You aren't alone. For me, the issues is I enjoy parts of my job so much that its difficult to put it down. Working from home doesn't help either, I don't have the commute to bookend my time at work and keep it separate from my time at home.

Looking back at what caused this change for me was during covid the non work things that I enjoyed doing were taken away from me (travel, social events) for a while, and I filled that void with the next best "fun" option, which was more work. When the world started to open up, it wasn't the same as before... the constantly shifting mask rules, and then everyone being at a different level of comfort with each other made my old hobbies less enjoyable.

Another long term issue is by doubling down on work, now i find myself double invested in it... when there are problems at work, they impact me more now... which then creates a bit of a cycle that feeds itself...

Recently I just decided something had to change, and i had to just stop caring so much about work... I put hard blocks on my calendar and setup rules that the laptop cant leave the office. It has definitely helped break the cycle of letting issues at work impact my mood, but I am also much more disconnected from all the things going on... and as a result, I am getting less tasks completed....

Still not sure if this is the right approach...

I'm 50, and I'm in a similar situation although I don't work nearly the hours. I work solid days during the week, but I'm home for dinner. Also, my kids are teenagers, so they need a lot less time from me driving them to practices, friends, etc. My wife also works from home now, so most of the around the house things are taken care of during the day. Then, you get days like today, where everyone is off work, TexAgs is slow, its cold. My body is searching for adrenaline. I took off yesterday, and I was bored by 9:30!!

I think back in the day, this is how we grew up. I think the men worked a lot. Post Covid, you probably have a lot of friends that are working from home, working less, etc. I don't think its healthy though. Like Foam, I really enjoy my job, so while I'm definitely working, its "fun".

I probably need something outside of work to take over some time. Maybe I'll buy some land to be weekend Cowboy or start playing Pickleball. Open to any ideas!!

For me the problem is I like to work. In my mind I want to travel and be on vacation but when I am gone I am stressing about work.

I just don't have or have not had a healthy work/ life balance. This has been the best few years ever in business. That is part of it. The money is hard to turn down. But not mental health breaks are problematic. I even fished in a fishing tournament and I thought about was work so much we left the tournament and come back work. Pathetic. Ha!

Not many people to delegate to. My job really requires
my participation. I would have to let go and make less. That may be what I need to do going forward. It is really hard to miss opportunities though.

It's this bad. I am actually disappointed that it is going to slow down this next week because I want to keep going. I might be mentally ill.

Troglodyte said:

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I'm 50, and I'm in a similar situation although I don't work nearly the hours. I work solid days during the week, but I'm home for dinner. Also, my kids are teenagers, so they need a lot less time from me driving them to practices, friends, etc. My wife also works from home now, so most of the around the house things are taken care of during the day. Then, you get days like today, where everyone is off work, TexAgs is slow, its cold. My body is searching for adrenaline. I took off yesterday, and I was bored by 9:30!!

I think back in the day, this is how we grew up. I think the men worked a lot. Post Covid, you probably have a lot of friends that are working from home, working less, etc. I don't think its healthy though. Like Foam, I really enjoy my job, so while I'm definitely working, its "fun".

I probably need something outside of work to take over some time. Maybe I'll buy some land to be weekend Cowboy or start playing Pickleball. Open to any ideas!!

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Speaking of hours. I have been working 7 days a week all year. I have been putting in like 12 hour days. Like 80+ hours a week. No vacation this year. That's a lot. I think the adrenaline is a factor. When I sit down I can't relax because I **** that adrenaline fix.

the cycle sucked me in a couple times in my 30s, but hasn't grabbed me in a problematic way in my 40s.. at least not yet. i do find myself thinking about certain work related things at night/early morning/over weekends/holidays etc, but its more 'thought' versus 'action' and doesn't control me like it did previously at times.

not sure I have a solution to share other than it took me realizing each time that i was doing it to myself. it wasn't being done to me. big role at a big company with a big team that I appreciated and didn't want to let down. but once i accepted that it wasn't my manager or my team pushing me to be always-on i got better at turning off.

now on the other hand, my work/jobs have always felt like work. my dad had a saying "work the job, don't let the job work you".. he was a TX high school football coach for 30 years and during summers and in the fall he practically lived in the field house - but often said he's never worked a day in his life. he loved it. didn't feel like work to him. mom was the school nurse, sister mascot, brother and i played, etc so it was a family ordeal. from a family perspective, likely not relatable to many corporate environments. but i've had colleagues in the past that truly enjoy their jobs to the point where i believe they'd do it for free. if that's you, maybe you don't need to turn it off.

One suggestion I would have is to see if you can take a sabbatical. I've had a couple of friends who's job required it after 20 years or something. I'm talking about a one month vacation. It's going to take you at least 2 weeks to chill out, so that gives you 2 more weeks to enjoy.

While I'm sure you are very important to your workplace, everyone can be replaced and the company will be ok if you are out a month. They way I would pitch it is, if I drop dead right now, it will take you at least a month to find a replacement anyway.

BTHOB-98 said:

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I am in my mid 40s and I would consider myself to be pretty successful. The only problem is that post COVID I can not make myself stop working and relax. I have been working almost 7 days a week all year. It has been wonderful for my business and income but I am not sure how much longer I can do it. I try to sit down and relax but it does not work. I hardly sleep. If I go out of town I worry about work. Work is just on my mind all the time. I do have a lot of responsibilities and people that depend on me. Maybe that is it. What the hell is wrong with me???

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Are you running your own business or are you in Sales? Can't quite tell.

If the former, I might suggest a book called Clockwork by Mike Michalowicz. It's written specifically for entrepreneurs/company owners who are like you. Can't stop thinking about work, can't/won't take vacations because you can't trust the work will get done.....just generally can't let go. Thesis is how to get to the point of being ok with letting go, trusting others, and creating that better balance.

Might be a good read for you.

you could always take a trip to somewhere you have no way to connect... 2 weeks in the Galapagos is one way to unplug and get your mind off things... after day 1, you don't have internet until you are back on day 14.

Troglodyte said:

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One suggestion I would have is to see if you can take a sabbatical. I've had a couple of friends who's job required it after 20 years or something. I'm talking about a one month vacation. It's going to take you at least 2 weeks to chill out, so that gives you 2 more weeks to enjoy.

While I'm sure you are very important to your workplace, everyone can be replaced and the company will be ok if you are out a month. They way I would pitch it is, if I drop dead right now, it will take you at least a month to find a replacement anyway.

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Self Employment doesn't exactly follow these same rules. That is part of my problem.

BTHOB-98 said:

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Troglodyte said:

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One suggestion I would have is to see if you can take a sabbatical. I've had a couple of friends who's job required it after 20 years or something. I'm talking about a one month vacation. It's going to take you at least 2 weeks to chill out, so that gives you 2 more weeks to enjoy.

While I'm sure you are very important to your workplace, everyone can be replaced and the company will be ok if you are out a month. They way I would pitch it is, if I drop dead right now, it will take you at least a month to find a replacement anyway.

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Self Employment doesn't exactly follow these same rules. That is part of my problem.

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Check out the book I suggested then. It's written exactly for people in your situation.

YouBet said:

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BTHOB-98 said:

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I am in my mid 40s and I would consider myself to be pretty successful. The only problem is that post COVID I can not make myself stop working and relax. I have been working almost 7 days a week all year. It has been wonderful for my business and income but I am not sure how much longer I can do it. I try to sit down and relax but it does not work. I hardly sleep. If I go out of town I worry about work. Work is just on my mind all the time. I do have a lot of responsibilities and people that depend on me. Maybe that is it. What the hell is wrong with me???

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Are you running your own business or are you in Sales? Can't quite tell.

If the former, I might suggest a book called Clockwork by Mike Michalowicz. It's written specifically for entrepreneurs/company owners who are like you. Can't stop thinking about work, can't/won't take vacations because you can't trust the work will get done.....just generally can't let go. Thesis is how to get to the point of being ok with letting go, trusting others, and creating that better balance.

Might be a good read for you.

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I will check it out. I am running a few businesses and I am in sales. I will check it out.

I think OP is likely in that sweet spot of business owner but also in sales... So delegating effectively means teaching other people how to make money, which in some industries is essentially training your competition.

I've often compared it to finding gold in the Old West, but far too much for you to transport on your own. Every minute you spend not mining/transporting, you are losing money... There's no guarantee you'll find another source later on down the road... But you also can't just bring someone in because eventually it will dawn on them "hey, why don't I just mine this gold myself?".

So you're left with people/family/friends you really, really trust. But there's only so many of them that are actually in positions in their life where they can help (too young, already gainfully employed in a more secure industry, etc...).

I've learned what helps a bit for me is to schedule specific time during each day for personal development/hobbies. If I have it on my schedule to do it for an hour I can treat it like just part of the work day.

You could try medication. It has helped me turn it off. That and getting some hobbies that i really love.

You also might benefit from a career change.

Are other relatives this way? Anxiety?

Schall 02 said:

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Are other relatives this way? Anxiety?

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Yes. We all work really hard. Most of have our own businesses.

WaldoWings said:

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You could try medication. It has helped me turn it off. That and getting some hobbies that i really love.

You also might benefit from a career change.

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I have been thinking about retiring at 50. That would be about 4 more years of going hard. I can do it. I just am not sure I want to actually stop working. I think that balance will be the key.

BTHOB-98 said:

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It's this bad. I am actually disappointed that it is going to slow down this next week because I want to keep going. I might be mentally ill.

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Honestly you might have some sort of issue that medication or some sort of counseling could help you overcome. There is no shame in either one of those avenues. Also it really does sound like a change could help you. I would say if you can find a job that allowed you a comfortable living with a decent retirement it might be worth the trade. I was just talking to my cousin about this the other day. He just retired, but 20 years ago when he took the job he retired from, he could either take a job with the county and make less but show up to work at 7 and leave at 4:30, or he could make twice as much at a big company and work 60 or 70 hours some weeks and miss all that time with his daughter growing up. He said the choice was pretty easy for him.

BTHOB-98 said:

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WaldoWings said:

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You could try medication. It has helped me turn it off. That and getting some hobbies that i really love.

You also might benefit from a career change.

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I have been thinking about retiring at 50. That would be about 4 more years of going hard. I can do it. I just am not sure I want to actually stop working. I think that balance will be the key.

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Well I guess It is possible that you just love what you do, and you don't have a problem at all. I mean seriously maybe that's what it is.

BTHOB-98 said:

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Schall 02 said:

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Are other relatives this way? Anxiety?

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Yes. We all work really hard. Most of have our own businesses.

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I'm not a doctor, but i believe if you want to shift you should consult one. This strikes me as a hardware issue, not a software one.

OP - I hate that for you. I don't think you're alone. Not everyone is wired like this, but there are many who are. I can relate and have struggled for years with getting too wrapped up in work. Still do. I wish I had the obvious answer, but I don't. I think awareness is really important, and working to combat consistently through healthy habits is really key.

I really appreciate this suggestion from WaldoWings - there are a lot of good resources out there to talk to people and there's absolutely no shame in taking advantage of them. Do it for yourself. I've had to step back and ask for help a few times. A couple years ago, I was trapped in a really toxic situation at work as a manager and it really had me down. I am very grateful for a few people in my life and even on this site who were willing to be there for me. Don't be afraid to ask. Username at gmail if you ever get too desperate. Through prayer, help from others, and focusing on a few small things, my circumstances changed for the better.

One specific thing that has helped me is understanding that I don't find relaxation in idle things. I like to solve problems. And I was hitting an immovable object at work. As strange as it sounds, DIY projects have been a huge help for me. The satisfaction of solving a problem, really thinking things through, working the steps, and learning new skills has been important for me. I'm not saying that's the answer for you, but I don't get the sense that a vacation will make things go away and reset for you. I think you've got to take small steps to consistently fill your time and thoughts with other things, or they will ultimately be occupied by your work.

Are you missing time with wife/kids? Is the work causing you issues with any of your personal relationships?

Look at it like anything else someone might be addicted to - if it isn't causing you problems in your personal life, to me it's a totally different deal than if you have a spouse/kids who are telling you it's causing them issues.

BTHOB-98 said:

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I am in my mid 40s and I would consider myself to be pretty successful. The only problem is that post COVID I can not make myself stop working and relax. I have been working almost 7 days a week all year. It has been wonderful for my business and income but I am not sure how much longer I can do it. I try to sit down and relax but it does not work. I hardly sleep. If I go out of town I worry about work. Work is just on my mind all the time. I do have a lot of responsibilities and people that depend on me. Maybe that is it. What the hell is wrong with me???

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How often do you work out? I've seen a lot of people be able to change many other aspects of their lives once they either found a sport or started hitting the gym hard.

BTHOB-98 said:

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I am in my mid 40s and I would consider myself to be pretty successful. The only problem is that post COVID I can not make myself stop working and relax. I have been working almost 7 days a week all year. It has been wonderful for my business and income but I am not sure how much longer I can do it. I try to sit down and relax but it does not work. I hardly sleep. If I go out of town I worry about work. Work is just on my mind all the time. I do have a lot of responsibilities and people that depend on me. Maybe that is it. What the hell is wrong with me???

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Covid did that to me. I learned to meditate and that helped. I downloaded the Calm app and spent 10 minutes day intentionally focused on relaxing and learning to organize my mind. I don't get overly detail on these posts, but I went from literally dreaming about work to a more sustainable level of focus. I still get after it and work a lot, but I am able to allow myself to focus on things like being present with my family.

What are you planning to do with all this money you're making? Look at your portfolios sitting in the hospital with a heart attack from all the stress? Give away half to your ex and flood your kids with gifts trying to win them back after being absent so much? Slow down and enjoy life man. None of the work or wealth matters when you're dead/divorced/disabled and you wasted the best years of your life chasing the almighty dollar.

I'm a fair bit younger but I went through the same cycle as you twice in my 20's, once in sales and once starting a small business. Both times I hit a wall and realized how the work was affecting my loved ones and my health, I slowed down and everything worked out. Working out plays a major role in your mental health too. You've got to learn you don't need every sale, find the balance between running the business and enjoying a personal life as well. Now that my business is established and running smoothly, I can't imagine ever going back to sales. I'd drop the sales job and focus on the business in a heartbeat.