Good advice. I'm not too worried about any of the equipment out there since they'll need it to maintain "their land" - I'm sure it will be maintained (especially while Dad is still around to do it). As far as contents of the house - again - not too concerned because we really don't want anything out of there. A few small mementos maybe, but even if things migrate to "their house on their land" she'll say they gave it to her & that will probably be the truth.

We don't have kids, so the buck will stop here on my side. They have a son to continue passing on to, so that might be another reason they are making some of the decisions they are.

We're really OK with it, or are heading that way anyway. Just kind of hard to get used to and I know we will spend less time out there, but we will always be civil & kind.

I guess next update will be years from now as things progress - I don't see anything drastic surfacing until there's a major health problem or someone offs my BIL for being an a**hole. Maybe my next post will be photos of the storage units or trailer park on my part....

Unbelievable that I started this thread in 2016. Thanks, all, for letting me vent and for offering up such solid advice along the way. Much appreciated.

Minor update.

"The kids" as my parents call them now were out last weekend doing whatever it is they do out there. They have had some trees cleared but nothing else. We get a call from Sis & BIL when they went home - mind you, they have NEVER called us to discuss anything about this whole transaction from the very beginning - but suddenly they want to loop us in? Reason? Well, seems like they are just now getting that Dad is "so particular" about everything. HA! That's an understatement. I don't know the whole story (because I never do) but here are the 2 tales - our comments in italics & thoughts in bold):

BIL side: "Uh..... I don't want to get into family business (HA! again) ...errr.....um..... but do y'all not go out there much because you don't get along with them?" "Uh, no, we're just really busy with a renovation project and have been working for the last 3 years on various projects - we do call them every Sunday though. Why?" "Your Dad was very anti-social this weekend and barely spoke to us. It was all over a misunderstanding & I told him I just didn't understand him & the way he acts."

I'm sure that went over well.

Parent's side: "Well, they were out here for Spring Break and left early." "Why????" "BIL arrived with a burr up his ass and was very condescending. "Ended up with Sis crying." "Hmmmmm....." Not surprised. - she always cries to them. "Daddy asked if she was on her period" I'm sure that went over well - another HA! Then the kicker from Mom: "I told them we'd give them their money back if they want." WHAT?!?!? "They said no. That they can't wait to get out here. I know you want to say I told you so." "Not at all, sorry this happened, etc... but not much we can say about it, I guess you'll just have to work it out."

It will be interesting to see how this goes. I hate it for my parents but they made their bed......

Oh - also a few months ago they told the parents that they want to sell their house first & use that money to build. They don't want to waste money on rent somewhere and want to stay with them for the 6 months or so it will take. Again, never know if I get the whole story, but parents supposedly said "no." That was before this little incident that led to no one speaking & the crying. I just can't see how this is going to work. But we've thought that from the get-go.

Your BIL sounds like a real prize. There is one in almost every family somewhere and they cause needless headaches. Best of luck dealing with them in the future.

I can cancel my spring calendar tag to ask for an update ... thanks

Leon Sandcastle said:

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Just read the whole thread. Dealing with a similar situation with my mom and her brothers.

I will never leave anything undivided interest, especially real estate.

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I think I speak for everyone here:
Please start a new thread and tell the whole story. We'd love another one of these to keep up with.

(PS - sorry you are dealing with it)

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Just read the whole thread. Dealing with a similar situation with my mom and her brothers.

I will never leave anything undivided interest, especially real estate.

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Sorry to hear that your family is going thru this. I would like to read more about it, too, if you feel like sharing. A new thread would be great to keep details separate.

Things like this affect how you think about simple family matters. Just today I had to go get a license for my utility trailer - $60. I thought about putting it in my Dad's name to get farm tags - like $9 - but then thought: HELL NO. If something happened to my Dad, I swear my sister would claim it as Dad's & feel entitled to half - or the way things are going ALL.

Time for a brief update to show what kind of people we're dealing with. Nephew was just diagnosed with a condition that there is no cure or surgery for. I don't want to go into it, but they will try to help with some massive meds and he is currently in ICU & will be for as long as it takes to get him to the proper doses then will be able to go home but his lifestyle will be substantially different. Long term prognosis is not good.

While at the hospital the last 2 days with him building lego things & watching videos like Uncles & Aunts do, every time I left the room - for coffee, phone call, etc. it seems like BIL tracked me down to talk. Not specifically about his son, but mostly derogatory comments about my parents & the property. How difficult dealing with my Dad is, how although they were told that they could use any of the equipment they need to use but now Dad oversees, questions, insists on proper maintenance & clean up, etc. Says they bought the land & they should be able to do what they want. Of course I said "then buy your own equipment & do it" which was scoffed at. Also asked what we plan to do with our part eventually since "you have no connection to the land & never go" - WHAT? I told him I have plenty of feels about that property but that we have established ourselves elsewhere for retirement and have no intentions of pulling up roots to move out there. I told him we call parents every week and are always available to them should they need anything. Another scoff. As to our share of the property, I flat out told him we would sell it for market rate if we ever get it but am hoping that my part will still be my parents backup plan for their own use should they need it. He said "Yeah, that's what I told your sister you would do". Each time, I hurried up my errand to get back to ICU & avoid further discussions. I also tried to avoid really getting into anything with him because of the present situation. Time & place extremely wrong.

He did say that last time they were there after a blow up about something my Dad said he'd buy them out. BIL was SHOCKED. He said there was no way they could find other land as nice & as cheap. Ugh.

BUT the main thing is that no less than 4-5 times he made comments that he could stick it out because "well, they won't be there forever" - WTF?!?

SS sorry to hear but not surprising. I have a feeling you are only in the 4-5th inning in this drama.

Oh Schwack. I'm sorry for you and for your nephew.

You need to beat the **** out of your brother in law. I don't know that it would fix anything but you sure as well won't regret it and it will probably feel pretty damn good.

you mean to tell me that, this whole time, I've thought SS was a guy, she was actually a lady??? UGH...

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Just to note: SS is a lady not that it matters

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you mean to tell me that, this whole time, I've thought SS was a guy, she was actually a lady??? UGH...

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Full transparency here: the Schwacks are a married couple - hence the Schwack Schwack. The lady Schwack is way more into social media/online stuff. She signed up & I mooch on her account occasionally. She posts most of the time in the other forums. She suggested I tell the tale and that I would get great advice here on this issue. And I have and appreciate it.

So, to clear up the confusion - you are both right. This is my post. I am Mr. Schwack. I also post in the bourbon thread & she is pretty much football & old rivalries. And some politics.

Sorry for the confusion.
We will be more clear in the future.

PS - So, yes, I could beat BIL's ass. It might happen some day.

I'll gladly chip in to your legal fund if you whip this moochers ass.

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Fair? No. What my grandpa wanted to do? Yes.

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That's the only way to really look at this stuff. My parents are of sound mind - but can be swayed, obviously. We'll see how things progress. Especially now that there is a medical situation that really should require them to stay where they are with our nephews current doctors. That said, you never know with them. They are all concerned now that school started yesterday & he's not able to go. Seriously? That would be so far from my concerns in their situation. ......shrug.....

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any updates?

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It's a mess, as predicted. They haven't broken ground on the house yet but after many conflicts lately they bought an RV and parked it on their place because the 4 of them can't stay in the same house. The only one that seems happy out there is our 11 year old nephew.

We were there for Christmas - they came out for a couple of hours Christmas Day I think to pick up nephews gifts. Didn't really talk to the parents or anyone else very much.

Not sure where the problems actually started but may have been when they had a bunch of trees taken down or the water well drilled - turns out big trucks on Dad's driveway are a big no-no. Also tons of issues on them borrowing Dad's tools, tractors, chainsaws, etc. - not that they do anything wrong per se - it's just that he is incredibly picky about his stuff.

But things have really escalated with the electricity. The whole front of the property is fronted by a railroad track. To have power run over/under it is apparently a big deal with a big fee up front + you have to carry insurance or something + the cost of burying wire to their site, etc. I gather it was gonna be pretty spendy.

They pestered the parents into granting them an easement (all legally done & filed with the county) to bury the wire all the way across the front of their property from their pole. Big mistake & no one asked my opinion. It's about a 750-1000 foot run (guessing) and they were going to hire a guy to dig the 4' trench with a trackhoe. That's right - a 3' bucket & then fill in with a dozer + they would have to cut thru his driveway. Dad was a big HELL NO and shut that down. However now they say "Well, we have the easement", "It's just a hay field" (no, it's their front yard), Sis now says they will rent a ride on trencher & do it themselves. Be interesting when they hit some pretty sizeable pine tree roots - I picture it a bit like bullriding. Dad says he'd rather just pay half of the cost from the other pole just to get them off his property. But Sis is a NO GO on that because she doesn't want to pay anything extra and "WE HAVE THE EASEMENT". They went behind Dad's back on some things in a very ballsy way & he does not feel respected by them at all. Don't get me started on Mom - one Bud Light & it's a rantapalooza. They both say they should have listened to us. It's getting harder to stifle some big, fat I TOLD YOU SOs, but I am. I just keep telling them it's a done deal & they'll get thru it. That's all I can say.

This is before even a shovel of dirt has happened on their site. I'm trying to stay Swiss on it. I did call them once I knew how upset Dad is and just offered my opinion that they should take him up on the offer to go from the other pole and build their own driveway and try very hard to keep everything as separate from now on. Build their own barn, get their own tools, etc. if they don't want to keep having these conflicts.

Happy New Year!

So, that's where it stands. Plan is still for them to build. I'm hoping once they get this power thing resolved they can give each other some room to cool off.

I think the landed gentry had it right with primogeniture. First dibs on any family land goes to my eldest son (with enough money to pay any taxes). The second boy gets the liquid assets.

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Semi-annual (post mother/fathers day) calendar tag came up today ... updates?

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Hi Aggie Rick - It still amazes me that this thread gets the attention it does, but I am happy to open my experience up to everyone in hopes that it can maybe prevent what's happened to us.

Not much going on - that we hear about, anyway. We didn't go out for either holiday due to "The Covid". Once that last fiasco with the easement & buried power was finished, not much has happened. They still stay in the RV & have very little contact with the parents when out there messing around on "their" property. They bought & moved a storage building and of course still want to use all of Dad's tools. Constant grumbling by both sides on that. B-I-L doesn't talk but stares at them a lot. Mom gets annoyed that they don't tell them when they are coming - I tell them that it's their land & they should be able to come & go as they please. I keep telling her to just treat them like a neighbor. (Which will suck for them because she is always in their neighbor's business.... she doesn't miss much out there - ha!)

Supposedly, the house build is going to start this fall. Dad doesn't want big delivery or cement trucks using the driveway - so, we'll see.

Semi-annual calendar tag came up today ... anything new to update us on?

Not much to report, really. They are supposed to start the dirt work & foundation this month. Covid & 2020 have kept us out of things, away from "the compound" and delayed their plans somewhat. From what the parents say, they pretty much stay on their side when they go out there & have very little contact or conversation.

I figure the driveway will be the next issue as things start to happen. They've had all fall/winter so far to get it done & haven't bothered. They are going to have to get that done because Dad is not going to have his driveway torn up - he's adamant about that & told has told them many times that he won't allow big trucks on his asphalt. Of course, we've seen them back down throughout the whole process..... so we'll see how it pans out, but he does love his driveway so maybe this will be his line in the sand.