TexAgs literally melts down

At approximately 3:00 pm on Friday, a funny smell began making its way through the TexAgs office, which is located at both the actual and figurative heart of College Station, Texas.

Suzanne Gilles was the first to sniff it out and immediately made an inquiry with TexAgs COO, Josh Oelze, wondering if he was testing out a new candle scent. Oelze, not a candle man, decided to investigate the matter on his own and quickly realized that this was no candle.

"GET OUT" were the next words that rang across the office. The handful of employees who were (tirelessly and responsibly) working at 3:00 on a Friday promptly — well, kind of promptly — made their way downstairs to the exits after seeing smoke begin to fill up the second floor of their beloved building. According to sources close to the situation, at least two members of the staff went back upstairs to retrieve "important" hard drives, likely containing millions of meaningless invaluable message board posts.

Sirens could be heard less than two minutes after employees exited the building as four fully-manned fire trucks, an ambulance and at least one police car showed up on the scene. To be fair, emergency vehicles are always ready to respond to an incident at TexAgs during Signing Day week, but even still, this was impressive speed.

Most of the action took place at the back of the building, where TexAgs employees could be seen congregating with the Southgate Barbers, who share the downstairs office. One of Southgate Barbers' faithful employees, Bobby, had rushed outside with a fire extinguisher and put out the blaze just before the real firemen arrived.

After sawing through the side of the building, firefighters sprayed water into the wall to ensure that the fire was completely out. While this was happening, Oelze was putting his own life at risk by throwing a tarp over some important servers that couldn't get wet. Both pot bangers and sunshine pumpers were reportedly pleased with this development.

His actions saved the precious servers, and the firemen's action saved something even more precious:

As you might expect, social media was — ahem — ablaze with excitement, making jokes at the popular message board's expense.

Fortunately nobody was hurt during the fire or these jokes would have been even less funny than they already were.

Repairs are being made, insurance claims are being filed and all in all, everything turned out okay for everyone involved. Plus, everyone got to leave early on a Friday!

Except for the guy who had to write this story.
 

But hey, at least I fulfilled a dream.