ou might be a mexican if.....
your tio cuco still wears zapatos de charol.
You might be Mexican if you slap your kids in Walmart everytime they ask for something and tell them to wait till satuday at "La Pulga"
If you call fruit of the looms, chones, you might be a mexican.
If you're afraid of the dark because of something called CuCuy - you might be Mexican.
If carpet adorns the dash of your pickup and you like the fringed look, you might be a mexican.
If you have ever referred to bandaids as "curitas", you might be a mexican.
If you prefer steel ornaments on the toe and heel of your boots, and your boats are pointed at the toe, then you are most definitely a real mexican.
If the color of your boots matches the color of your belt, or they are made out of the same fake alligator skin in a coral color, you might be a mexican.
If boxing ranks as one of your top sports, you might be a mexican
If most of your immediate family lives with a few blocks radius of your house, you might be a mexican.
If you prefer your Lay's potato chips with tabasco sauce and limon, you might be a mexican.
If you've ever lumped a huge spoonful of wasabi onto your chinese food thinking it's guacamole....
If you recycle bacon grease for use in other recipes, you might be a mexican.
If you refer to snow cones as raspas, you might be a mexican.
If your favorite brand of cookies is not Nabisco but instead Gamesa, then your are most definetely a mexican.
If your Grandma has candles with pictures of saints, or veladoras lit around the house, and she has crosses made out of palm leaves above every door in the house, and she recycles jam jars, Don Marias Mole jars, or other glass containers to use glasses....then you might just be a mexican.
If you can run and play any sport while wearing chanclas ....Mexican status!
If your late Tio left you a van and you turned it into a taco vending business, Yes, you're a Mexican.
If you pronounce words beginning with the letter "S" by putting an "E" in front of it, (estop instead of stop), big time Mexican.
If you call a chair, a sher, you got it.... Mexican.
If you have ever hurt yourself and your mamacita rubbed the area while chanting, "Sana, Sana, Colita de rana....." You're Mexican, big time!!!
If you have your last name in old English lettering anywhere on your car, truck, or tattooed on your back! . Yes, you ARE a Mexican (proud one too).
If you refer to your wife as your ruca, your hina, your wifa, your old lady, or your vieja, guess what? Not only are you a Mexican, you're a cholo.
If you have ever been pinched in church and been told "pobrecito de ti si lloras" or "Vas a ver orita que salgamos." Yes, you're definitely a Mexican.
If you grew up being called "chamaca or chamaco" ...Mexican.
If you grew up scared of La Llorona, or fear the dark because of El CuCuy! Yes! Mexican!
If you use manteca instead of vegetable oil and can't figure out why your rear-end is getting bigger......You might be a Mexican.
If you have some Tias that dress up in their prom dresses to go to a birthday party at "el parque". You are a Mexican.
If you're congested and your mamasita rubbed "Bicks". You're Mexican.
If weddings in your family can last for several days, and you go through several "conjuntos", then your are a mexican.
If you see no problem taking your baby out in public in nothing but his/her diapers, you might be a mexican.
you bring 15 kids under the age of 10 to a birthday party
And you take a plate home from that B-day party then your are a mexican.
If the boys/girls dad or tio breaks out with the quarters when they break the piñata, then you know you are a mexican party, and you could safely bet that the "pastel" is a pastel de tres leches, before you even see it.
If you refer to that birthday party as a "pachanga", and all the men are still drinking from the keg long after the party is over, then you know them mexican is keep it real.
If your vehicle has two or more shades of paint or the hood is a different color than the rest of the vehicle, and the vehicle is barely driveable but it has a state of the art stereo system in it, then your are a true blue mexican.
If you refer to frankfurters as "winnies", then you might be a mexican.
If the pharse, "this gentlemen is completely inebriated" is totally foreign and means nothing to you; however, the phrase "Ay este vato anda bien pedo, wacha!", makes complete sense to you, then not only are you a mexican, but you are a mexican that didn't pay attention to the "ticher" during english class.
If you have more than one battery in your car, and it is not under the hood, but in the trunk, and your car has an airbrushed painting of the Virgen de Guadalupe or Selena, then not only are you a mexican, but you are straight up thug mexican.
If you have no problem eating beans for breakfast, and think it strange when people look at you funny for eating beans at breakfast then you most probably are a mexican.
If you believe that eggs have medicinal properties, and you have at least one tia, that knows the ritual for rubbing the egg all over your body, and then cracking it in a jar of water to place under your bed, as a method to ward of a fever, then you might be a mexican.
You might be Mexican if when the cops show up to quiet down your hold over from the party drunk uncles, it turns out you are 4th cousins twice removed from the cop and he agrees to stop by after his shift.
You might be Mexican if you drive to the beach with a life size inflated Barney tied to your roof and a huge BBQ pit in your open and tied trunk.
You might be Mexican if any midnight mass you attend on Christmas eve ends with a rousing rendition of of the ever popular hymm "Feliz Navidad"
You might be Mexican your horrified at the thought of corn anywhere but in a cup (with mayo, butter, chile and lime of course)
You might be Mexican if you know that "Tio Lucas" is not your relative.
If you refer to your bike as "mi yonca, or jonca", you might be a mexican.
Also, if the spokes on your "yonca's" rims are decorated with colorful bead, you might be a mexican.
If you wear your shirts unbuttoned half way to show your chest hairs and part of your beer belly, man there is zero doubt you are a mexican. Let's not forget the huge gold necklace with the crucifix on an anchor, to accesorize and complete the "mexican look".
If you eat your mangos, on a stick, with chile and limon, you might be a mexican.
If a miniature saddle is on the rear view mirror of your pickup, you might be a mexican.
If your grandma purchased Fry-rite shortening in a 5 gallon container, so you could have a steady supply of tortillas de harina, then you not only are a mexican, but you are a lucky mexican, and will probably have problems with your arteries later in life.
If there is salsa verde and salsa roja on the table at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and there are tamales to accompany the turkey, and all the men sit down to eat before the women, then you are at a mexican Thanksgiving.
And your tio Pacho is drunk and screaming at the TV while the cowboys are playing, you might be a mexican.
If you have ever used aluminum foil to cover the windows in your house, you might be a mexican.
If the word "migra" puts the fear of God in you, then you are an illegal mexican, but if the same word cause you to instictively reach for your wallet.....then you are a legal mexican.
If the name of you and your wife are on the back windshield of your pickup, you might be a mexican.
If you have ever been to a bachelor party that involved a cock fight, then rest assured that that was mexican bachelor.
If you consider stacy adams shoes, kacki "Dickey" pants, and a white hanes muscle shirt adequate attire, then you are a straight up cholo mexican.
You might be Mexican if you equate "white wings" to tortillas instead of doves.
You might be Mexican if the American car manufacturers all have a model represented in your front yard.
If you like the wrangler polyester pant with boots look, then you are a middle aged mexican.
If you refer to being unfaithful, as "tengo un pegue!", you might be a mexican.
You might be Mexican if "La Movida" does not mean the move.
You might be Mexican if the word "sancho" raises your eye brows.
You might be Mexican if the phrase "Ando bien Suelto" does not mean I am loose.
You might be Mexican if you slap your kids in Walmart everytime they ask for something and tell them to wait till satuday at "La Pulga"
You're really Mexican if you go to "La Pulga" and stay for the dance later that night.
You're a really tough Mexican if you survive the "La Pulga" dance without being arrested, stabbed or beaten.
y eres mas chingon if you survived the pulga dance when you ran into your movida while dancing with your hina.
If you have ever thrown some mollejas on the parrilla, and roasted some jalapenos on the parilla, then you are my kind of mexican.
If your tia's are complaining about the way your other tia organized the wedding, and criticizing her behind her back, yet they pack up the table ornament and pack plates to go, they are very likely mexicans.
If your equivalent to Dunkin Donuts is Pan Dulce at the local panaderia, then you are a mexican.
If you use the word "primo" to mean your cousin and as a way of greeting people, then you might be a mexican.
If your Sunday brunch consists of barbacoa or cabrito you're definitely mexican
