infinity ag said:
BrazosDog02 said:
As for gender roles...they didn't make themselves up. My wife is not going to be effective at slinging 150 bails of hay in July any more than I am going to be effective at dealing with problems children have or handling finances. It's the roles we fell into based on our strengths and we compliment each other. I like to eat, she likes to cook, it works. She likes to save money, and I like to work on vehicles, so I will save 7,000 by doing my own mechanics. It's just how we do things and it works well.
Question about finances. Is it a gender defined role and is it assigned to women? I manage all the finances and investments of my family and I do a very good job. All self-learned. My wife doesn't like to manage it though she enjoys spending it! She sometimes has be grumbling that something was too expensive. Most of my friends do the finances of their families including investment decisions, paying bills etc. Only one of my friends has his wife do it, I think she has some finance degree and he doesn't care to do it either.
My wife has the responsibility of the cooking of the house and she has a fantastic job. Home-cooks healthy food. We get most grocery from Whole Foods which is expensive and it's on me to figure out how we pay for it. We have been doctor-free for decades so maybe it paid for itself. I cook rarely so I cannot claim any credit. I do all the house repairs and making show the cars are in good shape (I am no mechanic, I wish I was, and wish I could learn from somewhere).
I definitely believe in gender roles with some roles being gray area. A house where the woman is responsible for the income and the husband takes care of the kids strikes me as unbalanced.
I think where people get into trouble is when they start to say "only women should do x and only men should do y" in a marriage. I like to cook and go to the grocery store for instances. I'm better and faster at it than my wife so I do it most of the time and it works out better for both of us. My wife also makes a bit more money than I do currently but she stayed home with the kids when they were young. She's just a very smart woman and great at what she does, her financial contribution also helps to do more things than if she didn't work and she's happy.
Been married 30 years and during that time there have been points where I did all of one thing or she did or we shared responsibilities. It's about partnership and communication and supporting one another. Still as a general rule the more women are able to embrace femininity and men are able to embrace masculinity the more likely they are to be happy together. It's just figuring out the right balance and being sometimes that means changes. We are new empty nesters so that's our newest change.
Men generally want 3 things from a wife. Respect, intimacy, and peace. If a woman can provide those 3 things a man will do just about anything to protect her. Women are much more complicated and nuanced.
I will say that social media has really screwed up a lot of women, especially in combination with the messaging around feminism that has pushed women to pursue masculine goals only to find they don't bring them happiness. The biggest problem for both sexes though is they have become far more inwardly focused. True love is about being willing to put your spouses needs in front of your own while your spouse feels the same way. It's so rare to find someone you can trust at that level. It's also about accepting each others imperfections and being patient. The problem is that most of the messaging that people have, especially to women, is to look at relationships more in terms of what that person can do for you without being concerned about the flipside of that coin. Marriage is about serving each other and sacrifice.
I really am amazed at how few young women seem interested in learning skills to be a good wife and mother. How to cook and clean. How to care for children. How to be soft and feminine and lead with love. Aspiring to act like a lady and care about modesty. In the end they are only keeping themselves from happiness.
You could make the same argument about men of course too. Learning how to fix things and be physically and emotionally strong. Learning how to be a gentleman. Creating value for yourself and taking responsibility.
"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help."
Ronald Reagan
