Curious/related: what's you guys' threshold for "discussing" discretionary purchases with your spouse?
Just Got Married: Advice on Combining Accounts
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Last: 7 mo ago by ChoppinDs40
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I'm in the "don't get married" camp.Charismatic Megafauna said:Soo... You're in the "you should already have an offshore account that you slip a couple hundo a week into" camp?GeorgiAg said:
None of you practiced divorce law and it shows.
I recommend both you and your wife combine everything as others have rightly suggested.
I would also recommend you both get some kind of small monthly allowance or "blow" money as we call it. Whatever $ per month that each of you tracks but can spend on whatever you want. It isn't meant to be secretive or separate, just something you have the freedom to spend a certain amount on without any questioning.
I would also recommend you both get some kind of small monthly allowance or "blow" money as we call it. Whatever $ per month that each of you tracks but can spend on whatever you want. It isn't meant to be secretive or separate, just something you have the freedom to spend a certain amount on without any questioning.
We are similar to 10andBOUNCE in we have a monthly "blow" budget. The tool we use, Copilot, also allows for that budget to carry over. So, we don't generally discuss purchases if they're in that budget.Charismatic Megafauna said:
Curious/related: what's you guys' threshold for "discussing" discretionary purchases with your spouse?
We similarly have a "home" budget. Again, doesn't really matter if it's in that budget but my wife will often ask my opinion on stuff like rugs, art, etc. even though I don't generally have one.
I'm not trying to insult anyone, but if I married some one I trust her to spend the way she sees fit as she should trust me to do.htxag09 said:I think it's more for a not seeing what each other are spending every dollar on thing than it truly being one or the other's money, especially in something like a contested divorce.TMfrisco said:I'm with you.YouBet said:
Combine it all. I'm in the camp that if you are adamant about keeping separate accounts then you shouldn't be getting married. And separate accounts are unnecessarily complicated.
We have a spending account and a savings account. My wife still has a couple of CC's from before we met but she doesn't use them. We have a couple of shared CC's and almost all spend goes on one of them to maximize points.
We track everything in Tiller which is a spread sheet based account aggregator and budgeting tool. It's kickass if you prefer spreadsheets over an app.
The only negative in all of this is that I will see gifts that she buys me since I manage all of our finances.
Also, can someone explain to me why, in a community property state like Texas, there is any reason to have separate accounts. Maybe I'm missing something. Of course we've been married almost 33 years so there are no money secrets.
I understand "things happen" and maybe a spouse doesn't turn out to be who you think they are, but the signs should be there in plenty of time to fix monetary issues before a marriage dissolves - particularly with the income of the OP.
Have the conversation before the wedding and if you can't agree, maybe marriage isn't the best thing.
There's enough to keep up with once you start buying a house and having kids that separate bank accounts probably don't need to be one of them.
Obviously just my opinion.
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Some of y'all seem to have a lot of Dave Ramsey envelopes
Just to add my $0.02.
I got divorced and my retirement account was pillaged in 2015. (Infuriates me because my ex and I made the same amount of money, but she was terrible with finances.) Met a woman in 2017 and settled down. I bought a large house where she and her two kids moved in with me. One kid already moved out, and the other is 15. We both work, but I probably make 2-3 times what she does. I pay the mortgage, electric and internet. She pays for tv and pretty much all entertainment and vacations. She buys all the groceries and other incidentals. I pay for home any my auto insurance. She pays for her autos and insurance. We kinda split large home expenses. She just paid for new HVAC (3 levels - very pricey) and I just paid to have the house stained and painted.
We don't track amounts. Separate bank accounts and credit card bills.
Maybe we get married one day, but neither of us are pushing for it. We both had NASTY divorces, and as I said, I used to do divorce law for a bit.
We are going to sit down and do some financial planning for the future with investments and maybe dumping the large house down the road.
I got divorced and my retirement account was pillaged in 2015. (Infuriates me because my ex and I made the same amount of money, but she was terrible with finances.) Met a woman in 2017 and settled down. I bought a large house where she and her two kids moved in with me. One kid already moved out, and the other is 15. We both work, but I probably make 2-3 times what she does. I pay the mortgage, electric and internet. She pays for tv and pretty much all entertainment and vacations. She buys all the groceries and other incidentals. I pay for home any my auto insurance. She pays for her autos and insurance. We kinda split large home expenses. She just paid for new HVAC (3 levels - very pricey) and I just paid to have the house stained and painted.
We don't track amounts. Separate bank accounts and credit card bills.
Maybe we get married one day, but neither of us are pushing for it. We both had NASTY divorces, and as I said, I used to do divorce law for a bit.
We are going to sit down and do some financial planning for the future with investments and maybe dumping the large house down the road.
Ha. Got lucky also. 44 years and nobody I would trust more on the planet. It's always better to be lucky than good.
GeorgiAg said:
Just to add my $0.02.
I got divorced and my retirement account was pillaged in 2015. (Infuriates me because my ex and I made the same amount of money, but she was terrible with finances.) Met a woman in 2017 and settled down. I bought a large house where she and her two kids moved in with me. One kid already moved out, and the other is 15. We both work, but I probably make 2-3 times what she does. I pay the mortgage, electric and internet. She pays for tv and pretty much all entertainment and vacations. She buys all the groceries and other incidentals. I pay for home any my auto insurance. She pays for her autos and insurance. We kinda split large home expenses. She just paid for new HVAC (3 levels - very pricey) and I just paid to have the house stained and painted.
We don't track amounts. Separate bank accounts and credit card bills.
Maybe we get married one day, but neither of us are pushing for it. We both had NASTY divorces, and as I said, I used to do divorce law for a bit.
We are going to sit down and do some financial planning for the future with investments and maybe dumping the large house down the road.
Totally understand your hesitation to combine accounts and money based on your divorce experience and what you went through. Obviously all of these suggestions from the married folk are with the assumption that the marriage lasts and these partners live happily ever after. But if you're going to go through with marrying someone, you both have to do so with trust and good intentions (among other things). Not wanting to combine finances due to lack of those things is already a sign of a bad start. I also understand the reality that life is crazy and things happen, people change, etc., so marriages end up falling apart (that's another conversation), but you don't go into it with the assumption that that's going to be the case with you and your spouse. Just my opinion.
Take the Dave Ramsey course together before getting married! It was required in our pre marriage counseling at church. Helped a ton to get on the same page and plan! Many things we didn't agree with I.e. envelopes haha, or things we were advanced on. Never an issue since
Also, similar I run finances so I created an elaborate spreadsheet that snapshots where we are, so when she freaks out and needs to see where all the money is I can show every detail to our net worth. Then she rests easy again.
I think the advice to combine finances should be for a first marriage. I think any subsequent marriages, especially when one or both have children are more complicated. If I were ever divorced or widowed, I don't think I'd ever get re-married without a well thought out prenup.GeorgiAg said:
Just to add my $0.02.
I got divorced and my retirement account was pillaged in 2015. (Infuriates me because my ex and I made the same amount of money, but she was terrible with finances.) Met a woman in 2017 and settled down. I bought a large house where she and her two kids moved in with me. One kid already moved out, and the other is 15. We both work, but I probably make 2-3 times what she does. I pay the mortgage, electric and internet. She pays for tv and pretty much all entertainment and vacations. She buys all the groceries and other incidentals. I pay for home any my auto insurance. She pays for her autos and insurance. We kinda split large home expenses. She just paid for new HVAC (3 levels - very pricey) and I just paid to have the house stained and painted.
We don't track amounts. Separate bank accounts and credit card bills.
Maybe we get married one day, but neither of us are pushing for it. We both had NASTY divorces, and as I said, I used to do divorce law for a bit.
We are going to sit down and do some financial planning for the future with investments and maybe dumping the large house down the road.
My wife and I have created a decent net worth to take care of our family. If my wife was gone, when I pass on, I expect the net worth we've created as a joint family unit to provide for our children. Combining finances with someone else (especially if they have their own kids) makes the estate planning part of it more complicated.
i would recommend that this number is somewhere around $800, so you can buy handguns and PSA AR pistols without anyone questioning it.AggieT said:
Just combine it all. Once you have a house and kids money will be flying everywhere, and it's a PITA to track every penny. Discuss with your wife what amount of money you both think is appropriate to spend without discussing. Keep as much cash on hand that lets her sleep at night and invest the rest.
Above all else, make enough money/live below your means so that you don't have to screw with a budget. The only time I've fought with my wife about money was when we tried to budget (made it two weeks). Total unforced error.
I'd also recommend not posting your financials using your real name on a rival message board.
Damn.GeorgiAg said:
Just to add my $0.02.
I got divorced and my retirement account was pillaged in 2015. (Infuriates me because my ex and I made the same amount of money, but she was terrible with finances.) Met a woman in 2017 and settled down. I bought a large house where she and her two kids moved in with me. One kid already moved out, and the other is 15. We both work, but I probably make 2-3 times what she does. I pay the mortgage, electric and internet. She pays for tv and pretty much all entertainment and vacations. She buys all the groceries and other incidentals. I pay for home any my auto insurance. She pays for her autos and insurance. We kinda split large home expenses. She just paid for new HVAC (3 levels - very pricey) and I just paid to have the house stained and painted.
We don't track amounts. Separate bank accounts and credit card bills.
Maybe we get married one day, but neither of us are pushing for it. We both had NASTY divorces, and as I said, I used to do divorce law for a bit.
We are going to sit down and do some financial planning for the future with investments and maybe dumping the large house down the road.
Sorry man, that sucks. Heard that story often.
Thanks. Was part of the problem. She never got the match from her employer and insisted on leaving hers in money market.
Funny thing was after the split, my brokerage try to contact her numerous times and she did not return calls or messages. The money again was still sitting in money market. She missed the big upswing during the Trump first term. Tried to blame it on me.
Anywho, it's the next guy's problem, not mine.
Funny thing was after the split, my brokerage try to contact her numerous times and she did not return calls or messages. The money again was still sitting in money market. She missed the big upswing during the Trump first term. Tried to blame it on me.
Anywho, it's the next guy's problem, not mine.
I was gonna say the same thing.PDEMDHC said:
4. Simplify things. Don't have 10 IRA accounts, etc. after my dad died, we combined 15 brokerage, savings, and IRA accounts to 3 total (1 of each). My dad was eccentric about it but we made the right moves after his death. Should have been done much sooner.
Over time, it's easy to wind up with a bunch of different accounts spread across multiple institutions. We had a messy amount of accounts with money scattered everywhere.
We consolidated all our retirement accounts, savings accounts, CDs, etc. last year. Best thing we've ever done. It wasn't easy -- especially in today's world where institutions are so fearful of fraud. But it's worth it and will make our estate much easier to handle.
No matter how you do it, transparency should be at the forefront. Your money should be viewed as "our" money.
I don't like the idea of separate accounts, even just for the "fun" budgets. Unless you do a good job of maintaining separate account, never mixing funds,etc., it won't matter in a divorce anyway. Credit cards I do think you should have a mix of primary account holders, but everyone should be on both accounts.
Even separate accounts for "fun" budgets can breed resentment. If one person blows it on small crap everyone month while the other person saves a couple and then buys something big, boom person 1 gets jealous because they don't know how to budget for things like that. It doesn't really solve an actual problem but rather just tries to skirt the real issues that requires 2 adults to have real conversations and a willingness to adapt.
Maybe I am just incredibly lucky or I just married someone compatible with me. I don't have to hide purchases. We both understand what is in budget and can spend like adults within that. That means that some months may be higher but others are lower.
It also helps to have goals to work towards in saving money vs some vague idea of retirement, first house, kids savings, land purchases, and things going in incremental time distances out. We both 40 but are actively doing things now to plan a future retirement and are willing to save and spend around that idea.
I don't like the idea of separate accounts, even just for the "fun" budgets. Unless you do a good job of maintaining separate account, never mixing funds,etc., it won't matter in a divorce anyway. Credit cards I do think you should have a mix of primary account holders, but everyone should be on both accounts.
Even separate accounts for "fun" budgets can breed resentment. If one person blows it on small crap everyone month while the other person saves a couple and then buys something big, boom person 1 gets jealous because they don't know how to budget for things like that. It doesn't really solve an actual problem but rather just tries to skirt the real issues that requires 2 adults to have real conversations and a willingness to adapt.
Maybe I am just incredibly lucky or I just married someone compatible with me. I don't have to hide purchases. We both understand what is in budget and can spend like adults within that. That means that some months may be higher but others are lower.
It also helps to have goals to work towards in saving money vs some vague idea of retirement, first house, kids savings, land purchases, and things going in incremental time distances out. We both 40 but are actively doing things now to plan a future retirement and are willing to save and spend around that idea.
I'm a fan of "before marriage" and "after marriage" separation after seeing a friend go through a divorce. Especially if you're the person with the larger net worth.
Any accounts you had before marriage stay separate. Don't contribute a penny to it after marriage. Keep it as separate property so you can keep it if your spouse cheats and then files for divorce.
After marriage, combine everything together. In a divorce, that all gets split in half anyway. Save for the new house together once your married.
If you've already comingled funds (continued to contribute to accounts after marriage), it's too late and you're better off just combining everything now.
Any accounts you had before marriage stay separate. Don't contribute a penny to it after marriage. Keep it as separate property so you can keep it if your spouse cheats and then files for divorce.
After marriage, combine everything together. In a divorce, that all gets split in half anyway. Save for the new house together once your married.
If you've already comingled funds (continued to contribute to accounts after marriage), it's too late and you're better off just combining everything now.
You didn't ask this, but pay off all debt first. Don't quibble about interest rate, it is priceless to feel that you have no debt. You both make a very good amount of money so 45k should be no big deal.
I paid off in 2018 and have no debt since and I feel good. My son went to college a few years ago and I paid everything myself. I am looking to buy a new car and may get it financed but pay off in a few months.
I paid off in 2018 and have no debt since and I feel good. My son went to college a few years ago and I paid everything myself. I am looking to buy a new car and may get it financed but pay off in a few months.
and then what? suggest they buy their first house with no debt also?infinity ag said:
You didn't ask this, but pay off all debt first. Don't quibble about interest rate, it is priceless to feel that you have no debt. You both make a very good amount of money so 45k should be no big deal.
I paid off in 2018 and have no debt since and I feel good. My son went to college a few years ago and I paid everything myself. I am looking to buy a new car and may get it financed but pay off in a few months.
If making good money, have job security, and not considering cutting earning power in half once wife starts squirting out kids, then using leverage is a powerful tool in today's financial world... especially in the last 20 years.
Now, the last 12 months doesn't support that but we'll see.
My mortgage is 2.5%... no way I'm paying that off vs. continuing to pump money into the market.
ChoppinDs40 said:and then what? suggest they buy their first house with no debt also?infinity ag said:
You didn't ask this, but pay off all debt first. Don't quibble about interest rate, it is priceless to feel that you have no debt. You both make a very good amount of money so 45k should be no big deal.
I paid off in 2018 and have no debt since and I feel good. My son went to college a few years ago and I paid everything myself. I am looking to buy a new car and may get it financed but pay off in a few months.
If making good money, have job security, and not considering cutting earning power in half once wife starts squirting out kids, then using leverage is a powerful tool in today's financial world... especially in the last 20 years.
Now, the last 12 months doesn't support that but we'll see.
My mortgage is 2.5%... no way I'm paying that off vs. continuing to pump money into the market.
That is up to him.
Leverage (its misuse) is the reason why most people are heavily in debt today. Most people are de-sensitized to it and are okay to die in debt.
So if he has the money to to buy a house with no debt, he should go for it. I didn't, I had to take out a loan but I paid it off in 8 years. It's a half million dollar house.
A friend of mine said the same as you, and found themselves with 5-6 debt accounts all going on at the same time. It is okay when things are good, but if you lose your job or a downturn comes, that is when you are hit hard mentally and financially. You only see money leaving but not coming in. That is devastating mentally. I checked with him, he's paid off all his loans now and he agrees it makes a difference.
5 - 0 is better than 7 - 2 even though both are equal to 5 numerically.
At 2.5% you wouldn't buy the house in cash, but at 6% if you have the money you would certainly consider it (depending on your tax bracket, you could deduct a large percentage or all of your mortgage interest which would then hammer that 6% down to an effective 3% or so).
Proposition Joe said:
At 2.5% you wouldn't buy the house in cash, but at 6% if you have the money you would certainly consider it.
Depends again.
Bill Gates would just buy in cash, whatever the cost. Whereas I would take out a loan but pay it down aggressively. So it depends on your net worth. Again here it depends on the price, if it was a cheap condo for $50k I would pay in cash today. If I moved to the Bay Area and bought a $3M house, I would take out a loan.
26 years ago when I bought my first car, I put down about $5k to buy a $22k car. I spent about 3-4 years paying it down.
Today?
I am looking for a 55-60k car for my wife and am planning to pay in cash or pay off in a few months. I don't really care about financing and fighting over 5% or 8%. The recent market crash caused the delay but I was all set in Jan. The issue is I don't want to sell any stock to buy the car either though I have in cash the initial payment I need to buy it today.
Worrying over a few percentage points of loan causes us to miss the big picture. But it is a phase we all go through and I have gone through it as well. My only advice is to keep your debt to a minimum. That will give you a lot of mental space. It is better to have NW of $500k with 0 debt, than have a NW of $1M with $500k debt. You will see the difference in a downturn, not when things are going well.
So... "if you have the money you would certainly consider it" ? 
At 2.5% in the current market environment you'd be foolish not to have the mortgage -- you can earn more than that in any number of fixed investments.
At 6%, unless you are writing off the interest, taking on the mortgage would be a -EV in the current climate.
Everything else comes down to financial habits and state of mind. Yes, if you're Bill Gates then taking on any debt isn't worth your attention. Yes, if you're terrible with money then taking on even a 0.1% mortgage might wind up being bad move.
Doesn't really change the basic math though.
At 2.5% in the current market environment you'd be foolish not to have the mortgage -- you can earn more than that in any number of fixed investments.
At 6%, unless you are writing off the interest, taking on the mortgage would be a -EV in the current climate.
Everything else comes down to financial habits and state of mind. Yes, if you're Bill Gates then taking on any debt isn't worth your attention. Yes, if you're terrible with money then taking on even a 0.1% mortgage might wind up being bad move.
Doesn't really change the basic math though.
Proposition Joe said:
So... "if you have the money you would certainly consider it" ?
At 2.5% in the current market environment you'd be foolish not to have the mortgage -- you can earn more than that in any number of fixed investments.
At 6%, unless you are writing off the interest, taking on the mortgage would be a -EV in the current climate.
Everything else comes down to financial habits and state of mind. Yes, if you're Bill Gates then taking on any debt isn't worth your attention. Yes, if you're terrible with money then taking on even a 0.1% mortgage might wind up being bad move.
Doesn't really change the basic math though.
That is why I said, it depends on one's net worth. For Bill Gates, it almost never makes sense to take on any debt for personal dealings. If he does, I am sure he is being very clever about it, that is why he is Bill Gates and I am not.
My usual modus operandi is to get the loan for a car or a house, just because when I last did it 10 and 15 years ago, I was not in a very financially stable situation. Today, for a car, I would pay cash or get a loan from a dealer and get a discount just for it. I believe dealers get some incentives from banks to push financing so I want a piece of that. Then I pay off in 3-4 months.
45k loan on 365k annual income is not a lot so he should pay off in 2-3 years max. That frees up the mind for more investments and plans. You don't want to spend all your life mired in loans.
My point is it is not just math, it is emotions also. When the downturn comes or if both lose their jobs, it is better to not have any debt, feels infinitely better and I have been there.
Ultimately I agree with you. People "below water" -- even just a little bit -- will have a hard time ever getting above water.
Once you are above water, staying there really isn't that hard.
Once you are above water, staying there really isn't that hard.
I'll say it... This is not great advice for OP based on the details provided.infinity ag said:
You didn't ask this, but pay off all debt first. Don't quibble about interest rate, it is priceless to feel that you have no debt. You both make a very good amount of money so 45k should be no big deal.
I paid off in 2018 and have no debt since and I feel good. My son went to college a few years ago and I paid everything myself. I am looking to buy a new car and may get it financed but pay off in a few months.
- High income,
- Decent saving
- Earning significantly more than spending (putting an extra $2k/per month towards student loans and still has other savings)
- Low and manageable debt on something that likely had a positive ROI
- Newlywed hoping to buy a house in the near future
There are certainly additional details that could change my perspective (expecting children soon, one spouse will stop working, career instability, other debt not mentioned, etc). I get Dave Ramsey will advise to avoid debt at all costs and that is probably worthwhile for the majority of financially illiterate Americas that can't manage a monthly/annual budget and don't understand compound interest, but that doesn't appear to OP's profile.
I get some people are very risk-adverse (including perhaps OP's wife), but there are opportunity costs associated with that. Paying off all debt right now would probably put his family 2-3 years behind schedule of buying a house. If you're too risk-adverse, you might miss out on living life. Newlyweds in early-mid 30s, likely wanting children in the next several years (I'm implying based on age and most people's desires), trying to set down roots. Last thing I want for OP is to have a strained marriage from being too risk-adverse.
I'm certainly not saying YOLO it and take on a bunch of debt, but OP appears to be fine.
themissinglink said:I'll say it... This is not great advice for OP based on the details provided.infinity ag said:
You didn't ask this, but pay off all debt first. Don't quibble about interest rate, it is priceless to feel that you have no debt. You both make a very good amount of money so 45k should be no big deal.
I paid off in 2018 and have no debt since and I feel good. My son went to college a few years ago and I paid everything myself. I am looking to buy a new car and may get it financed but pay off in a few months.
- High income,
- Decent saving
- Earning significantly more than spending (putting an extra $2k/per month towards student loans and still has other savings)
- Low and manageable debt on something that likely had a positive ROI
- Newlywed hoping to buy a house in the near future
There are certainly additional details that could change my perspective (expecting children soon, one spouse will stop working, career instability, other debt not mentioned, etc). I get Dave Ramsey will advise to avoid debt at all costs and that is probably worthwhile for the majority of financially illiterate Americas that can't manage a monthly/annual budget and don't understand compound interest, but that doesn't appear to OP's profile.
I get some people are very risk-adverse (including perhaps OP's wife), but there are opportunity costs associated with that. Paying off all debt right now would probably put his family 2-3 years behind schedule of buying a house. If you're too risk-adverse, you might miss out on living life. Newlyweds in early-mid 30s, likely wanting children in the next several years (I'm implying based on age and most people's desires), trying to set down roots. Last thing I want for OP is to have a strained marriage from being too risk-adverse.
I'm certainly not saying YOLO it and take on a bunch of debt, but OP appears to be fine.
He will have a strained marriage (or divorce) if he reaches 45 and still cribs about debt. That is why I am recommending to bite the bullet now. Look at the US itself, $38T in debt. Why? Because no one cared when it was $5T because it was "small" and people wanted to l live their lives and enjoy. Nothing in life is free. You pay now or later. I am recommending paying now when it is relatively painless in smaller doses.
They have a high income and manageable debt. Why even keep it on the books? Make a plan to get it off the books in 2-3 years. When kids come, expenses grow, college, medical bills etc are coming, so you want to focus on that rather than this. The more accounts you have open, the more it will stress you. This won't be seen in good times, it will show up in bad times.
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Charismatic Megafauna said:
Curious/related: what's you guys' threshold for "discussing" discretionary purchases with your spouse?
Don't really have one. After being married 18 years, we just kind of know it when we see it.
You sound like someone who is stressed out about debt constantly. The advise to pay off debt is probably great for you. Without knowing OP, maybe it would be great advise for him, but I don't get that impression from his post.Quote:
He will have a strained marriage (or divorce) if he reaches 45 and still cribs about debt. That is why I am recommending to bite the bullet now. Look at the US itself, $38T in debt. Why? Because no one cared when it was $5T because it was "small" and people wanted to l live their lives and enjoy. Nothing in life is free. You pay now or later. I am recommending paying now when it is relatively painless in smaller doses.
They have a high income and manageable debt. Why even keep it on the books? Make a plan to get it off the books in 2-3 years. When kids come, expenses grow, college, medical bills etc are coming, so you want to focus on that rather than this. The more accounts you have open, the more it will stress you. This won't be seen in good times, it will show up in bad times.
There is always risk to life, but there is also a limited amount of time to actually live life. OP appears to have taken on debt to get a decent paying job (and the ROI of that decision appears to be fine). Personal finance should be about maximizing happiness with your resources, not just minimizing downside risk. Certainly lots of downside risk is something to consider, but OP's personal finances are in better shape than probably 80-90% of families his age. I need more than platitudes about the national debt to convince me paying off all his debt is a good idea.
Why keep it on the books? Because the other side is his wife hates him for 2-3 years because they live in a ****ty apartment on the bad side of town, delay starting a family until mid-late 30s, and miss out on living the life they want because they was too risk adverse.
I'm not saying double down, take on other huge debts, and ignore it. I'm saying don't make it your top priority unless you are very risk adverse.
I am a very risk adverse person with a healthy net worth for my age a little bit older than OP. I'm at the stage in life you mentioned where life comes at you fast with kids getting into more expensive hobbies and expenses growing. If I could give advice to my newlywed 30 y./o self, it would be "you're both doing fine and don't be afraid to live a little bit more". Not to say that we haven't some, but maybe I would have splurged a few more times.
themissinglink said:You sound like someone who is stressed out about debt constantly. The advise to pay off debt is probably great for you. Without knowing OP, maybe it would be great advise for him, but I don't get that impression from his post.Quote:
He will have a strained marriage (or divorce) if he reaches 45 and still cribs about debt. That is why I am recommending to bite the bullet now. Look at the US itself, $38T in debt. Why? Because no one cared when it was $5T because it was "small" and people wanted to l live their lives and enjoy. Nothing in life is free. You pay now or later. I am recommending paying now when it is relatively painless in smaller doses.
They have a high income and manageable debt. Why even keep it on the books? Make a plan to get it off the books in 2-3 years. When kids come, expenses grow, college, medical bills etc are coming, so you want to focus on that rather than this. The more accounts you have open, the more it will stress you. This won't be seen in good times, it will show up in bad times.
There is always risk to life, but there is also a limited amount of time to actually live life. OP appears to have taken on debt to get a decent paying job (and the ROI of that decision appears to be fine). Personal finance should be about maximizing happiness with your resources, not just minimizing downside risk. Certainly lots of downside risk is something to consider, but OP's personal finances are in better shape than probably 80-90% of families his age. I need more than platitudes about the national debt to convince me paying off all his debt is a good idea.
Why keep it on the books? Because the other side is his wife hates him for 2-3 years because they live in a ****ty apartment on the bad side of town, delay starting a family until mid-late 30s, and miss out on living the life they want because they was too risk adverse.
I'm not saying double down, take on other huge debts, and ignore it. I'm saying don't make it your top priority unless you are very risk adverse.
I am a very risk adverse person with a healthy net worth for my age a little bit older than OP. I'm at the stage in life you mentioned where life comes at you fast with kids getting into more expensive hobbies and expenses growing. If I could give advice to my newlywed 30 y./o self, it would be "you're both doing fine and don't be afraid to live a little bit more". Not to say that we haven't some, but maybe I would have splurged a few more times.
What makes you think so? I have no debt currently so there is no question about stressing out about it. Haven't had any since 2018. I have a pretty good net worth as well.
What I shared with the OP was some learning that I had from my experiences. Of course, he may choose to take it or ignore it. Just like he will do to other bits of advice on this thread.
Your approach may be to take a lot of debt, invest in the market and make a lot of money. Sure that can work. However, the risk is there when the market crashes, and you aren't quick to get your money out (I am almost never quick enough), you lose a lot. My friend used to do this. My approach is to pay off all debt first, be worry free about the downside and only focus on the upside. As years go by, I notice many people who are financially strong pay off debt as soon as they can. Also I want to add that "doing a little more" does not mean "don't want to pay off debt". I mentioned earlier to have a plan to pay off the 45k in about 2 years. Maybe 3.
I am not looking to get into an argument as there is purely subjective and neither viewpoint is "wrong", if you love debt go right ahead.
If this is something you're thinking about prior to getting married - you shouldn't be getting married to that person.agnerd said:
I'm a fan of "before marriage" and "after marriage" separation after seeing a friend go through a divorce. Especially if you're the person with the larger net worth.
Any accounts you had before marriage stay separate. Don't contribute a penny to it after marriage. Keep it as separate property so you can keep it if your spouse cheats and then files for divorce.
After marriage, combine everything together. In a divorce, that all gets split in half anyway. Save for the new house together once your married.
If you've already comingled funds (continued to contribute to accounts after marriage), it's too late and you're better off just combining everything now.
sellthefarm said:If this is something you're thinking about prior to getting married - you shouldn't be getting married to that person.agnerd said:
I'm a fan of "before marriage" and "after marriage" separation after seeing a friend go through a divorce. Especially if you're the person with the larger net worth.
Any accounts you had before marriage stay separate. Don't contribute a penny to it after marriage. Keep it as separate property so you can keep it if your spouse cheats and then files for divorce.
After marriage, combine everything together. In a divorce, that all gets split in half anyway. Save for the new house together once your married.
If you've already comingled funds (continued to contribute to accounts after marriage), it's too late and you're better off just combining everything now.
I'd say it depends….obviously extreme examples but if you're 22, I can see your viewpoint. If you're 60, have grown kids, maybe widowed and believe that money should go to your kids, etc., then I really don't see any red flags in that approach.
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