at the will reading?

when you start being able to not take care of things?

any advantages to telling them while they are still young?

Similar to GeorgiAg. I never knew the amount until later in adulthood, but I always knew directionally where they were simply because of how we lived and how they were brought up. It was a CPA household so money was a conversation that was never shied away from. My parents educated us on money and how it worked all growing up which absolutely shaped my thoughts and strategy around money as an adult.

I'm now executor of their estate and pulled them into our umbrella under our FA and connected their stuff to mine, so I can keep an eye on it.

Grew up poor. Always knew we were, but didn't know how poor. Later, I realized the why. Have spent years trying to become financially literate, now. Always told my step-son that mom and dad had money, but he was broke!

Along with how much to leave your kids, I think about this as well. Right now, I am of the thought that the ideal time is some time after they have finished school and attained employment and the time that your mind starts to go and you need help. Unfortunately, I have seen a few kids up close and in person who have inherited trust funds early in life and I can see signs of the money being "demotivating" to them.

I was just having this conversation a few weeks ago with a friend of mine who is worth hundreds of millions. He has three kids still in school, and is very acutely aware of the dangers of letting them know what awaits them. They live a very nice lifestyle, and his kids have seen a lot of evidence of what the family has (including entire buildings at home and abroad donated to a prominent university by their grandfather), but he has also chosen not to let them know what their Trust funds hold. So far, it seems to be working out for him in terms of the effort his kids are putting forth with regards to their educations.

My parents gave my brother and me full disclosure when we were both over 25. He has one of us accompany him on his annual in-person visit with the FA. We both have full access to all of their accounts now. For them, it was for protection against fraud or anything sleazily occurring. They keep about $3k cash in the house safe and a single checkbook for one account with ~$5k in it. They use their credit cards for everything, and they're set to autopay.

They're also the parents who, if either of us asked for a loan or something, they'd have it wired to us within the hour (e.g., I was closing on a commercial property and had a delay in some funds). Dad wired me $150k within 2 hours. I closed on the property, and he got his money back in a week, and a trip to Hawaii from me for it.

They're not big spenders, but they won't deny themselves something they truly want. At least six "SKI (Spending Kids' Inheritance)" trips each year. Think they're drawing less than 4% on the IRAs. With that and the SS, it is more money than they made being employed, and they're pretty charitable with it.

Don't have any kids of my own, and don't care how much my parents have.

4 figures? Huh? is that even an inheritance?

3 kids all in HS. They know we are well off as it is impossible to hide. We take expensive trips, 3 lake homes, bunch of other RE, Business RE, etc.... As they get older, they put 2 and 2 together but we never talk about how much we have.

We will prob sit them down when they are all done with school and tell them what they have because I plan on giving them most of their inheritance slowly in their late 20's and 30's. I don't believe in giving it to them when they are 50's and don't need it anymore.

Medaggie said:

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4 figures? Huh? is that even an inheritance?

3 kids all in HS. They know we are well off as it is impossible to hide. We take expensive trips, 3 lake homes, bunch of other RE, Business RE, etc.... As they get older, they put 2 and 2 together but we never talk about how much we have.

We will prob sit them down when they are all done with school and tell them what they have because I plan on giving them most of their inheritance slowly in their late 20's and 30's. I don't believe in giving it to them when they are 50's and don't need it anymore.

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yes, if you tell your kids they are getting FOUR figures, make sure to tell them that is a maximum of $9,999. I tried to explain it to him but he didn't care. I mean, it was the 1980s but still...

My parents did not talk about money. It was a source of anxiety I guess, or not fun.

Me and my wife arent well off but doing better than our parents who were teachers, and 1 cop. We have talked about money openly with our 9 yr old for about 2 years now.

I thought the same thing growing up in college station. But now being in Houston there are plenty of crappy houses with 2 floors so dont know if I would have thought that here

DavysApprentice said:

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aggiesherpa said:

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our 8 year old thinks we are poor because we don't have an upstairs. The things kids think.

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My 8 year old thinks the same thing

Cracks me up. What's funny is that is actually the only barometer for him in thinking people are rich.

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Same here.

Diggity said:

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We now how about 5 distinct threads on the B&I board for folks to brag about how rich their parents are

Probably could use a few more.

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FIFM

The answer depends on how much you have.

This is an interesting thread and I've enjoyed reading the posts.

I am not a Dave Ramsey protege, but I do agree with many of his recommendations. When it comes to inheritance, he is a strong believer the adult children should know what their parents plan to do with their money.

I've always felt the need to pass on a portion of what I've saved to my children. I was surprised to find out from my Schwab Advisor that he felt the exact opposite...that he wanted to spend his last dime the day before he died. I only share this because I think it's important that parents make a point of their position. One of my step daughters is married to a man whose parents are both medical doctors. They've repeatedly told their children they won't get a dime when they pass. I had to laugh about the poster who commented about not having a second floor on their house. I've never been to the house my son in law was raised, but he said it has an elevator. I think that tells me something about their house and net worth!

We're in the process of a major overhaul concerning our wills. We have done really well financially and we want our wills to reflect that when it comes to providing for our grandkids, charities, and finally, our daughters. The problem is funding a daughter who we know would just check out. Kind of like giving cocaine to an addict.

Back to Dave Ramsey. He also believes a family member that is being left out of the will should know well before the terms of the will are executed. That's a bold concept...and one I'm not prepared to address at the moment.

That's hilarious.

12thAngryMan said:

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Never had a detailed conversation with my parents about it, other than a random comment here and there that it was their money that they had earned and the kids could all go out and earn their own. We lived an upper middle class lifestyle in a low cost of living area, so my sense is they have a decent nest egg.

As for my plans, I just don't see much reason to tip your hand on inheritance plans. Seems to me that only bad can come from it unless they are wanting to take some reasonable risk that involves working hard (e.g., starting their own business) and having a backstop would help inform their decision.

Side note/genuinely curious: why would one possibly need or want 3 lake houses? Maintaining one home is enough of a PITA...

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As someone who managed 2 homes for about 5 years, I hear you. It's an absolute PITA. However, some people have so much damn money they simply don't know what to do with it all so they buy houses.

The folks that just bought our house now own 2 ranches and 4 homes across two states. We discovered this after the fact although we already knew them before they purchased it. Stresses me out to even think about that.

My brothers in-laws and one of their kids have ton of money. They buy land and build homes simply because they have so much money. Buying land becomes a hobby and sport for them.

Kool said:

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As a kid, I thought having a swimming pool in your backyard was the definition of rich. We never had one, I have never had one.

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I have contemplated having a pool several times. I could afford the capital expenditure, but the deal killer is having an asset that is really a liability in terms of O&M. I try not to own too much stuff like that.

ToddyHill said:

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This is an interesting thread and I've enjoyed reading the posts.

I am not a Dave Ramsey protege, but I do agree with many of his recommendations. When it comes to inheritance, he is a strong believer the adult children should know what their parents plan to do with their money.

I've always felt the need to pass on a portion of what I've saved to my children. I was surprised to find out from my Schwab Advisor that he felt the exact opposite...that he wanted to spend his last dime the day before he died. I only share this because I think it's important that parents make a point of their position. One of my step daughters is married to a man whose parents are both medical doctors. They've repeatedly told their children they won't get a dime when they pass. I had to laugh about the poster who commented about not having a second floor on their house. I've never been to the house my son in law was raised, but he said it has an elevator. I think that tells me something about their house and net worth!

We're in the process of a major overhaul concerning our wills. We have done really well financially and we want our wills to reflect that when it comes to providing for our grandkids, charities, and finally, our daughters. The problem is funding a daughter who we know would just check out. Kind of like giving cocaine to an addict.

Back to Dave Ramsey. He also believes a family member that is being left out of the will should know well before the terms of the will are executed. That's a bold concept...and one I'm not prepared to address at the moment.

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Usually in the will there is a token cash amount left for that person so that they don't contest the will. I saw a will recently from the 1990s where someone died with three children. The black sheep was left with a trust of about $10k, and the other two siblings were put in charge of the trust. Meanwhile there was a some sizeable real estate left to the other two siblings. The will actually detailed why the decision was made. The parents loved him, but (according to the will) had wasted his life and would never amount to much. I thought that was really harsh.

We thought about keeping our kids in the dark, but now that they're all getting into high school and starting to get wiser to the world, we didn't really think it practical to continue crafting a narrative that doesn't reflect the reality. We aren't gozillionaires, but we are decently well off. But we have already instilled frugalness in them. And they are pretty down to earth for their age. They're well aware we will cut any of them out if they don't grow into strong, kind, and decent people. For us, the policy of honesty and transparency was more important than trying to create some kind of curated experience.