95richmondaggie95 said:

---

Fascinating Read.....

Feel for you Schwack. My wife ran into certain issues with inheritance and it was ugly.

---

Story? Nobody likes a tease...

schwack schwack said:

---

Quote:

---

I'd be ready to turn the heat up on the sister and the BIL

---

Maybe I'll put a trailer park on my half when the time comes.....

---

Or a hog farm?

Railroads are very proactive about limiting crossings. Especially private crossings. It's a safety/liability thing.

And they think they own the world and their **** don't stink. They don't. It does. They have more and better attorneys.

I could put better notes together when I am not at work but a few bullet points

1. Wife's mother passed away unexpectedly at age 66. Father in law was 5 years older when she died so early 70s.

2. Never saw a will - only that we had heard that if anyone passed mil or fill then the assets would goto the surviving spouse and then my wifeonly child gets it all one day.

3. Unbeknownst to us the Will was actually set up in a life estate so the real estate (largest part of the asset base in estate) could not be sold.

4. FIL sold one of rental houses and we got a call from a title company asking where my wife wanted her part of the proceeds to go. Naive as we were to the situation we said thats FIL money. Title company asked r u willing to sign something saying so? Wife of course did.

5. Other rental house sold with no call from title company. We were expecting that call and never received it. Just enough curiosity for wife to get a copy of will and realized she was named in it with special bequeath on the properties.

6. FIL as executor of MIL estate made an executors deed and deeded all properties into his name.

7. There are bunch of layers to this that I am leaving out. We knew FIL was starting with some dementia and needed our help but did not want to lose control of finances etc etc.

8. So FIL was a crook or not well or both. But he had to get help with the executors deed. He would not know how to do that.

9. Wife tried the easy way to become FIL guardian and try to finesse the situation with out a family dispute.

10. FIL did not like this idea and lawyered up.

11. After 150k in lawyer fees from estate, 2 family settlements and 2 arbitrations, a professional guardian in place, and FIL in memory care, and a wife with a broken heart. It is ugly.

This is just cliff notes version.

Oh my that is awful. I am so sorry.

Estates and divorces are a zero sum game and you only get one shot at either. Never fails that someone pulls out the claws in the process.

Friend had a unmarried and no kids uncle with an abrupt death. He was named executor. Within a week of burying him the cousins were raising his home taking valuables. He had to go and get the sheriff and get the locks changed.

SteveBott said:

---

Estates and divorces are a zero sum game and you only get one shot at either. Never fails that someone pulls out the claws in the process.

Friend had a unmarried and no kids uncle with an abrupt death. He was named executor. Within a week of burying him the cousins were raising his home taking valuables. He had to go and get the sheriff and get the locks changed.

---

When my FIL passed 30+ years ago, his house had been emptied by the time we drove there the next morning.

Hi y'all. Nothing much of any significance to report. They have officially retired & are living in their RV. Their house hasn't been started yet due to materials & labor backlogs. Needless to say, everyone is miserable. Our nephew is hanging in there health wise and stays with his grandparents a lot which is really the only positive about this whole thing. BIL doesn't speak to my parents - in a way that's positive, too, but Mom really really hates it. Sister mooches meals & kitchen space. They say their house will be started in 5 slabs - they are 6 on the list, so I figure things will be testy for awhile between them, the parents & even between each other living in their crappy little rv. No one is happy & they continue to intrude on the parents. It's hard not to say I told you so, but they know.....

You hate to see it. Everyone knows people like this, they choose to be willfully ignorant of the pain their selfish behavior causes and blame everyone else when **** goes sideways. I look forward to updates of you BIl and builder getting into it

Do your folks ever come stay with y'all? Might be nice to offer them the chance to get away with y'all for a week or so. The important thing IMO is to preserve the relationship with the parents and that probably means helping them get a break from a painfully bad decision and probably some real disappointment in your sister. Hell maybe even a vacation with them if they'd do it, but I feel for your parents

They should change the locks on their house.

Be interesting to see what some new covert security cameras might find when installed by a helpful son. My guess based on your description and them "poking around" while they are gone is that they are borrowing many things without telling your folks. Known by normal people as stealing but when they are caught selling the family heirlooms on fleabay they of course we're only borrowing. Or maybe they are rifling through paper work to find a will to make sure they are getting their "fair share" The poking around would have me real concerned, they should move a physical copy of the will to an offsite lockbox

Quote:

---

The poking around would have me real concerned, they should move a physical copy of the will to an offsite lockbox

---

Sorry for the late reply - I missed it popping back up.

This us what concerns us most - papers. There are not enough valuables in the house to be concerned about - just a few keepsakes that would be important. There is a copy of their will in their safe deposit box. I am executor.

As for updates, not much going on but things are getting pretty testy & the house isn't even built yet. They've been living in their tiny RV with a porta potty for months waiting. They don't go over to the parents much - except to borrow stuff & use the grills to cook. BIL rarely talks. Dad has had to call a couple of "family meetings" over some pretty trivial stuff & there have been some tears. Mom says she tries to stay out of it.

Parents came here for my birthday & they both said that they made a mistake. Things are much more difficult for them & their days much less enjoyable. For the first time ever Dad talked about selling it - he never will - but it shows how frustrated he must feel.

It's our year for Christmas there - should be interesting.

Sorry to hear but you predicted this 5 years ago. At this point just make the parents as happy as you can. Not much else to do.

Here's a little update -

Dad was doing some clean up as he always does with a controlled burn (no burn ban in place, so he was good). It did get a little crazy for a bit catching a pile of fence posts on fire. All the while he was managing it by creating firebreaks with the tractor as he's always done. No danger of it reaching any structures but their new "neighbors" were extremely upset about the smoke. Extremely. They *****ed, moaned & cried about it, went to a hotel to make their point and actually called the VFD Fire Chief to come put it out, against Dad's wishes. I think they were hoping he'd get fined or something. Chief came out & said fire breaks were perfect, it was under control & contained. Dad is restacking, etc. to manage it. Mind you, he has been on this property for 60+ years and knows what he's doing.

They called us for support & I finally gave them an earful. They can't control what Dad does on his property as long as its lawful. Period.

I haven't talked to Dad yet about it, but I know he's fuming. I know he apologized to them but also told them it will just have to burn out. They will not let it go - days later they are still saying it's smoky, they can't go outside, it's ugly, etc. I did talk to Mom & they've been calling her complaining which is unfair. They are still going over there to use things but *****y when they do. Mom said she is "over it" and not going to take any more of their crap - but we'll see how that goes.

This conflict is the worst yet - the "neighbors" have had crying fits before but now they are "making a stand". Gonna make the holidays fun...

I'm kind of shocked your sister has the audacity to come to you for support in this situation.

Okay, maybe not that shocked.

Also not surprised at all to find out the people who begged for a favor in the first place are now deciding to "make a stand". Sorry the last 5 years have gone down the path everyone here feared for you and your family, rather than turning out well for all.

Quote:

---

Didn't you make it pretty clear to all parties that this was not a good idea and you disagreed with it?

---

Could not have been clearer. Both now sort of admit it. Dad said it was in his top 5 of bad decisions - I don't even want to know what the other 4 are.

I told "the neighbors" (as we refer to them now) that not only did we predict this, but they can't have it both ways: they got a below market rate on the land & can use everything that Mom & Dad have so they can either shut up OR revert to full on normal neighbor status - no borrowing tools, farm equipment, the kitchen, the washer/dryer, the BBQ pits, etc. Stay in their tiny RV with a porta potty outside and stay out of their neighbor's business like everyone else on the planet does. SILENCE from them on their speaker phone. I don't think they will be calling us any time soon - it was pretty obvious I'd had it with them.

As far as the parents go, I know they need a place to vent, so it's hard for me to cut them off when they get going because - no matter the root cause - they are hurting.

Hi Aggie Rick & Happy New Year to you!

Not too much to report. They have finally started their actual build. We have to suffer thru texts & pics of every new development - like we care. We shut them up by replying with something we are doing and then get silence because they don't care & hate when the focus shifts from them. It's fun. I think it's because they have somehow alienated all of their other friends (not sure they have ever really had close friends to socialize with) & the neighbors down the road and have no one else to "brag" to. I don't know how they ever thought their complaining about Mom & Dad to neighbors was going to fly and not get back to them.

The new house plans are wacky but the few times we've tried to tell them to re-think something they don't want to hear it, so we stopped. Nobody gets along with them. They are having lots of conflicts with contractors & their subs. They wanted the rough in plumber to do something different & he quit. Keep in mind that they have NEVER built a house, but suddenly they are experts. They showed him though with the standard "you'll never work in this town again!" retort.

It was was our year to go for Christmas, but Mrs. Schwack had - what in the old days would have been called a cold - so we didn't go. Parents had Christmas dinner at a friends house instead of having "the neighbors" over. Those long time friends saw the same potential issues we did early on and don't get along with them either. Overall, I guess the Parents are trying to be cordial but definitely do not hang out with them. Our nephew spends a lot of time at their house & for that they are grateful. His health is steady right now & that's a good thing.

I guess we'll go soon. Can't wait for the grand tour......

Just found this thread and pretty interesting to read through the timeline.

My mom passed away a couple years ago. But her and my dad told me and my siblings, 4 of us, that things will be done in a way in which nobody can fight over inheritance, whether it's property or heirlooms. Pretty sure everything will be sold and any money left from their estate will be split. But honestly don't know for sure. It's all their property, never found it my business to ask what they were doing with it.

We all get along really well, so never really understood it but also didn't really hate the decision, less we have to deal with when burying a parent the better, I know this from my mom's funeral. But the older I get the more I see why....