Don't know if yall have seen this before, but I thought it was kinda funny. I guess I'm supposed to be Beer-Gutted Ken from Borger.
These Barbies have been designed specifically for the Texas
Panhandle market.
>Lake Tanglewood Barbie:
This princess Barbie is sold only at exclusive retailers. She comes
with an assortment of Kate Spade bags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired
foreign dog named Honey and a house on the golf course. Available
with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in
conjunction with "augmented" version.
>The Greenways Barbie:
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Chevy Suburban
and matching gym outfit. She has no full time occupation or secondary
education.Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
>River Road Barbie:
This redneck Barbie comes with a can of Skoal and a scratch off
lottery ticket, a 1984 jacked up Ford F150 for the river and matching
cut off jeans, Ford Tough T-shirt and flip flops . Optional clothing is a
Toot N
Totum workers outfit. A matching Ken comes with a 1978 Chevy Camaro
for the Route 66 Motor Speedway, an oversized cowboy hat, a white wife
beater,
and wrangler jeans 2 sizes to small.
Amarillo Boulevard Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with 9mm handgun, a switch blade, a
Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab kit. This model is only
available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably
small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop, then we don't know what
you're talking about.
>Dalhart Barbie:
This model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR shirt and Tweety Bird tatooed on her shoulder. She has
a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit
over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she's drunk.
>Borger Barbie:
This chain-smoking, brassy-haired Barbie has her own pair of
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from when she chased
Beer-Gutted Ken out of the trailer. Her ensemble includes acid-washed
jeans, fake fingernails and a see-through halter top. Also available with
mobile home and 8-track tape player.
>Canyon Barbie:
This doll is actually made of Tofu. She has long straight brown
hair, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks.
She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need
a Ken doll but if you purchase two Canyon Barbies and the optional
Subaru wagon, you get a free box of granola and a vial of patchouli oil.
>Pampa Barbie:
This Barbie is only 14 and comes with a stroller and infant doll.
Optional accessories include a GED and a pack of cigarettes. Gangsta Ken
and
his '79 Caddy are also available, but are now very difficult to find
since the addition of the infant.
>Hereford Barbie:
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with
expired temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car
seats. This is the only Barbie willing to do manual labor. Ken comes
in a meat-packer's
uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not
yet available for Hereford Barbie or Ken.
These Barbies have been designed specifically for the Texas
Panhandle market.
>Lake Tanglewood Barbie:
This princess Barbie is sold only at exclusive retailers. She comes
with an assortment of Kate Spade bags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired
foreign dog named Honey and a house on the golf course. Available
with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in
conjunction with "augmented" version.
>The Greenways Barbie:
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Chevy Suburban
and matching gym outfit. She has no full time occupation or secondary
education.Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
>River Road Barbie:
This redneck Barbie comes with a can of Skoal and a scratch off
lottery ticket, a 1984 jacked up Ford F150 for the river and matching
cut off jeans, Ford Tough T-shirt and flip flops . Optional clothing is a
Toot N
Totum workers outfit. A matching Ken comes with a 1978 Chevy Camaro
for the Route 66 Motor Speedway, an oversized cowboy hat, a white wife
beater,
and wrangler jeans 2 sizes to small.
Amarillo Boulevard Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with 9mm handgun, a switch blade, a
Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab kit. This model is only
available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably
small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop, then we don't know what
you're talking about.
>Dalhart Barbie:
This model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR shirt and Tweety Bird tatooed on her shoulder. She has
a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit
over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she's drunk.
>Borger Barbie:
This chain-smoking, brassy-haired Barbie has her own pair of
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from when she chased
Beer-Gutted Ken out of the trailer. Her ensemble includes acid-washed
jeans, fake fingernails and a see-through halter top. Also available with
mobile home and 8-track tape player.
>Canyon Barbie:
This doll is actually made of Tofu. She has long straight brown
hair, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks.
She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need
a Ken doll but if you purchase two Canyon Barbies and the optional
Subaru wagon, you get a free box of granola and a vial of patchouli oil.
>Pampa Barbie:
This Barbie is only 14 and comes with a stroller and infant doll.
Optional accessories include a GED and a pack of cigarettes. Gangsta Ken
and
his '79 Caddy are also available, but are now very difficult to find
since the addition of the infant.
>Hereford Barbie:
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with
expired temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car
seats. This is the only Barbie willing to do manual labor. Ken comes
in a meat-packer's
uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not
yet available for Hereford Barbie or Ken.