Scientology Speedruns

2,807 Views | 26 Replies | Last: 5 days ago by MAS444
Ghost of Bisbee
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11:24a, 4/28/26
AG
Anyone else following the viral speedrun "games" happening at the Scientology HQ in LA? Absolutely hilarious

Kids are rushing the entrance and seeing how far up they can make it to the secretive floors before being forced out. Then they're helping map out the floor plan online for others. A real life roguelike video game experience.
This has to be one of the funniest ways to troll Scientology

My favorite is this bard:






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Tree Hugger
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12:11p, 4/28/26
AG
This looks like a bunch of fun, they need to get some of the hardcore Parkour types to really infiltrate.
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javajaws
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12:18p, 4/28/26
AG
Kind of hoping they build in a fake door/hallway somewhere that lets them in but then traps them in place.
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Ghost of Bisbee
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12:18p, 4/28/26
AG


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Milwaukees Best Light
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12:20p, 4/28/26
AG
Those nut jobs are going to ruin some poor kid any day now. They will find some way to prosecute and/or sue the crap out of one of them to try and make an example out of them. That is step 1 in their playbook.
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dabo man
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In reply to Ghost of Bisbee • 12:30p, 4/28/26
AG
I WOULD NOT cross these people. They are f***ing ruthless.
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JobSecurity
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3:01p, 4/28/26
AG
so far they've made it up one flight of stairs to another lobby? Kind of pitiful
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IIIHorn
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3:39p, 4/28/26
Are they chasing thetans?


( ...voice punctuated with a clap of distant thunder... )
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Ogre09
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In reply to Milwaukees Best Light • 4:25p, 4/28/26
AG
Milwaukees Best Light said:
Those nut jobs are going to ruin some poor kid any day now. They will find some way to prosecute and/or sue the crap out of one of them to try and make an example out of them. That is step 1 in their playbook.



I don't think they have much to lose here. Prosecute for what? Trespassing? Pretty minor offense. Sue for what? Trespassing? How much could they get for that? All $57 in the kid's checking account?
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normaleagle05
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In reply to Ogre09 • 5:48p, 4/28/26
AG
Agreed. On top of that, persecuting some likely low income minority teens in LA seems like a great way to find your organization on the receiving end of a GameStop type groundswell.
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Milwaukees Best Light
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6:03p, 4/28/26
AG
Fake an injury and now it is an assault charge. It would be easy to escalate charges with connections to the right people. And these crazy mf'ers have some connected members. One of these kids will find out the hard way.
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Ihatefallscounty
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In reply to Milwaukees Best Light • 9:49a, 4/29/26
AG
Milwaukees Best Light said:
Fake an injury and now it is an assault charge. It would be easy to escalate charges with connections to the right people. And these crazy mf'ers have some connected members. One of these kids will find out the hard way.

no I agree to all that, and how ruthless these people are. AND IF TOM CRUISE GETS INVOLVED EVERYONES GONNA GET SMOKED

but i cannot, and will not stop laughing at how hilarious this is. for all the terrible things scientology has done, this is absolutely amazing lol.
I live in waco....therefore, I am ready to move elsewhere.
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Milwaukees Best Light
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In reply to Ihatefallscounty • 10:07a, 4/29/26
AG
Ihatefallscounty said:
Milwaukees Best Light said:
Fake an injury and now it is an assault charge. It would be easy to escalate charges with connections to the right people. And these crazy mf'ers have some connected members. One of these kids will find out the hard way.

no I agree to all that, and how ruthless these people are. AND IF TOM CRUISE GETS INVOLVED EVERYONES GONNA GET SMOKED

but i cannot, and will not stop laughing at how hilarious this is. for all the terrible things scientology has done, this is absolutely amazing lol.

Completely agree. These stuffy weirdos being tormented by teenagers. Just like when they were kids. The cool kids picking on them again!
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Blonde Coffee Beans
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11:32a, 4/29/26
The heavenly father of Science is going to condemn those kids to hell
"I don't care about your feelings OP. I'm not going to let fandom replace reason, thought, and history"
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Ghost of Bisbee
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11:12a, 4/30/26
AG
The kids have unlocked a new level





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nai06
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In reply to Milwaukees Best Light • 9:57p, 4/30/26
AG
Milwaukees Best Light said:
Fake an injury and now it is an assault charge. It would be easy to escalate charges with connections to the right people. And these crazy mf'ers have some connected members. One of these kids will find out the hard way.

The hard part is going to be proving that injury. All of this is being filmed and the majority of these people are taking the path of least resistance. They aren't bum rushing, throwing elbows, or tackling people.



As mentioned above, they have removed door handles and in some cases chained doors closed from the inside (seems like that's a fire hazard and against code). It's also expanded from the original Hollywood location to other locales. After all the money and lawfare, the one thing Scientology couldn't prepare for is TikTok.
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AggieArchitect04
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6:32a, 5/1/26
AG
Totally tracks that Scientologists would violate fire code by chaining the doors locked. They would rather you burn alive then escape their clutches.
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taxpreparer
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2:45p, 5/1/26
AG
Scientologists are nuts, possibly evil, but I do not condone this anymore than teens doing speed runs of any random office building.
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Pantera
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In reply to taxpreparer • 3:18p, 5/1/26
AG
taxpreparer said:
Scientologists are nuts, possibly evil, but I do condone this anymore than teens doing speed runs of any random office building.


now we even have the tax preparers on board!
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Ghost of Bisbee
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12:53p, 5/2/26
AG
The dwarves have been called

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Krazykat
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2:35p, 5/2/26
AG
Why is there a cross on the top of the scientology building?
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Burdizzo
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In reply to JobSecurity • 6:39p, 5/2/26
AG
JobSecurity said:
so far they've made it up one flight of stairs to another lobby? Kind of pitiful


In a just world they would find Shelly Miscaviage
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Burdizzo
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In reply to Blonde Coffee Beans • 6:40p, 5/2/26
AG
Blonde Coffee Beans said:
The heavenly father of Science is going to condemn those kids to hell


They will be reincarnated as clams and end up in clam dip.
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vmiaptetr
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7:41a, 5/3/26
AG
I bet the Masons could make it to the top of the building.
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taxpreparer
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In reply to Pantera • 8:12a, 5/3/26
AG
Edited my post to say "do not condone."
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Cromagnum
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In reply to Ghost of Bisbee • 10:54a, 5/3/26
AG
Ghost of Bisbee said:




You know the guy peeking through the door is a chimo.
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MAS444
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In reply to Cromagnum • 9:12a, 5/4/26
AG
That dude is creepy as hell.
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