Such a great episode.

This season has been fantastic.

I would seriously buy Russfest merch if it wasn't "sold out".

Jared the past few episodes has had me rolling

Aggie_3 said:

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Jared the past few episodes has had me rolling

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"Why wouldn't someone want to be your friend, Holden?

You're not a piece of ****, are you?"

The preview for next week has a great Jared one-liner.

Richard: "Am I going to jail?"

Jared: "Hey, I can train you."

Another really fun episode. I knew Dinesh going to Hawaii would be bad, but when Gabe appeared on the plane I actually LOL'd, things going poorly for Dinesh are always entertaining. Gilfoyle and Monica scheming against HR, the best was how easy it was for Gilfoyle and how hard it was for Monica. Jared makes Holden so uncomfortable it's hard to deal with, in the best way, you can feel how awkward it is. Richard and Gavin on stage, every time Richard thinks he's won at something, the train derails. And to top it all off...Russ Hanneman to the rescue, perfect.

That #Tethics shirt was so rad, love it.

Jin yang the list eater

B*tchard

My hologram can dry hump festival goers from behind...if they ask for it...hashtag woke.

I love how Russ feels the need to say something vulgar, then PC it up

I don't want it to end

Mark Cuban (Russ) is the best

Jin Yang still using dead Eric-ah Bachman's name to stay under the radar, and creating an underage girl's coding camp to make money submitting online reviews is awesome!

She just sent it back to me Sunday night and I've been swamped at work (ironically as a Software Developer) so haven't gotten to go through the entire script. She gave very detailed notes on the entire thing, but started with a one page of overall feedback. The cliff notes:

• "Overall, this is a great story! Your characters are compelling and your description is beautiful. I really liked the overall arc of your later acts and the ending is very solid."
• "My main criticism is that it's on the long side. ... Granted, under 2 hours is the goal, which you hit, but part of my feeling comes from how long it takes to get to the end of Act 1. ... I would cut out a good portion of the forty or so pages and start the film at a later point, when you are closer to the action and the meat of the story."
• "And as much as I loved how richly you described scenes, I would cut down some on your description passages. Only include as many details as you need to convey tone and the necessary plot points."
• "Really good work for a first script though! Good luck!"

So, she didn't immediately have her agent call me and fly me out for meetings, but overall I'll definitely take it. The films that inspired my approach to the story were all very meticulous and slow moving, so I can see how the slow start might have been the result. I think it's a valid critique to revisit that.

Other than that she just recommended taken a couple passes for just general grammar and spelling. In the script itself she added additional specific notes and some examples of grammar correction.

To this point she's only like the third person to read it. The first was a friend of mine from high school who is an editor in LA, was an assistant editor on some big movies (The Holiday, Lions For Lambs, Savages, We Bought A Zoo, Aloha) and worked himself up to head editor about 5 years ago, working on some nice projects (Roadies, Home Again, Castle Rock, The Affair). He was very complimentary and said he loved it.

The second was whoever read it as part of it's submission to the BlueCat Screenplay Contest (Reader# 9278), whose critique was very similar to Gwart's. Applauded the script overall and specifically my action lines and descriptive blocks, but that the first act slowed down towards the end.

So, it's off to tweak.

That's awesome.

Though, part of me was secretly hoping that her coverage was simply a Skype session where she only stared at you and blinked through those big glasses and then you magically understood exactly what you had to do...

"whose critique was very similar to Gwart's" is a phrase I never thought I'd see typed, but seriously that is really cool. Good luck!!

Is she more of a Linkin Park gal?

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Other than that she just recommended taken a couple passes for just general grammar and spelling.

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Same.

Big head to the rescue! He's my favorite character on this show, every time he's around it's so ridiculous. Seriously, sitting there, playing Simon, and reciting the key out loud, outstanding.

The Roger Bannister comment might be the hardest I've ever laughed at this show.