schmellba99 said:

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CrackerJackAg said:

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schmellba99 said:

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CrackerJackAg said:

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David_Puddy said:

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CrackerJackAg said:

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infinity ag said:

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Mega Lops said:

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jeremy said:

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If they try to withhold sex, something is terribly wrong.

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true story. I couldn't help overhear two women chatting it up at an informal get together one time. One was completely serious about withholding the 'nanny unless her husband didn't do what she wanted when she wanted. She boasted about leaving the house and going to a hotel to wait it out until whatever whim was appeased.

And just so we're clear:

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At some point the husband gets sick of the games and takes on a side-chick. Then the wife goes crying to her friends and posts on social media about how men are dogs and where have all the good men gone.

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Your post seems like you are very angry and hurt. I'm sorry you've been hurt.

Most dudes aren't good looking enough or rich enough to have a side chick.

Many will cheat (probably get caught/told on when it goes sideways). Having a side chick you can afford is called a mistress.

Your wife can EASILY **** around on you all day with better looking guys and no body is saying a word.

If you are a good husband you are equally worried about whether your wife is sick of your games too.

I'm sorry someone hurt you.

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You think that a dude has to be rich or good looking to have a side chick? Did you never see an episode of Cheaters back in the day? Some absolute creatures on that show (both male and female) were out having side conquests. Also when someone is cheating, the person they're cheating with is usually a lot less attractive than their husband or wife.

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That's not a side chick. That's easy. No limit to one and dones out there.

The guy said a side chick when he gets tired of the old girl at home. Implying the chick he hangs with when the wife grates in him. Steady kind of thing.

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While I generally disagree with infinity on most things, he said nothing in his initial statement that wasn't true.

You are literally arguing over semantics because you think the definition of "side chick" is X while the resto fthe world understands it is a current catch all term for "chick that is not the wife that the husband is banging because his wife won't throw him the dirty leg anymore".

Mistress, side chick, side piece.....whatever. All the same thing.

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I get that. I was just clarifying and actually attempting to say I agree more than disagree.

You know…quick written word. Internet forum and lack of context and all.

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You did a really shtty job at conveying that point.

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Lots of touchy people on this thread. Wonder why that is?

My wife and I don't have written "rules", but we practice most of what she said and it's worked for almost 25 years.

She's pretty much been a stay at home mom since we had kids and that's been great. There were many years when I wasn't making much and we had a ridiculously strict budget but we stuck to it. I eventually started making the $ and the work/life balance really paid off for our marriage, even more so now that we have disposable income!

I'm also a BIG believer in "no opposite gender friends". We do not have any 1-on-1 "interactive events" with opposite gender. I'm not saying that I've never been alone or had a meeting with another women, it's not that strict... but we do not engage in prolonged 1-on-1 lunches, coffee breaks, church functions, work trips, school functions, etc. Like the lady said, if it's somebody that would date your spouse if they were single, it's a big nope! Boundaries!


And lastly, I don't think she was saying her husband can't go to a bar with his friends to watch a game. She was saying that he doesn't need to be doing any activity outside of the home that resembles a single man. Going to a bar without your wife to watch a game with friends... OK. Going to a bar without your wife to "mingle"... not OK.

jr15aggie said:

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My wife and I don't have written "rules", but we practice most of what she said and it's worked for almost 25 years.

She's pretty much been a stay at home mom since we had kids and that's been great. There were many years when I wasn't making much and we had a ridiculously strict budget but we stuck to it. I eventually started making the $ and the work/life balance really paid off for our marriage.

I'm also a BIG believer in "no opposite gender friends". We do not have any 1-on-1 "interactive events" with opposite gender. I'm not saying that I've never been alone or had a meeting with another women, it's not that strict... but we do not engage in prolonged 1-on-1 lunches, coffee breaks, church functions, work trips, school functions, etc. Like the lady said, if it's somebody that would date your spouse if they were single, it's a big nope! Boundaries!


And lastly, I don't think she was saying her husband can't go to a bar with his friends to watch a game. She was saying that he doesn't need to be doing any activity outside of the home that resembles a single man. Going to a bar without your wife to watch a game with friends... OK. Going to a bar without your wife to "mingle"... not OK.

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Anyone who would put themselves in that position and then defend it to their spouse is not fully invested and into their marriage.

You are spot on.

If my wife is out with her female friends and gets hit on I don't give a **** and it happens all the time. She doesn't give a crap about any one else.

She also has no concern about me going out with my male friends. I am obsessed with my wife and don't care about any one else.

We would never go hang with someone of the opposite sex. It's an obvious situation and indefensible.

Look, I gotta go.

To all the people upset talking about respecting your spouse and being a good husband I'm sorry.

I reflected on it and went to chat with Grok about it to try and better understand.

Apparently if you have been *******ed (khu-cold-id for those curious how to say it. Not bypassing a filter here) and humiliated by a woman it may cause you to lash out at people whom are happy in their relationships.

Apparently the strong reactions can be a way for a man who's been in that situation to try and regain some dignity and their self respect and voice.

This isn't a "reality" I was aware of and I feel awful for you.

If this isn't you then I'm not talking about you. It's not personal to anyone in this site.

If it is you then feel free to comment. I'll pray for you. Stay strong you will get through it.

Well, I can't speak for the younger generations of men but as a Gen X dude I can tell you that after about age 13 the only reason I wanted to spend time with a female (non family) was because I wanted to have sex with her.

I had female friends in high school and college and for the most part, yeah, I wanted to have sex with them.

No female friends since I met my wife in 1997. Oh well.

Urban Ag said:

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Well, I can't speak for the younger generations of men but as a Gen X dude I can tell you that after about age 13 the only reason I wanted to spend time with a female (non family) was because I wanted to have sex with her.

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Hah... yeah pretty much!

My wife worked with a guy during our college years (we were engaged at the time)... he was a good Christian dude and I liked him, but my soon to be wife was a beautiful young Christian woman. It was painfully obvious she was everything he wanted in a woman and he 100% wanted to bang her.

He took her out to dinner one night as a work "thank you" or something... yeah I put a stop to that crap real quick! It wasn't a jealous rage or anything, I just calmly explained to her how things were. She was like "ohhh!!!"... she was clueless how men thought.

So yeah, we started establishing those boundaries before we were even married.

jr15aggie said:

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Urban Ag said:

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Well, I can't speak for the younger generations of men but as a Gen X dude I can tell you that after about age 13 the only reason I wanted to spend time with a female (non family) was because I wanted to have sex with her.

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Hah... yeah pretty much!

My wife worked with a guy during our college years (we were engaged at the time)... he was a good Christian dude and I liked him, but my soon to be wife was a beautiful young Christian woman. It was painfully obvious she was everything he wanted in a woman and he 100% wanted to bang her.

He took her out to dinner one night as a work "thank you" or something... yeah I put a stop to that crap real quick! It wasn't a jealous rage or anything, I just calmly explained to her how things were. She was like "ohhh!!!"... she was clueless how men thought.

So yeah, we started establishing those boundaries before we were even married.

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Yeah, a gentle loving explanation for the soon to be wife and she can make a decision as to how she wants to proceed and whether she wants to be in a relationship. Probable ass whooping for that dude. Nope… it's a 100% ass whipping for that dude.

About to hit 24 years and never wanted a side chick.

I don't understand what the big deal is about opposite sex friends. I usually work late so my wife ends up having dinner with opposite sex friends at least 3 times a week.

Ryan the Temp said:

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About to hit 24 years and never wanted a side chick.

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Lol.

Rubicante said:

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I don't understand what the big deal is about opposite sex friends. I usually work late so my wife ends up having dinner with opposite sex friends at least 3 times a week.

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I know.

I agree with pretty much everything she says. We also have a traditional marriage. I guess I just assumed most people did because all of the folks we associate with have similar.

We have access to each other's accounts, emails, phones, social media, etc. We don't ever really 'check' anything because, we don't need to. She works because she wants to and runs our business and home. In return, there isn't a planet in the universe where I would find it OK to 'hang out' with a female what was not my wife or while she was not present. Ever. We don't separate bank accounts.

As for gender roles...they didn't make themselves up. My wife is not going to be effective at slinging 150 bails of hay in July any more than I am going to be effective at dealing with problems children have or handling finances. It's the roles we fell into based on our strengths and we compliment each other. I like to eat, she likes to cook, it works. She likes to save money, and I like to work on vehicles, so I will save 7,000 by doing my own mechanics. It's just how we do things and it works well.

We teach our children to choose spouses accordingly. If you want to keep owning horses, shooting guns, and doing whatever the f--- you want on you land, you better not marry a weenie from the city. Find someone that has your interests, your life goals, land, money, whatever it is that is required for a good relationship and a good life. If you have to 'explain' expectations to a prospective date/spouse/etc, then you are already behind the curve. There should never be a situation where a date or fiancee needs explaining as to why she shouldn't have lunch with another male and I don't care what the circumstance is.

I also do NOT agree with "He get's the last say". That's stupid. I don't like that at all. I don't want or need a pushover female. I need someone that has an opinion and a say in how we run things.

Ryan the Temp said:

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About to hit 24 years and never wanted a side chick.

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Gay dudes have the lowest rate of divorce... I am not sure if we should listen to you though, it seems pretty easy to stay married until the woman gets involved.

David_Puddy said:

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I like most of it but a big L-O-f'ing-L at her rule 6. So she doesn't let her husband go meet one of his buddies at a bar to watch a college football or an NFL game without her? Yeah, no thanks. I'm not married yet, but 0 of my buddies would be married if their wife had that as one of their rules. Males and females get hit on literally everywhere - grocery store, the gym, the airport, a sporting event, etc. If you don't trust your spouse to be out at a bar watching a game with a buddy, then you shouldn't be married.

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She's right. But she isn't talking about hanging out with your friends at the bar. She is talking about 'single life' stuff. Either way, if you are going to the bar every day with your friends, or staring at eye candy, then you should remain single or cease the behavior and be respectful of the woman you married. It's pretty easy and clear cut to me and anyone that is married in a healthy relationship knows exactly what she was saying.

Rubicante said:

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I don't understand what the big deal is about opposite sex friends. I usually work late so my wife ends up having dinner with opposite sex friends at least 3 times a week.

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The opposite sex friends are either gay or they want to **** your wife.

Urban Ag said:

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Rubicante said:

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I don't understand what the big deal is about opposite sex friends. I usually work late so my wife ends up having dinner with opposite sex friends at least 3 times a week.

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The opposite sex friends are either gay or they want to **** your wife.

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X1000

Urban Ag said:

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Rubicante said:

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I don't understand what the big deal is about opposite sex friends. I usually work late so my wife ends up having dinner with opposite sex friends at least 3 times a week.

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The opposite sex friends are either gay or they want to **** your wife.

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I don't know why this is so hard to 'get'. LOL.

That would be a problem for me. If it's not a work meeting or a Christmas party, that is completely unacceptable to me if it's my wife. It's inappropriate for a married woman to be having dinner with opposite sex any time the husband is not present (and vice versa), in my opinion. If my wife decided that my lack of presence warranted her to go hang out with dudes several times a week, I'd be having some pretty threatening conversations with said dudes and seriously re-evaluating my work schedule and how I handle my business at home.

Rubicante said:

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I don't understand what the big deal is about opposite sex friends. I usually work late so my wife ends up having dinner with opposite sex friends at least 3 times a week.

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Sometimes it isn't a big deal...until it is.

Just not optimal in most cases.

Sister in law goes clubbing with a friend of hers, and my brother in law doesn't seem to care. The friend had a beta husband who didn't care………now they're divorced and she has a high dollar new husband. I wonder why?

If you are happily married, then there won't be any desire to go clubbing or to places that are considered single places.

This doesn't seem that hard.

Urban Ag said:

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Rubicante said:

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I don't understand what the big deal is about opposite sex friends. I usually work late so my wife ends up having dinner with opposite sex friends at least 3 times a week.

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The opposite sex friends are either gay and they want to **** your wife, or they are not gay and want to **** your wife.

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FIFY

Rubicante said:

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I don't understand what the big deal is about opposite sex friends. I usually work late so my wife ends up having dinner with opposite sex friends at least 3 times a week.

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Lighting a bonfire with gasoline doesn't always wind up in an explosion with 3rd degree burns.

But, using kerosene never winds up in an explosion, and 3rd degree burns only happen when you are doing something very unnatural with kerosene.

I light my bonfires with kerosene. Naturally.

Ugh...I think setting the wife on fire is a bit extreme.

Urban Ag said:

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I had female friends in high school and college and for the most part, yeah, I wanted to have sex with them.

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That group is either called "the bench" or "the wishlist".

No married person should have either a bench or a wishlist.

Every non-married person probably should.

BrazosDog02 said:

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Ugh...I think setting the wife on fire is a bit extreme.

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Don't worry.

She's outdoorsy enough that she knows to use kerosene to light the campfire, too.

BrazosDog02 said:

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As for gender roles...they didn't make themselves up. My wife is not going to be effective at slinging 150 bails of hay in July any more than I am going to be effective at dealing with problems children have or handling finances. It's the roles we fell into based on our strengths and we compliment each other. I like to eat, she likes to cook, it works. She likes to save money, and I like to work on vehicles, so I will save 7,000 by doing my own mechanics. It's just how we do things and it works well.

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Question about finances. Is it a gender defined role and is it assigned to women? I manage all the finances and investments of my family and I do a very good job. All self-learned. My wife doesn't like to manage it though she enjoys spending it! She sometimes has be grumbling that something was too expensive. Most of my friends do the finances of their families including investment decisions, paying bills etc. Only one of my friends has his wife do it, I think she has some finance degree and he doesn't care to do it either.

My wife has the responsibility of the cooking of the house and she has a fantastic job. Home-cooks healthy food. We get most grocery from Whole Foods which is expensive and it's on me to figure out how we pay for it. We have been doctor-free for decades so maybe it paid for itself. I cook rarely so I cannot claim any credit. I do all the house repairs and making show the cars are in good shape (I am no mechanic, I wish I was, and wish I could learn from somewhere).

I definitely believe in gender roles with some roles being gray area. A house where the woman is responsible for the income and the husband takes care of the kids strikes me as unbalanced.

AgGrad99 said:

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It's amazing how that type of committed, well-defined relationship has worked for thousands of years...but it's not good enough these days.

She does a really good job of explaining the 'why' and not just preaching the 'what'.

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I disagree with her about risqu photos, but almost everything else is spot on.

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She said she doesn't post any risqu'e photos online. Curious what your disagreement is with that...

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She said, only if my husband posts them or something to that affect. Just opens the door for all kinds of crazy things, now matter who posts what.

Keep plenty of clothes on in photos and keep the racey stuff for the bedroom.

Now I need an Amish meme from Rocky to complete my post!

Urban Ag said:

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Rubicante said:

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I don't understand what the big deal is about opposite sex friends. I usually work late so my wife ends up having dinner with opposite sex friends at least 3 times a week.

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The opposite sex friends are either gay or they want to **** your wife.

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This.

On a related note, there are some men who are very very gay. As in how they talk, walk, dress and move their hands and facial expressions. Very girlish. For us straight men, it is amusing. How do women feel about such men? I am guessing no sexual tension at all (no threat that he wants to bang you). Do women even know that this guy is different? Do women feel that he is just "one of the girls"?
At A&M there was a male classmate who was like this. We used to find his behavior odd, but he was quite popular with the ladies.

At a place I worked at some years ago, there was a dude who would get super emotional when he made a suggestion and I didn't accept it for my product. He would take it so personally. That is when he would whip out the gay hand movements. I looked him up to investigate and yes, his Linkedin showed he was member of many LGBTQ groups. He was more emotional than any woman I knew.

To the guy who let's his wife hang out with other dudes 3 nights a week, they clearly want to bang her and are waiting for a chance when she fights with our friend and is "vulnerable".

jeremy said:

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AgGrad99 said:

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It's amazing how that type of committed, well-defined relationship has worked for thousands of years...but it's not good enough these days.

She does a really good job of explaining the 'why' and not just preaching the 'what'.

Quote:

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I disagree with her about risqu photos, but almost everything else is spot on.

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She said she doesn't post any risqu'e photos online. Curious what your disagreement is with that...

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She said, only if my husband posts them or something to that affect. Just opens the door for all kinds of crazy things, now matter who posts what.

Keep plenty of clothes on in photos and keep the racey stuff for the bedroom.

Now I need an Amish meme from Rocky to complete my post!

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Gotcha.

I think she was just making the point that she's never posted anything like that, and that women shouldnt. I'm sure it was to prevent someone from posting back, 'There was a picture of you in a swimsuit last summer' when her husband posted a family pic, etc.


But I agree with you.

infinity ag said:

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BrazosDog02 said:

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As for gender roles...they didn't make themselves up. My wife is not going to be effective at slinging 150 bails of hay in July any more than I am going to be effective at dealing with problems children have or handling finances. It's the roles we fell into based on our strengths and we compliment each other. I like to eat, she likes to cook, it works. She likes to save money, and I like to work on vehicles, so I will save 7,000 by doing my own mechanics. It's just how we do things and it works well.

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Question about finances. Is it a gender defined role and is it assigned to women? I manage all the finances and investments of my family and I do a very good job. All self-learned. My wife doesn't like to manage it though she enjoys spending it! She sometimes has be grumbling that something was too expensive. Most of my friends do the finances of their families including investment decisions, paying bills etc. Only one of my friends has his wife do it, I think she has some finance degree and he doesn't care to do it either.

My wife has the responsibility of the cooking of the house and she has a fantastic job. Home-cooks healthy food. We get most grocery from Whole Foods which is expensive and it's on me to figure out how we pay for it. We have been doctor-free for decades so maybe it paid for itself. I cook rarely so I cannot claim any credit. I do all the house repairs and making show the cars are in good shape (I am no mechanic, I wish I was, and wish I could learn from somewhere).

I definitely believe in gender roles with some roles being gray area. A house where the woman is responsible for the income and the husband takes care of the kids strikes me as unbalanced.

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I agree with some roles being gender defined. But, I don't think some roles like household finances are assigned or gender defined. Sometimes things need to happen and one person or the other has a natural ability or desire to take that on. My wife hates spending money. She doesn't like shopping. She doesn't need or want new clothes or boots. She just isn't wired that way. So for us, and our home/business, we are very much team players. There is no "boss". There is no "I make the final decision". We both have ideas for business, we both want our balance between life and making money....so she helps facilitate all of that.

However, there absolutely IS concession on the other person's part at times...i.e. "You are the mechanic for everything that breaks around here, so you make the decision on repair vs replace."....that kind of thing.

I'm not sure which is more pathetic - the obvious pandering tiktok account or the other account that just leeches that account's content.

And lol at infinity ag handling the finances. It literally took him 6 months and three dozen TexAgs posts to buy his wife a car.

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On a related note, there are some men who are very very gay. As in how they talk, walk, dress and move their hands and facial expressions. Very girlish. For us straight men, it is amusing. How do women feel about such men? I am guessing no sexual tension at all (no threat that he wants to bang you). Do women even know that this guy is different? Do women feel that he is just "one of the girls"?
At A&M there was a male classmate who was like this. We used to find his behavior odd, but he was quite popular with the ladies.

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There is very much a consideration of gay guys not being a threat which makes women much more comfortable. In fact, a lot of gay guys will be more "queen-y" around women than they are in normal interactions to reinforce that the women can feel more comfortable. Speaking from personal experience, there are occasional instances where I'm around a woman who is alone in a space where she might be on her guard for personal safety and I'll say something in a way that subtly hints that she doesn't have to feel threatened with me around. It's not so much being "one of the girls" as it is being someone who doesn't have a sexual ulterior motive.

Typically the same scenario where a male might start any story with "my wife and I" or just randomly show pictures of his kids.

Proposition Joe said:

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Typically the same scenario where a male might start any story with "my wife and I" or just randomly show pictures of his kids.

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"These are my kids, Ashley and Madison ..."