisions.

I also don't want her to give my husband or daughter something.

I can handle risks for myself. Just don't want to put others at risk.

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I also don't want her to give my husband or daughter something.

What in the world could she give them? I mean, if it was something bad, it would have already taken her, don't you think?

But I feel ya, I haven't seen my 84 yr old still smokin' and drinkin' Dad in Houston since Christmas....because I have two 18 yr olds (who are all over the place, getting ready for college) and a 7 year old. He understands, but it still sucks. It would be the worst, the worst...to find out we gave him the Covid and he took a bad turn. My brother would kill me.

One of my lifelong best friends was working on a boat with his 77 year old dad and didn't know he had CV until a couple days later. His dad died about two weeks later. His dad wanted to help and be with him, but it's been hard on him knowing he passed it along.

It's a tough decision. At her age anything could trigger a life ending cascade. I guess being around people she loves would be worth the risk when you're already past any life expectancy. If she's like my grandmother who smoked for 60 years and made gravy for every meal, she'd probably beat it just out of orneriness.

I struggle with this because my wife has one grandmother left and she is in an assisted living with her own cottage. She is a very social person, but this has done a number on her because we are all trying to protect her by only seeing her from afar. It has drove her crazy because she is so loving. There is nothing better than time with her and hearing her stories.

My wife's family has to fight with her to tell her that she is safer at home, but what kind of life is that for her? I understand that we want to protect her. But she is so miserable. Fortunately, on her birthday, we all went by to see her and all met outside. Her cottage has a big enough front yard for us all. She was ecstatic to see us. We tried to keep our distance, but she wanted to hug and kiss us all. We all did.

Thankfully, none of us were sick but wow, that is what she needed. I think to how I would be. Would I be willing to give my life to live rather than just living a life to survive? I guess it all depends on what kind of perspective we all have. As a woman of faith, she knows where she is going when she passes. That is why she is so peaceful and full of joy all the time.

I dont know what the answer is but I believe every family should be able to make that decision. Man, this is tough for us all. My prayers are with you that you feel at peace with whatever decision you make because it isnt easy.

Flip side, my mom had cancer and it progresses to where she had appointments multiple times a week so her and my dad moved into an apartment in the med center in houston for her appointments at md Anderson. It was great having her so close, we went over and saw her multiple times a week, they came here, etc. Then this virus hit so we followed recommendations and social distanced. She passed away from the cancer a couple months ago and we basically wasted the last good months of her life not visiting because we were afraid to pass her the virus.

Not saying we regret it or wish we would've made a different decision. We wanted to give her as much of a fighting chance as we could. But it sucks.