My child is being pulled into Mormonism, I need help

10,541 Views | 112 Replies | Last: 4 days ago by desperate_parent
Martin Q. Blank
How long do you want to ignore this user?
desperate_parent said:

Quote:

It was not my experience, but I know several converts that were cut off from their families because of their conversion.

My first experience with mormonism was in high school, my friend's 16 year brother was turned out by his parents when told them he did not want to be mormon anymore. My friend's comment when I asked where his older brother went? "We don't talk about ___". He told me a few years later what really happened.

Same experience with my friend. His sister wanted to convert to Christianity from Mormonism. She was around 16-17. They disowned her. Completely cut off. And they weren't crazy, cult type Mormons. They were mainstream. A normal family.
Martin Q. Blank
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Quote:

At that age, the more you confront her with the truth, the more rebellious she will be.

Yup. Best thing you can do is get really into Mormonism. Maybe even convert since it sounds like you're not religious anyway. Try to convert your wife and the whole family to "the truth". It will turn your daughter off to them pretty quick.
10andBOUNCE
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Never been in this situation but the firm, unapologetic truth in a loving and gentle way is the only way.

John 8:31-32
So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, "If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

Are you paying for their college? End of the day, you are still the parent and the commandment says they need to honor their parents. Rebellion should not be tolerated. Again, this isn't an iron fist but there has to be a way to be firm while operating out of love.
desperate_parent
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Yes, this is something we brought up. She has ben told that nobody is allowed to attend, only the bride and groom are there for the ceremony, but this is not true.

This may be a way for her to understand that she's not being told everything, and some of the things they tell her are not true.

Video of a wedding in the sealing room, with an audience as witnesses

desperate_parent
How long do you want to ignore this user?
TXAG 05 said:

Out of curiosity, what are the deep dark secrets you keep referring to? My only knowledge of Mormonism is from South Park.

I don't want this thread to turn into that, suffice it to say that Joseph Smith was a lifelong con man, arrested many times for fraud as a treasure with his seer stone, even convicted of fraud for it. This is the same stone he used to translate the BoM from the plates, the LDS church has the stone and released images of it about a decade ago after over a century of denying the "stone in the hat" story to be true.

The more people investigate, the more they learn, and the more their faith falters. The internet has made it all but impossible to hide this anymore
DarkBrandon01
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Your daughter is fond of Mormonism because she is fond of her boyfriend. Her conversion will improve their relationship. Theology isn't the primary motive here. If she realizes the mormon lifestyle isn't what she wants, then she'll leave.
TXAG 05
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
desperate_parent said:

TXAG 05 said:

Out of curiosity, what are the deep dark secrets you keep referring to? My only knowledge of Mormonism is from South Park.

I don't want this thread to turn into that, suffice it to say that Joseph Smith was a lifelong con man, arrested many times for fraud as a treasure with his seer stone, even convicted of fraud for it. This is the same stone he used to translate the BoM from the plates, the LDS church has the stone and released images of it about a decade ago after over a century of denying the "stone in the hat" story to be true.

The more people investigate, the more they learn, and the more their faith falters. The internet has made it all but impossible to hide this anymore


Gotcha. Thought that stuff was all pretty well known. Don't want to derail any further.
dermdoc
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
10andBOUNCE said:

Never been in this situation but the firm, unapologetic truth in a loving and gentle way is the only way.

John 8:31-32
So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, "If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

Are you paying for their college? End of the day, you are still the parent and the commandment says they need to honor their parents. Rebellion should not be tolerated. Again, this isn't an iron fist but there has to be a way to be firm while operating out of love.


Agree.
No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
desperate_parent
How long do you want to ignore this user?
TXAG 05 said:

Gotcha. Thought that stuff was all pretty well known. Don't want to derail any further.

That stuff is, church finally admitted to the stone in a hat story. There is a lot more
dermdoc
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Martin Q. Blank said:

Quote:

At that age, the more you confront her with the truth, the more rebellious she will be.

Yup. Best thing you can do is get really into Mormonism. Maybe even convert since it sounds like you're not religious anyway. Try to convert your wife and the whole family to "the truth". It will turn your daughter off to them pretty quick.


Trying to figure out which fruit of the Spirit you are demonstrating. Patience, peace, joy, love, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, or self control?
By their fruits ye shall know them.
No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
Martin Q. Blank
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I'd say reverse psychology would fall under patience. Although you should be careful because some may end up believing the stuff they're trying to "reverse." Happened to Randy on South Park with Sarcastaball.
desperate_parent
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Martin Q. Blank said:

Quote:

At that age, the more you confront her with the truth, the more rebellious she will be.

Yup. Best thing you can do is get really into Mormonism. Maybe even convert since it sounds like you're not religious anyway. Try to convert your wife and the whole family to "the truth". It will turn your daughter off to them pretty quick.

I don't think I should engage with deceptive intent in any way. I've done quite a bit of research on the LDS church and its history. The first wave was decades ago when I learned about my friend's brother getting kicked out of his house, not a lot of info available at that time, the second wave is over the last 5-8 years. I went through a phase digging into cults for a while, and LDS comes up quite a bit. I've been at it hard for the last year or so.

I would never even consider a false pretension of anything to do with this religion. Some faiths will grow as you learn more, some will collapse. This one seems to be the latter.
fc2112
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Have her poke around here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/
RAB91
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Most items have already been covered, but some general/random thoughts (in no particular order)....
  • As other have already said (including the OP) lead with love.
  • Since you're not Catholic, can your wife lead future conversations with her on this topic?
  • In one of those conversations she can bring up the topic of who can attend her wedding if it is in a temple.
  • Have your wife give her a few questions to ask the missionaries. Missionaries are an odd combination of naive, slightly ignorant on their faith, but highly motivated. Motivation and zeal can make up for a lot though.
  • IMO there are a lot of issues with their theology. However, if I had to boil it down to the two simplest it would be 'when & how did this great apostasy' take place' and 'what kind of man was Joseph Smith'.
Good luck with this.
desperate_parent
How long do you want to ignore this user?
RAB91 said:

Most items have already been covered, but some general/random thoughts (in no particular order)....
  • As other have already said (including the OP) lead with love.
  • Since you're not Catholic, can your wife lead future conversations with her on this topic?
  • In one of those conversations she can bring up the topic of who can attend her wedding if it is in a temple.
  • Have your wife give her a few questions to ask the missionaries. Missionaries are an odd combination of naive, slightly ignorant on their faith, but highly motivated. Motivation and zeal can make up for a lot though.
  • IMO there are a lot of issues with their theology. However, if I had to boil it down to the two simplest it would be 'when & how did this great apostasy' take place' and 'what kind of man was Joseph Smith'.
Good luck with this.


I will take these to heart. I think it would be helpful for my wife to present a list of questions for the missionaries. From what I've seen so far though, the missionaries are giving her information that isn't true, which I don't believe to be out of malice or deception, but out of ignorance and/or following instruction.

When answers come back, I need my daughter to be open to proving to herself that what they say is accurate.

An example that came up Saturday is on weddings. She was told that the marriage and sealing was done with just the bride, groom, and priest, and nobody else, which I know to be false. This was in response to my wife's concern that we would not be allowed to attend a wedding. Her response is that "nobody's allowed to attend, it's just the bride, groom, and priest, then you come out and everybody is waiting to congratulate you"

Here's a video of one:


Principal Uncertainty
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Have you read the Book of Mormon? The premise is a small group from the Levant during the time of the biblical patriarchs sailed "west" across a great ocean. There they started great cities and devolved into factions that warred with each other on horseback until they didn't. The clear implication is that these are the people we know as mezo-Americans.

Now, I can understand how many people in the mid-1800's, wouldn't have the education to refute this. But, even though horses were ubiquitous to the life of Joseph Smith, they were not indigenous to the Americas; being brought here by early English and Spanish settlers.

Even worse, up until even the 1990's DNA was not yet decoded. But now it's clear the mezo-Americans are not descendant from anyone from the Levant, but come from Asians. How do they explain that one away?
dermdoc
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Praying for your daughter and your family daily.
No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
one MEEN Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Will pray for you and your family. Couple of hard truths that need to be highlighted first though.

In general, Mormons have the ideal protestant good life. They are successful, wealthy, hard working, have large families and an extremely tight knit community. Their wards and temples also have strict liturgical rites (that are mostly stolen masonic rites but that is for another day). They are the full measure of americana mixed with protestantism. There is community for the men and women, structure, meaning, devotion and liturgical ties that give the men identity and purpose.

It is designed to absolutely smoke evangelical protestantism at everything evangelical protestantism represents. Tighter community, more kids, more identity, men in charge, reverence for rites, plain reading interpretation of the bible. Protestantism really struggles to handle the devoutness of mormonism and handle the authority question of who gets to interpret the bible.

I know you are catholic, but your kid has certainly seen you not take religion seriously. That will be her lifelong memory of you with respect to religion, but you put her in a place that taught her enough about religion that she values and seeks out a man who is taking religion seriously.

You are going to have your hands full because this is less about mormonism and more about your relationship with your daughter. She's finding everything that fills the deficiency in your catholic expression she has seen for decades now.

Now that being said, there is a young person allure working here. She isn't able to see the problems of other religions and only see how its an 'improvement' over what life she currently has experienced. Its easy to accept on face value the assertions made by the other religion that you generally have no inoculation against because you don't interact with those religions, and mormons look to have a devout, squared away life.
one MEEN Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
At its base level, you're going to have to start taking religion more seriously. It doesn't matter if you can argue the church fathers like an orthodox priest if you're still on the couch sunday morning, or not being devout. This is the left hand of God calling you out here. At least rejoice that you will be stirred to actually sort out your faith now.

Specifically against mormonism here are some big things that Mormons really like to gloss over.
-Jesus is carnally the son of God the Father. There is no trinity and they claim the trinity isn't biblical.
-The Holy Spirit is basically unknowable at this point in time. It hasn't even been given a body yet and hasn't passed through to this side of the veil.
-The smaller church buildings are called chapels or wardhouses. They are very similar to protestant ideas of what a sunday service is supposed to be. The big temples are called...temples.
-Temples have a specific purpose for their mormon laity - they are training for you to become a God. And I mean big G god here. This is central to mormonism, that through the learning of signs (handshakes) and hidden teachings (occult used in its true meaning), you can prepare yourself to become a God in the next life.
-This is because mormons are polytheists. This world belongs to God the father, but there are potentially other Gods like him that have their own version of earths. Through being a really good mormon you can become a big G god and have your own earth one day. This means that the Father is not eternal in a cosmological sense, God the father and the trinity are not uncreated. God the father isn't presiding over the divine counsel in their worldview, and if they say he is, they are hiding that there might other divine counsels we don't know about.

-There has been a de-emphasis on hand signs in the latest generation of mormonism because secret videos have come out exposing that these signs are basically stolen masonic rites. So its becomes spiritual signs that you will need to ascend in the next world. Also a de-emphasis on black people possessing the mark of Cain but they just shrug those things off. Those who got hung up on them are pushed out. Those who remain will point to progressions in christian doctrine across protestantism and this is just another progression.

Here's a pretty good video explaining temple practices. Its not a catch all of the whole mormon beliefs system but it highlights a lot of things they generally don't talk about to outsiders.




Mormonism will play very fast and loose with the term only begotten son to describe Jesus and descriptions of Mary being carnal with Joseph after the birth of Jesus ("until this very day").

To really defend off Mormonism you're going to have to speed run the history of the church. I really recommend you start with Ready to Harvest's youtube channel to learn the basics of christianity and how all the denominations have split over time.

Personally I am orthodox so I am going to say this is a perfect time to explore the early church and what that looks like today.

desperate_parent
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I think there's a bit of a misunderstanding here. I am Christian, just not Catholic. We have raised our children Catholic because that specifically is important to her, where as Christianity and the Bible are important to me.

I appreciate the feedback, there is wisdom in your words.
one MEEN Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
DarkBrandon01 said:

Your daughter is fond of Mormonism because she is fond of her boyfriend. Her conversion will improve their relationship. Theology isn't the primary motive here. If she realizes the mormon lifestyle isn't what she wants, then she'll leave.

Thats the hard part though. Mormonism does everything right on the surface from a secular american worldview perspective. Its very alluring.
desperate_parent
How long do you want to ignore this user?
one MEEN Ag said:

DarkBrandon01 said:

Your daughter is fond of Mormonism because she is fond of her boyfriend. Her conversion will improve their relationship. Theology isn't the primary motive here. If she realizes the mormon lifestyle isn't what she wants, then she'll leave.

Thats the hard part though. Mormonism does everything right on the surface from a secular american worldview perspective. Its very alluring.

That's my concern. The horror stories from people who "escaped", especially women, on how the social pressure and scorn was overwhelming and leaves them feeling trapped. This is all hidden from view during the recruiting phase
one MEEN Ag
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
desperate_parent said:

I think there's a bit of a misunderstanding here. I am Christian, just not Catholic. We have raised our children Catholic because that specifically is important to her, where as Christianity and the Bible are important to me.

I appreciate the feedback, there is wisdom in your words.

Good to hear you're a christian, but like my post said, if you're wrapped up in an the secular worldview that is protestant, mormonism does it better.

What are the biggest complaints about evangelical protestantism?
-Feminism from the top down, no place for mans authority.
-No liturgical rites
-No reverence for communion
-Minimalism with respect to sacraments, no church involvement/services besides sunday morning.
-Everyone can have their own authority to interpret the bible
-No authority structure
-Deemphasis on the spiritual world in this world.
-Weak emphasis on community or child rearing
-Customer/consumer model around church membership

Devout mormonism will eat all of that for lunch and then use all of those societal refutations as a cudgel to get people to accept bad theology.

You're going to have to really buckle down and figure out what you believe about Christianity and why. Because any argument you're coming up with from a protestant perspective to fend off mormonism they're going to point to the above arguments. Especially church and scriptural authority.

You're going to have to return to some high liturgical church form here. And that really means catholic or orthodox. The second you start thinking about joining a protestant church, even anglicanism, that is just the first step on a secular conveyer belt that will shoot you out at mormonism or atheism.

I really recommend listening to this podcast. Its not about any one church per se, but the history of the church and what do terms like secularism and modernity even mean. It will help you think about these things as the early church did.

https://www.ancientfaith.com/podcasts/the_roots_of_everything/pilot_episode_the_ideas_that_made_your_world/
swimmerbabe11
How long do you want to ignore this user?
DarkBrandon01 said:

Your daughter is fond of Mormonism because she is fond of her boyfriend. Her conversion will improve their relationship. Theology isn't the primary motive here. If she realizes the mormon lifestyle isn't what she wants, then she'll leave.



I mean, this is the real kicker. She's a freshman in college? How long have they been dating? Are they actually talking about getting married? Have you met the boy? Is she still practicing her Catholic faith at all and if so, is he willing to take her faith as seriously as she is taking his?
TxAggieBand85
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
desperate_parent said:

My child is a freshman in college, she's been dating her mormon boyfriend for a little over a year, and she's being pulled into this group. She has said he's not pushing her into it, but she has been in contact with missionaries down in San Marcos.

I've been trying to talk to her about it, but she's always put me off, never been truly willing to engage. I'm very worried and I'm looking for help to get her to see the light, and to understand she's only being shown the carefully crafted marketing presentation.

Has anybody else dealt with this? What worked?

I'm very well informed about LDS, the history, the practices, the secrets, the absence of evidence, and the conflicts in its scripture. She has said I'm always talking about the negative things. The two things I've really brought up are the polygamy, and inherent racism that is built into the core doctrine with the cursed black skin. I'm just the messenger, it's the message itself that is negative.

I'm desperate for help with this. I've gotten her to finally being conversation, but I fear she may already be too far gone.

I am not Catholic, but my wife is and we've raised our children as such.



My understanding...

If Baptized and Confirmed, deliberately pulling away and renouncing Christ may put salvation in grave jeopardy. I urge a meeting with her pastor. Very serious stuff when salvation is considered.

I share OPs concern.
7yrplan
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
I'll give my .02.

I realize from some of the posts above you may not want it. Happy to delete if it's unwanted. Not trying to cause waves. I promise.

Just offering my experience as a Mormon and as someone who went through this exact same thing, only I was your daughter in the story. ( except I'm a guy)

Years ago I attended A&M and joined the LDS church. I dated a girl who was LDS for quite a while. She was my main connection to the church. Eventually we broke up and I later joined.

Like you, my parents dreaded my involvement with the church, with the missionaries, and my eventual baptism. They fought it as hard as they could. They spent a lot of time and effort showing the issues with the church, its history, and its doctrine.


It took me a fair amount of time to understand that their approach was solely based out of their love for me.

That is my only piece of likely unwanted advice:

The main thing in you trying to guide her is to make sure she feels the love you have for her. Sometimes that gets lost in translation as often those discussions can be contentious as you attempt to steer her away.

I completely respect, admire and understand what you are tying to do. I say this as a fully active member of the LDS church.

Years later my family and I are as close as ever. I love them dearly and they love me.

Good luck and much love as you navigate what is understandably an incredibly tough road.

It's very obvious how much you love her and how concerned you are for her.
10andBOUNCE
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
swimmerbabe11 said:

DarkBrandon01 said:

Your daughter is fond of Mormonism because she is fond of her boyfriend. Her conversion will improve their relationship. Theology isn't the primary motive here. If she realizes the mormon lifestyle isn't what she wants, then she'll leave.



I mean, this is the real kicker. She's a freshman in college? How long have they been dating? Are they actually talking about getting married? Have you met the boy? Is she still practicing her Catholic faith at all and if so, is he willing to take her faith as seriously as she is taking his?

Really good points and questions. Being a freshman is a lot different than if she were a senior and dating for a year. Alas, still understand the stress it is causing. Lay it all at Jesus' feet.
PacifistAg
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG

Quote:

I would focus on the correctness of her Faith, Tradition and Church she was raised in.

Agreed. As I heard an Orthodox priest say recently, he warns against those looking to convert for negative reasons, such as political or cultural events of the day. He said that if you're coming to Orthodoxy for negative reasons, then it won't last for you. It's always better to be drawn to the faith by the good, not pushed towards it by the bad. If that makes sense.
swimmerbabe11
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I'm curious what her college friendships look like. If her social life revolves around his social life and their LDS friends, that community is going to be really really attractive to her. Unfortunately, there is almost no way for you to help her in this regard. (except maybe encouraging her to go to some Catholic social stuff or join an intramural he's not in etc to diversify her friend group)

It sounds like the response from OP has been antagonistic (understandably so) but its really important to understand what is drawing her towards LDS and asking more questions and listening more than arguing (easier said than done) What is she getting from LDS that she doesn't get from her current faith walk? What is she doubting about her current faith that would draw her to LDS? understanding is the first and most important step.
TresPuertas
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Offer to join her in a journey and exploration of faith

One of the most impactful points of my faith is my father, who was in his 70s at the time, and I exploring our faith together. I'd say don't just make this about refuting mormonism, but take the journey with her in deepening and building your relationship with Christ . There's always more you can learn and learning and building faith together presents the beautiful side effect of becoming closer through all of this.
dermdoc
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
TresPuertas said:

Offer to join her in a journey and exploration of faith

One of the most impactful points of my faith is my father, who was in his 70s at the time, and I exploring our faith together. I'd say don't just make this about refuting mormonism, but take the journey with her in deepening and building your relationship with Christ . There's always more you can learn and learning and building faith together presents the beautiful side effect of becoming closer through all of this.

I really like that idea. May do that with my own kids and grand kids.
No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
Girlhowdy
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
"Under the Banner of Heaven " by John Krakauer is a great book that outlines the history of Mormonism and Joseph Smith. It clearly details the fraudulent roots of Mormonism. The book follows an investigation of the FDLS and the crimes of their leaders. One of the most eye-opening books I've ever read. I highly recommend it for yourself and your daughter if she'd be willing to read.
Gig 'Em, Ags
PabloSerna
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
Maybe I missed it, what denomination were you raised in?
PabloSerna
How long do you want to ignore this user?
AG
" I know you are catholic, but your kid has certainly seen you not take religion seriously. That will be her lifelong memory of you with respect to religion, but you put her in a place that taught her enough about religion that she values and seeks out a man who is taking religion seriously."

A couple of thoughts on this tough love take:

1. There is still time. One only needs to read about the mother of St. Augustine to understand how long it took for his conversion.

2. I don't quite understand the second half of your comment, but it seems to me that religion IS important and a "man of faith" just as much for her. So it seems to me that the OP gave a good enough example.

3. You have set this up as a battle for her soul and while some of us do not see our LDS brothers and sisters as sharing the Christian gospel on every point- I believe them to be people of good will. That is the starting point.

In the end, each of us will have to choose a path. For some the choice is not too different than the path they were on while they were children. For others, they will follow another along a path. Sadly for some, like the seeds sowed on rocky soil, they will receive the word with joy but lack the deep roots for commitment.

Praying for y'all!
NoahAg
How long do you want to ignore this user?
If it was me I'd be tempted to say something like: "We're sooo happy for you, dear! You'll be the first of many great wives!"
 
×
subscribe Verify your student status
See Subscription Benefits
Trial only available to users who have never subscribed or participated in a previous trial.