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Here's one to stew on: family land/inheritance

136,074 Views | 393 Replies | Last: 1 mo ago by schwack schwack
BoerneGator
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In reply to schwack schwack • 1:34a, 1/7/22
AG
Spent the last 3-4 hours reading this entire thread… it was an interesting saga…still unfolding.

I found it interesting that the OP, despite repeated advice to seek legal advice/counsel to assist him to potentially manage or to be able to offer advice and/or solutions to his parents to avoid pitfalls, never took that sage advice. Regrets?

It's still not too late. Might be money well spent.

And Farmer in JohnsonCityTexas!!! What a hoot you are! Wanna have a drink with you someday. You need to write a book (assuming you haven't already, which I shouldn't!)


A wise man once said, if you want to find out the true character of a man, share an inheritance with him…
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Keeper of The Spirits
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In reply to BoerneGator • 1:36p, 1/7/22
AG
Ultimately he preserved his relationship with his folks which I think was always his goal. Had he retained counsel or forced the issue he may or may not have preserved those relationships and the outcome might not be the same
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schwack schwack
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2:24p, 1/7/22
AG
I do appreciate the advice but none of this is worth coming between me & my parents. Going to an attorney would be no different than them calling the fire department behind their back - they are private people and are still very capable of & do handle their own business.

It's really not about me & what I get in the end. Our concern has always been that my parents will now be hamstrung by selling off a piece with the shared road access, etc. should they ever need to sell it. Anyone that would want to live out there would not want a neighbor that close. That and the issues that we knew would come up between the personalities involved. I hate that they are not enjoying the quiet day to day that they've had for years, but ..... we were painfully honest with them - almost too much so, but it was important. They went heart over mind and are now sadly paying the price but trying to make the best of it. They don't need problems with us, too.
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BoerneGator
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In reply to schwack schwack • 4:21p, 1/7/22
AG
Don't misunderstand my post nor my own beliefs. I admire your loyalty and devotion to your parents, as well as your lack of a sense of entitlement (not shared by your sister). But arming yourself with knowledge, as well as possible legal remedies you could have suggested to your parents might have solved some of these impending situations they couldn't avoid with a conniving child. Attorneys have been solving these kinds of "squabbles" forever, so why not avail yourself to that wisdom when those concerned sorely need it?

Your parents are far from helpless to make their situation better, if they so desire. You've been given excellent advice along the way. It's just curious you've ignored it repeatedly…

I wish you well!
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_lefraud_
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In reply to schwack schwack • 4:29p, 1/7/22
AG
Have you thought anymore to what you will do with your piece of the property once that happens?

- dump / landfill
- dairy farm
- rv / boat storage
- animal shelter
- worlds largest frozen pile of ****

possibilities are endless
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schwack schwack
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In reply to BoerneGator • 4:56p, 1/7/22
AG
Quote:
It's just curious you've ignored it repeatedly…

I get your point, but I wouldn't say I've ignored it - just chosen not to act on their behalf. It's my way of supporting them since they know attorneys & could have/can still seek their advice if they choose to, but that is not their way, so it won't happen.

Family stuff is complicated. Thank you for weighing in - I do appreciate it.
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schwack schwack
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In reply to _lefraud_ • 4:58p, 1/7/22
AG
Quote:
possibilities are endless
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harrierdoc
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In reply to _lefraud_ • 5:08p, 1/7/22
AG
_lefraud_ said:
Have you thought anymore to what you will do with your piece of the property once that happens?

- dump / landfill
- dairy farm
- rv / boat storage
- animal shelter
- worlds largest frozen pile of ****

possibilities are endless


The heck with a dairy farm, go with a hog farm. Farrowing to finish…. It would be fun in summer.
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BoerneGator
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In reply to schwack schwack • 5:13p, 1/7/22
AG
Quote:
Family stuff is complicated.
As someone who is probably your parents age, the youngest of four siblings, and only survivor, I know this all to well. And dealing with it, even with the aid of an attorney, will leave it's marks!
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harrierdoc
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In reply to schwack schwack • 8:02a, 5/14/22
AG
I see on another thread that your father has died.

First, of course, I'm sorry for your family's loss.

How has your mother adapted with the change, and has your sister and her husband stepped up to help?
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schwack schwack
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In reply to harrierdoc • 9:53a, 5/15/22
AG
Hi Doc - I guess Mr. Schwack & I are going to have to get separate accounts! Sorry for the confusion, but this thread is about his family - both parents still living. The Mr. just doesn't spend much time on here - or on the internet period - so we share. My Dad passed in 2012 - right before the amazing win at Alabama - we spent football weekends in ICU where they let us have a little TV. For all of Johnny Manziel's issues, I will be forever grateful to him for making my Dad have Saturdays to look forward to that season!

Thank you so much for reaching out.

Mrs. Schwack
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tamuangry
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In reply to schwack schwack • 3:37p, 6/30/22
schwack schwack said:
Hi Aggie Rick & Happy New Year to you!

Not too much to report. They have finally started their actual build. We have to suffer thru texts & pics of every new development - like we care. We shut them up by replying with something we are doing and then get silence because they don't care & hate when the focus shifts from them. It's fun. I think it's because they have somehow alienated all of their other friends (not sure they have ever really had close friends to socialize with) & the neighbors down the road and have no one else to "brag" to. I don't know how they ever thought their complaining about Mom & Dad to neighbors was going to fly and not get back to them.

The new house plans are wacky but the few times we've tried to tell them to re-think something they don't want to hear it, so we stopped. Nobody gets along with them. They are having lots of conflicts with contractors & their subs. They wanted the rough in plumber to do something different & he quit. Keep in mind that they have NEVER built a house, but suddenly they are experts. They showed him though with the standard "you'll never work in this town again!" retort.

It was was our year to go for Christmas, but Mrs. Schwack had - what in the old days would have been called a cold - so we didn't go. Parents had Christmas dinner at a friends house instead of having "the neighbors" over. Those long time friends saw the same potential issues we did early on and don't get along with them either. Overall, I guess the Parents are trying to be cordial but definitely do not hang out with them. Our nephew spends a lot of time at their house & for that they are grateful. His health is steady right now & that's a good thing.

I guess we'll go soon. Can't wait for the grand tour......


Did you go for the grand tour?
Is the house built?
Has Netflix contacted you yet about making a tv show about this family drama?
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schwack schwack
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In reply to tamuangry • 8:02a, 7/1/22
AG
Quote:
Did you go for the grand tour?
Is the house built?
Has Netflix contacted you yet about making a tv show about this family drama?

Actually we just went a couple weeks ago for Father's Day & they had been in about a week. They succeeded in pissing off their last contractor: the trim guy. They fired him before he was able to put in the final staircase & railing. And of course they couldn't get another one because every single other one in town was "too busy" - but we know the real reason. LOL.

Hate the house, but they LOVE it. It's a Satterwhite log home with an extremely open concept - their bedroom is in the open living area. Yep. Wide open. Their 14 year old son has a bedroom & his own bathroom upstairs, but it's loft like & open to the downstairs. Believe it or not, we had to talk them into a pocket door so there would be some privacy - for both. I mean how could he ever have friends over if you could look down into his parents bedroom?!? Makes no sense. They did a "stain your own" concrete floor downstairs and it's pretty obviously not a professional job. They also went with some DIY pintrest kind of rustic finishes and - not my style of level of finish,but to each their own.

Haven't seen it, but they just put up a big, bright white metal carport thing that Mom says stands out like a sore thumb, and, get this, they enclosed the side that faces my parents so they can't see when they are home. Ugly AND rude.

Father's Day meal at parents was stressed. BIL did not speak one word at the table. Came late, left early. Parents trying to make the best of it since it's a done deal, but I know they regret it. Mom does watch every move they make, so I'm sure it's annoying to them, too. They still use all the farm equipment of Dad's & were complaining about the cost of diesel but at least Dad makes them pay it.

I guess this might end the post unless the "feud" ramps up or until we have to settle the estate eventually. That's gonna be a doozy, as Mom would say. Thanks to all for checking in & the much appreciated advice over the years. Family dealings sure can turn into a mess. Even when least expected.

Gig 'em!

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Aggie Rick
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10:55p, 12/28/22
AG
Semi-annual (post holidays) check in…
@Aggie_Rick
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Mmetag10
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In reply to Aggie Rick • 1:22p, 12/29/22
AG
Was just thinking about this thread the other day and wondering how it was going as well.
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SteveBott
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4:32p, 12/29/22
AG
Posting for the update
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schwack schwack
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5:35p, 12/29/22
AG
Hey, y'all. Hope you had Merry Christmases!

The Schwacks have to alternate families on holidays - we weren't there this Christmas, but were there for Thanksgiving. Things are Ok there - BIL still doesn't really speak to anyone & hardly eats anything at the table. It's weird & uncomfortable, but we just ignore him. He does chime in when he feels he's the expert on any topic & he usually just proves his stupidity.

My parents health is still relatively good considering their age but they get no help or transport to Doctor appointments, etc. when something is up. To show how petty the "new neighbors" are: my parents have several chickens & were "trading" eggs for honey from my sister's hives but now they are building their own coop so they don't have to do that. Really stupid, but it's obvious that they want to have as little to do with my parents as possible. That said, I KNOW that my Mom watches their every move & that would drive me crazy, too. So I understand the friction that builds up, then they have some spats that clear the air, but it's so unpleasant. Dad is happy to have the farm diesel paid for (ha!) and mostly stays out of it. I am the executor of their wills and they have brought it up several times lately. They are making lists of "valuables" & their calibers + other stuff (and where it's all hidden) should something happen & they get in the house before we can get there. At least we'll know what they & his side took.

Our nephew spends a lot less time with them & they hate that, but I think he hears his parents talking and is starting to align more with their opinions of his grandparents. That's pretty unavoidable, I guess.

So, to wrap up 2022, uncomfortable but relatively peaceful. Here's to an uneventful 2023 & Happy New Year to us all!







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combat wombat™
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In reply to schwack schwack • 7:50p, 12/29/22
AG
Since your sister and her husband are unhelpful, I would recommend that your parents have ALL of the locks on their property re-keyed so that your sister and her husband do not have access.

They could have a locksmith put in a combination lock. Your parents can have a code just for your sister and BIL that they can provide to them on an as-needed basis (and change it immediately after it is used). That way, your parents control when they access their property AND it keeps them out of the property after your parent(s) pass away. If it is a smart lock and you have remote access, then they could just have a code... and you could immediately shut them out upon your parent(s) passing. They could always break in, but that's a different matter.
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schwack schwack
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In reply to combat wombat™ • 7:57a, 12/30/22
AG
Quote:
parents have ALL of the locks on their property re-keyed so that your sister and her husband do not have access.
I like it - BUT - that would be the nuclear option & will never happen. They can't say "no" - which is what has led to this whole debacle & why they would never do that to my sister. They are trying to make things better in their co-existing world. That step would break their hearts & even ours to a certain degree.

Really, the stuff doesn't mean much to me. I just want them to live out their days in relative peace with their family & making the best of an admittedly poor decision. We go less than we ought to to avoid the issues, but we always try to appear civil when we do. I know Mom wishes we all got along better, but we try to make it look as normal as possible for them. There's no reason to remind them of the bad decision they made - they feel bad enough about it as it is.






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1939
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In reply to schwack schwack • 9:25a, 12/30/22
AG
Isn't your nephew about 16 now, maybe he's spending more time with friends than Grams and Gramps? I know its not what your parents want but he is a teenager.
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schwack schwack
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In reply to 1939 • 11:05a, 12/30/22
AG
I know that would be the normal case, but our nephew is terminally ill. He was born with serious heart issues and has had several open heart surgeries, but there is no longer anything that can be done. He's always been very soft spoken and loved to go next door. We are chalking a lot of it up to his health, for sure, but he's rarely even very civil to them - like his Dad, unfortunately.

No one makes a big deal out of it, no one wants to guilt him into anything. He knows the door is always open - literally - he tolerates us pretty well & we have several inside, long running jokes between us that he still enjoys.

On another note, back before the last presidential election he had a Make A Wish request. It started with his request for a phone call with the President (would not have mattered who it was - not political) Donald J. Trump called him & was so kind - and believe me, our nephew is not easy to talk to. On the call Mr. Trump invited him to the White House if/when he felt up to it. Well..... they went in Nov '20 and it was amazing - he got all kinds of tours in the building while Christmas decorations were going up, hung with the secret service guys & got some serious time in the Oval Office with Trump! This during the lead up to the election, so there were lots of people in & out. He left with a ton of souvenirs & they followed up with a ton of pictures, too. AND our family is not an influential family - no favors, no nothing and he could not have been more personable or nicer.
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redaszag99
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8:15p, 12/30/22
Trump
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Keeper of The Spirits
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8:45p, 1/6/23
AG
Does it ever feel crazy that your parents raised both of you and you turned out so different
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Mmetag10
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In reply to Keeper of The Spirits • 10:53p, 1/6/23
AG
I think it's more common than you'd think. My siblings and i have zero in common in how we turned out at all.
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schwack schwack
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In reply to Keeper of The Spirits • 8:06a, 1/7/23
AG
Quote:
Does it ever feel crazy that your parents raised both of you and you turned out so different

It is weird!
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Keeper of The Spirits
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8:14p, 1/8/23
AG
It's the same in my family 6 sibilings aged 48 to 22 (a few half siblings in there) and all ended up being wildly different people
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tamuangry
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1:31p, 5/16/23
Any updates?
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schwack schwack
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In reply to tamuangry • 6:50a, 5/17/23
AG
Quote:
Any updates?

Not really. They all tend to keep to themselves unless they need to borrow some of Dad's tools or farm equipment.

Sister upset at an increase in the tax value of their lot. Here's how stupid they are: their newly constructed house isn't even "discovered" yet, but they think they are going to protest. They have some AG on it for bees - so we're not talking much tax! Y'all, it's a really minimal tax increase compared to some of ours - but they don't listen. I kinda hope they do it & get hit for the house. Is that wrong?!?!?
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CS78
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In reply to schwack schwack • 7:53a, 5/17/23
schwack schwack said:
Quote:
Any updates?

Not really. They all tend to keep to themselves unless they need to borrow some of Dad's tools or farm equipment.

Sister upset at an increase in the tax value of their lot. Here's how stupid they are: their newly constructed house isn't even "discovered" yet, but they think they are going to protest. They have some AG on it for bees - so we're not talking much tax! Y'all, it's a really minimal tax increase compared to some of ours - but they don't listen. I kinda hope they do it & get hit for the house. Is that wrong?!?!?


I can tell you from experience, you don't protest a property unless you're ready to have it dug into.

They often "mark them for review" and someone will physically visit the property before next year.
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schwack schwack
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In reply to CS78 • 8:38a, 5/17/23
AG
Right?!?! Their mailing address is a property with no improvements? The county will figure it out at some point - with or without them going in - but then they risk it being pro-rated back to built date,don't they?
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schwack schwack
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In reply to CS78 • 8:41a, 5/17/23
AG
Quote:
I can tell you from experience,

Yeah. Been there. A couple years ago, we protested a 4-plex based on the value of other 4-plex units in town & they said, let us look at it and get back to you. A week later we got a revised sheet - they raised it.
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CS78
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In reply to schwack schwack • 9:33p, 5/17/23
schwack schwack said:
Right?!?! Their mailing address is a property with no improvements? The county will figure it out at some point - with or without them going in - but then they risk it being pro-rated back to built date,don't they?


So far, I haven't had that happen but I think they can. Like a lot of prop tax stuff, probably depends on the county.
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DannyDuberstein
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10:31p, 5/17/23
AG
I thought this was gonna be no update but it turned into a great one. Now interested to see if/when this blows up in their face
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harrierdoc
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10:55p, 5/17/23
AG
I think it would be appropriate and morally proper to let the county taxing authority in on the improvements and the date built. Otherwise, everyone in the county is subsidizing their lifestyle.
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MS08
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In reply to schwack schwack • 11:53p, 5/17/23
AG
schwack schwack said:
Right?!?! Their mailing address is a property with no improvements? The county will figure it out at some point - with or without them going in - but then they risk it being pro-rated back to built date,don't they?


This nugget leaves us wanting for more, hah! I don't think they can retroactively collect property taxes as those are based on what the assessed value is. But, looks like they may end up biting their nose off to spite their face. We will stay tuned!
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