We've been against social media particularly for teens. Primary reason is access and potential to get addicted.

Lately we are hearing how teens use SnapChat to communicate, organize, and of course socialize.

Is the app as bad as we hear. Should I rethink my stance based on this being a different age and the younger generation communicates differently…concerned with being left out. Is it possible to set significant guardrails and monitor.

I respect the opinions here.

Age of teens makes a huge difference. It is bad in allowing you to oversee what they do. You cannot see the contents of their chats. So that is a no-go for me for younger teens.

They also enable location sharing which has obvious pitfalls.

Other than that, no worse than the others (none are good for their development) and it is THE app for this age group.

I am a school administrator and will not allow my own kids to have SnapChat because you can't really monitor what is being sent/received. After a snap is seen, it disappears. Can't tell you how many afternoons I've spent with students and families who are dealing with true bullying because of what is sent on SnapChat. There are other platforms but the only thing a teen needs is the regular text app.

Snap is a hard No for our teens. Not allowed.

Are there any younger (relative to us olds anyhow) Ags on here who can speak to the difference in Snapchat as a junior/senior in high school vs. a freshman at A&M?

With most things I'd agree with the preacher's son syndrome, but if the dangers mostly disappear once you're out of high school it might best be avoided.

misterguinness said:

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I am a school administrator and will not allow my own kids to have SnapChat because you can't really monitor what is being sent/received. After a snap is seen, it disappears. Can't tell you how many afternoons I've spent with students and families who are dealing with true bullying because of what is sent on SnapChat. There are other platforms but the only thing a teen needs is the regular text app.

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I loved teaching HS, but can only imagine how much more complicated/difficult it is now. Thanks!

No disrespect intended, but a new reason for homeschooling, at least to me.

Just because your child isn't on Snap doesn't mean it won't be used to bully your kid.

Our kid was against SM because he knew it was toxic. One day, his friend showed him a Pic that was being sent around about him and he decided to get on SM so he could see what was being passed around. He felt it was worse not knowing because kids would reference stuff. Once the other kids knew he was on, it went away because he could report them.

Snap doesn't go away, IIRC. It is hidden but can still be on the phone.

Also, once they started having outings, like game parties... everyone would start laughing or commenting and he'd have no context/knowledge. That works for a while...

Rubicante said:

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Are there any younger (relative to us olds anyhow) Ags on here who can speak to the difference in Snapchat as a junior/senior in high school vs. a freshman at A&M?

With most things I'd agree with the preacher's son syndrome, but if the dangers mostly disappear once you're out of high school it might best be avoided.

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No, but I can speak to the research. Every year you delay, the less likely to have addiction, reduced focus, impaired recall, or other cognitive/emotional problems.

There is no magical age, it is all bad. Late teens is the right answer, but few parents can stand the pressure from their kids.

As a parent of kids who made that jump... and have a really good relationship with our kids...

It changed. It changed in how others used it and how kids received it.

In HS, like a lot of things, you are hostage to a group. As I told my kids, you go to HS primarly based on tour parent's decision. If you live in a house, you get the HS based on where your parents decided to live. If you go to private school... that is a decision your parents make, if it is possible for them, with your guidance/input.

College... you get to go anywhere you apply and get accepted. Usually, it is to a place of interest for you and you join like-minded people. My son never applied to A&M because many of the toxic people in his school went there. Their n parents were equally toxic to him... and to us. We were both Ags, but some of them probably didn't remember.

Anyway, Snap is used to bully kids in HS. As is usual, many of the bullies in HS have peaked and are nobodies in college. Kids who bullied in HS tend to get laughed at in college. And so, their content goes off the rails and often they don't heir own way. Also, kids mature going to college and can avoid toxic people easier.

I have multiple reports from my kids where they walked right past people they knew from their HS and the other person never recognized them. That was an epiphany for them.

There is balance to everything. We don't allow young children to watch porn or graphically violent media, because their brains are not capable of handling it. Some teens are probably fine being on social media, some may not be ready. Broadly denouncing any attempt to choose the best for parents' own children as being overly strict is not accurate.

I habe seen parents who offered to pay their children monthly for not having a social media account during highschool.

We have 20 and 17 year old sons.

I learned years ago that you can't outrun tech and the kids are smarter than we are about it.

I would be in favor of draconian bans on social media stronger than what the Aussies recently implemented - for minors.

That said, we are not perfect but I think our boys have turned out well. Just because tech exists doesn't mean you can't have high expectations in the things that actually matter. Our kids have done very well in school/academics, athletics, and both of them work outside the home. We are involved in their daily lives and emphasize family and country always. We attend church as a family. We try to eat dinner together most nights.

Tech is here, it aint going away, but the basics still exist and are probably more important than ever.

Talk to your kids about the people in their lives. Know their friends. When they struggle look for patterns in those struggles. Are they struggling with friends or teachers and why, what's the basis of those struggles? Our daughter always had extremely high standards for the people she let into her life and cycled through several "close friends" from 6th grade through graduation. That cycle slowed down as she got to college and now her friend group is about a few girls from college and her two longest friendships from HS.

We never talked specifically about apps they could or couldn't use but we did talk about Social Media as a net negative in their life and the need to avoid toxic people whether they were real or virtual. Social media makes it easier for toxic people to get into your life but at the end of the day you still have to distance yourself from them.

The most important thing we did was share our own lives with them. I have close relatives that are toxic people and I make an effort to keep them close enough so they know I love them and I'm here but far enough that their BS doesn't bleed into my life. Seeing me struggle with those relationships and watching me have the ability to keep those people at a safe distance taught our kids it's ok to distance yourself from people if they don't contribute to your life in a positive way.

TLDR. Teach your kids to avoid toxic people whether they're real or virtual. Social media is just a way for those people to get to a place you don't want them to be. Don't let that happen.

Great advice.

I've also tried to add in a more scientific approach beyond just morals and values. Gen Z likes facts, logic, and reason. I've approached porn, doom scrolling, and social media in general, from both a values driven side and scientific/health perspective.

Read the Anxious Generation by Haidt.

Let your kids read it.

Then you will both understand the dangers and the evils lurking. And then you will feel better for being a good parent and saying no.

We didn't allow it until our daughter turned 17.

Yes it is bad, I know a couple people who have used Snapchat to hide their affairs and illicit transactions as the messages are gone after you read them. This could apply to your children in many ways: sexual predators, sex, drugs etc. There is no know way to know what those messages, both text and picture are.

This was infuriating to read. I'm sorry you had to deal with that kinda toxicity.

agsquirrel97 said:

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It is about raising good young adults who can make good decisions.

The preachers son syndrome comes to mind. Try to keep kids insulated from everything and they can't get enough when they get their first taste.

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I see your point. My dad used to give me a sip of his beer when I was 6 or 7. It was a thrill and I remember not liking the beer but taking the sip was fun. I never felt the urge to get wasted when I got into college.

I did the same my son, he is the same way, doesn't get drunk in college while some friends do.

zero social media for our teen

no facebook, no instagram, no snapchat, no whatsapp, no twitter, no nothing

it is the root of all modern evil

gambochaman said:

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zero social media for our teen

no facebook, no instagram, no snapchat, no whatsapp, no twitter, no nothing

it is the root of all modern evil

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What's your plan for college when they have sudden freedom and you aren't there to restrict what they do? Not being an ass by any means just pushing you to contemplate a world where you aren't making decisions for them. At some point your job is to teach them make decisions for themselves and this approach isn't doing that.

My $.02. It's a difficult aspect of parenting for sure.

Snapchat is now the equivalent of texts (but kids dont use texts for some reason). It has a bad feature which is that a few kids generate thousands of texts and useless pictures of their shoes of a door of the window). Turn off the notifications if you dont want your child checking their phone every 3 seconds.

What we chose to do:
We have a 13 year old who wanted it to be able to plan activities with her 7th grade friends.

But we didn't want it on her phone (rarely used - only when she is at dance or something and we need to be able to track her and pick her up etc.).

So we put Snapchat on my wifes phone with our daughters ID. The daughter can go to my wifes phone and use it occassionally but the account is 100% reviewable by my wife.


Allowed its use but with very clear parameters that keep her safe.

Mrs oh no and I tried to be staunchly against the social media with our oldest.. .he begged us for snap chat in 5th and 6th grade. He tried to convince us that it's how everyone communicates these days and he was missing out and he was the only one without it, etc.. we didn't believe him and then felt really guilty when we finally let him have it in 7th grade and all of a sudden he had lots of friends and a far more active social life. So he was right. ...after that, our younger two got it a little earlier than he did. All three teens are fine. All great kids. Very busy lives with school, sports, service orgs, jobs, and lots of friends and social lives. Snap really is how they all communicate with each other. Oldest is going to college next year.

It's tough as there is no monitoring or spyware for snap if you want to keep helicoptering and watching out for bullying or inappropriate content and things disappear. You just have to try to raise them right and let them learn how to interact socially in person and digitally and learn from any mistakes. ...and DON'T let them sit down and rot their brains by scrolling insta reels and tiktok every chance they get if there are other humans in the room with them.

One thing you can do at first, is let them have snap, but take their phone and scroll through some of their chats every once in a while just to make sure it's all normal conversation. Builds a little trust then you can not worry going forward.

Can't you simply delete texts just like Snaps disappear?

agsquirrel97 said:

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It is about raising good young adults who can make good decisions.

The preachers son syndrome comes to mind. Try to keep kids insulated from everything and they can't get enough when they get their first taste.

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Social media is actually harmful to children/teen/adult brains....so keeping it limited should be the baseline. This is well established with data and studies.

LOYAL AG said:

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Talk to your kids about the people in their lives. Know their friends. When they struggle look for patterns in those struggles. Are they struggling with friends or teachers and why, what's the basis of those struggles? Our daughter always had extremely high standards for the people she let into her life and cycled through several "close friends" from 6th grade through graduation. That cycle slowed down as she got to college and now her friend group is about a few girls from college and her two longest friendships from HS.

We never talked specifically about apps they could or couldn't use but we did talk about Social Media as a net negative in their life and the need to avoid toxic people whether they were real or virtual. Social media makes it easier for toxic people to get into your life but at the end of the day you still have to distance yourself from them.

The most important thing we did was share our own lives with them. I have close relatives that are toxic people and I make an effort to keep them close enough so they know I love them and I'm here but far enough that their BS doesn't bleed into my life. Seeing me struggle with those relationships and watching me have the ability to keep those people at a safe distance taught our kids it's ok to distance yourself from people if they don't contribute to your life in a positive way.

TLDR. Teach your kids to avoid toxic people whether they're real or virtual. Social media is just a way for those people to get to a place you don't want them to be. Don't let that happen.

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I will second this.

I have two girls that are college age now, so mostly done as a parent for the formative stuff. I was not a perfect dad, but my best decision was to parent with the "cards faced up". I am a much wiser man than ~20 year old BusterAg, the age I was when I had my first daughter.

We talked to our girls about our struggles with family, struggles with bosses / jobs, struggles with friends, struggles with finances, everything. Our kids knew how much money we made, how wealthy we really were, why we went to the church that we did, what we liked about their friends and friends parents, what we didn't like, why we made the strategic decisions that we did about work / church / where to live / vacation, etc.

They are now in their 20's, but are wise way beyond their years. Probably because they got to experience a lot of life lessons that their parents went through, for better or worse, first hand.

Social media is the same way. I interact with social media primarily here, but have told our kids about the dangers of social media addiction, and what healthy screen habits look like.

I would say that one over-arching priority is that kids do not get to have privacy on their phones until they are at least half-way out the door. You lock me out of your phone? Congrats, here's your new flip phone. For that reason, no snapchat without some kind of screen saver. But, it never turned into a big deal.

samurai_science said:

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agsquirrel97 said:

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It is about raising good young adults who can make good decisions.

The preachers son syndrome comes to mind. Try to keep kids insulated from everything and they can't get enough when they get their first taste.

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Social media is actually harmful to children/teen/adult brains....so keeping it limited should be the baseline. This is well established with data and studies.

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The addiction cycle of social media is purposefully designed to mimic the dopaminergic cycle people get stuck in when they get addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or porn. That isn't by accident. It is designed that way. Facebook and Youtube hired a bunch of economists and neuroscientists to make social media as addictive as possible.

I was watching the Netflix Documentary "Missing: Dead or Alive" which is FANTASTIC.

it's terrifying for young teenagers especially females.

the police captain states that she "uses the 360 app to keep track of her family"

I don't have kids but I sent this to my cousins and all my friends with children:

"360 family tracking" refers primarily to the popular app Life360, a location-sharing service that creates private "Circles" for family and friends to see each other's real-time locations, get alerts for arrivals/departures from places (home, school, work), and access advanced safety features like crash detection, driving reports, and emergency dispatch through paid memberships. It's designed to reduce "where are you?" texts by providing constant, simple visibility, with both free basic sharing and premium tiers offering more extensive protection and tools.

Key Features & How it Works:

• Circle Creation: You invite family/friends to a private Circle on the app.
• Live Location: See everyone's current location on a private map.
• Place Alerts:
  Get notified when members arrive at or leave designated places (e.g., home, school)
  .
• Driving Safety: Monitor speeding, phone usage while driving, and get crash detection with emergency dispatch in paid plans.
• SOS Alerts: Send emergency alerts with help from the app or Tile trackers.
• Item Tracking: Add Tile Bluetooth trackers for keys, wallets, pets, etc..
• Availability: Works on iOS and Android devices.

Free vs. Premium:

• Free: Basic location sharing, limited place alerts, some safety features.
• Paid Memberships (Silver, Gold, Platinum): Add features like longer location history, unlimited place alerts, roadside assistance, ID theft protection, and more comprehensive emergency support

Life 360 is great. Our 12 year old doesn't have a fun yet, but our 14 year old does.

It is shocking that the kids track each others locations as well. At times we might have 3 kids over playing basketball and next thing we know there's 10 kids there because they see other kids at our house.

LOYAL AG said:

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gambochaman said:

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zero social media for our teen

no facebook, no instagram, no snapchat, no whatsapp, no twitter, no nothing

it is the root of all modern evil

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What's your plan for college when they have sudden freedom and you aren't there to restrict what they do? Not being an ass by any means just pushing you to contemplate a world where you aren't making decisions for them. At some point your job is to teach them make decisions for themselves and this approach isn't doing that.

My $.02. It's a difficult aspect of parenting for sure.

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It's not as hard as you make it out. Also, there are no guarantees in life.

When a child is very young, their brains are immature. A 6th grader has no sense or safe or not when it comes to social media. So parents have to step in and keep them away from it.

When the child gets into college, they would be around 18 years old, much more mature though not fully there. That is when the parents have to loosen the restrictions BUT tell them about the risks and talk to them about the pros and cons. You cannot police them all their lives or your life. After a point you just have to tell them that they are responsible for their own lives and no one will take the blame if they messed up.

infinity ag said:

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LOYAL AG said:

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gambochaman said:

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zero social media for our teen

no facebook, no instagram, no snapchat, no whatsapp, no twitter, no nothing

it is the root of all modern evil

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What's your plan for college when they have sudden freedom and you aren't there to restrict what they do? Not being an ass by any means just pushing you to contemplate a world where you aren't making decisions for them. At some point your job is to teach them make decisions for themselves and this approach isn't doing that.

My $.02. It's a difficult aspect of parenting for sure.

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It's not as hard as you make it out. Also, there are no guarantees in life.

When a child is very young, their brains are immature. A 6th grader has no sense or safe or not when it comes to social media. So parents have to step in and keep them away from it.

When the child gets into college, they would be around 18 years old, much more mature though not fully there. That is when the parents have to loosen the restrictions BUT tell them about the risks and talk to them about the pros and cons. You cannot police them all their lives or your life. After a point you just have to tell them that they are responsible for their own lives and no one will take the blame if they messed up.

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I get all that but if you're waiting til college to let them learn to make decisions that's too late, IMO. It's no different than driving. We don't let them drive for the first time as they load up and head off to Aggieland. They learn to drive from us while they're living in our home. Then they get a license and drive for roughly two years before they head off to college and those two years are extremely important times for them to learn from you. One of the biggest mistakes we make as a society is setting the drinking age at 21. We're letting their friends teach them how to drink instead of their parents and I think that's an awful plan.

My $.02. Not sure there's a right or wrong answer as much as we're learning how to navigate this thing real time.
Good discussion.