The graph looks like this because Chad is willing to hook up with anything 4+.

I'm now seeing lots of vids with females saying they are done with dating apps, which completely misses the point. They are getting used by the Chads - which they have absolutely no chance with - and then getting ghosted. They then blame the process/app instead of thinking "hey, maybe I should lower my standards since I'm a 6, not a 10".

This is not good for society and contributing to the decrease in marriage rates, now the lowest in recorded history.

Guys, unless you're really hot, you're probably wasting your time on Tinder

As a classic Medium post explained, "the bottom 80% of men are fighting over the bottom 22% of women and the top 78% of women are fighting over the top 20% of men."

[Link below.] pic.twitter.com/5zpU0jRNyT

— Steve Stewart-Williams (@SteveStuWill) February 9, 2026

When the online dating generation gets older:

CarbonDating.com

So....nothing has changed?

rocky the dog said:

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Well her friend said she had a great sense of humor...

This has been known for years. My BIL lived through this after his divorce and has largely given up

There has to be a decent chunk of women and men not on Tinder, right?

Is this really the way people at say A&M are finding dates? I refuse to believe this is the case. I still have friends' kids getting married at what feels like a fairly traditional age.

It's true. I'm just about average height, and it took me about 5 years to meet my wife with online dating. I met a lot of crazies along the way. Total **** show.

bonfarr said:

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This has been known for years. My BIL lived through this after his divorce and has largely given up

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I feel sorry for men in their 30's/40's/50's who are in this position. No way I could do the online dating thing. If church doesn't work, my only advice would be to try to find a conservative Christian foreigner from humble beginnings (preferably Eastern European or South American), if you couldn't find a good American girl at church first. Or maybe a poor Vietnamese woman. If you keep it domestic, may have to expand your dating pool to divorced mothers.

American women are largely damaged goods with completely unrealistic expectations. The only younger people I know getting married in their 20's fell in love in college.

More people need to realize that it doesn't matter how "hot" your spouse is, if they suck they suck and you will no longer find them attractive. If they are a little more average looking, but loyal and have a good personally, you will find them MORE attractive.

Whatever happened to finding a woman in the real world? Church, the gym, a bar?

The bi-monthly thread complaining about how only hot guys can get laid has re-appeared right on schedule. Obviously, an environment like online dating apps will strongly favor good looking guys. But if you go out to a bar, restaurant, concert or any other social venue you can meet women. There are so many things a man can do, short of growing taller, that will vastly enhance his chances of landing a woman that is similar to him in looks.

It isn't just the women filtering for 6' well built handsome men with salaries over $150 k a year that caused him to give up. His preferred dating age range was 38-50 and he was shocked at how many emotionally unbalanced women he encountered. He told me some crazy stories.

93MarineHorn said:

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The bi-monthly thread complaining about how only hot guys can get laid has re-appeared right on schedule. Obviously, an environment like online dating apps will strongly favor good looking guys. But if you go out to a bar, restaurant, concert or any other social venue you can meet women. There are so many things a man can do, short of growing taller, that will vastly enhance his chances of landing a woman that is similar to him in looks.

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I might be way off as a 42 year old dude who has been married for over 20 years, but it seems like there are a ton of young, average dudes who want chicks to just like them for being male rather than putting in just an ounce of effort. Most girls don't immediately find guys attractive at first glance, they are relational.

Hogties said:

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Whatever happened to finding a woman in the real world? Church, the gym, a bar?

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#Metoo

I am not trying to be an ass, but you have no idea what it is like to go up to a girl in a bar to talk to her, then end up on an app as a creep because you simply went to talk to a girl. Women have no one to blame but themselves and they will end up extremely lonely.

Women will also figure out that the men they are after use the app as a short term solution. Shooting fish in a barrel with zero effort and zero cost to me.

Been off the market for the past 19 years and this is just one of many reasons I pray I never have to go back.

93MarineHorn said:

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The bi-monthly thread complaining about how only hot guys can get laid has re-appeared right on schedule. Obviously, an environment like online dating apps will strongly favor good looking guys. But if you go out to a bar, restaurant, concert or any other social venue you can meet women. There are so many things a man can do, short of growing taller, that will vastly enhance his chances of landing a woman that is similar to him in looks.

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Plenty of average Joe's are hooking up in real life (as in not on dating apps) because of their personality, sense of humor, whatever. Guy in my dorm at A&M seemed to hook up with different women every few weeks and no one would have called him "hot". But he was funny as hell and had a way of talking to people and they'd instantly like him.

I think it's different for people in college because there are opportunities to meet people organically. As a dad of three with a career in a male dominated industry and hobbies considered largely male oriented as well, I can tell you there are not a lot of opportunities to meet women.

In the six years since my divorce I have tried every dating app out there. I can tell you a few things. 1) it's not hard to get a date. It's just whether or not it's the person you ultimately want. 2. Women lie on their profiles. They use heavy filters, 20 year old photos, or angles that "reshape" their bodies. I finally quit these apps altogether after the last encounter. I got tired of walking in and immediately feeling disappointed. That's not how people are supposed to meet in my mind. Or at least not how I want to meet someone. Unfortunately during Covid and the years afterward, this was the only option for a lot of people. The whole #metoo crap also didn't help. I still give pause when approaching a woman because you don't know how they might receive you.

Ultimately though, meeting someone the old fashioned way is the only way any potential relationship for me is going to start off on the right foot. I try to do a lot of volunteer work now and am considering taking cooking or dance group lessons. People have emerged from their shells finally after Covid and these show a lot more promise.

The Collective said:

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93MarineHorn said:

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The bi-monthly thread complaining about how only hot guys can get laid has re-appeared right on schedule. Obviously, an environment like online dating apps will strongly favor good looking guys. But if you go out to a bar, restaurant, concert or any other social venue you can meet women. There are so many things a man can do, short of growing taller, that will vastly enhance his chances of landing a woman that is similar to him in looks.

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I might be way off as a 42 year old dude who has been married for over 20 years, but it seems like there are a ton of young, average dudes who want chicks to just like them for being male rather than putting in just an ounce of effort. Most girls don't immediately find guys attractive at first glance, they are relational.

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This is true as well, a lot of guys are at fault for the current landscape as well. But there is no denying that women in general are genuinely more mentally unstable than ever. Polls and scientific studies bear this out, and you can almost trace a lot of this back to the widespread adoption of social media.

Hogties said:

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Whatever happened to finding a woman in the real world? Church, the gym, a bar?

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Church is the absolute worst.

The girls and women would only look for the "perfect" men because they have been raised under the delusion that God had already selected their husband and he will be "perfect for her." Often they'll use the stupid phrase "waiting for my Boaz" which really meant waiting for a rich guy. If I had a $ for every time I heard that, I'd be Boaz.

Also, if you ask a woman out at church, and she turns you down, you're done at that church when it comes to meeting someone. They all talk, and they all know you asked her out. Ask out another one a year later, and she'll remember and take offense to it because it means you see her as "second best."

Old Army Ghost said:

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Having trouble with women? Your porn addiction is the reason.

https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/effects-of-pornography-on-relationships

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And what about the men who don't care about porn, but still can't get a date?

I know porn is a favorite thing for people to bash, but to blame it for every single problem is just a cheap excuse.

In my personal opinion, morality issues aside for the moment, porn is just dumb.

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I feel sorry for men in their 30's/40's/50's who are in this position. No way I could do the online dating thing. If church doesn't work, my only advice would be to try to find a conservative Christian foreigner from humble beginnings (preferably Eastern European or South American), if you couldn't find a good American girl at church first. Or maybe a poor Vietnamese woman. If you keep it domestic, may have to expand your dating pool to divorced mothers.

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There was a thread on the Aggieland Board about a local speed dating group that was trying to get more guys 45+ to join. My earlier reply on it was "I have a feeling that a lot of single guys, especially over 40, have no desire to spend their free time just to experience the real world version of being 'swiped left.'"

Here was my later response to the OP (who apparently runs the group) in reply to my "swiped left" comment as to why she's not going to get more men to participate.

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I wish I had some good suggestions, but I don't. From my perspective, for guys over 45, there just won't be much upside. I showed this thread to some friends and acquaintances who are all around the same age to see if they might have anything to add since none of them post on TA.

I would expect most people, men and women, to be courteous to one another at the event. Sure, we'd get to talk with some women for however long the timer is set for, but in the end, it would go nowhere. That is what I meant by being "swiped left." Also, if you do get a lot more men there in the 45+ range, the more choices the women have, so only the top 10%-20% will actually have a real date later. The rest get nothing but wasted time, and why spend it to ultimately get turned down over and over? No matter how old one gets, it still stings.

This is what seemed to be the biggest issue among those I spoke with. Obviously, I can't speak for every guy in B/CS, but I don't live under a rock either. Pretty much all agree there is little upside to attending such events, not only because not getting even a single date out of it is the likely outcome, but if something does come out of it, there is a lot of potential risk beyond hurt feelings.

It's vastly different for men in their 20s and 30s, and men over 45. Younger guys are going to be mostly meeting and dating single, never married women. Over 45, not so much.

I guess I'll try to explain what is off putting about the whole idea, and it pretty much is due to the types of women available to us.

Divorced- This almost always be the most common, and they are way, way too high risk given 70%-80% of divorces (depending on the stat one wants to cite) are initiated by the woman, and most of those are for no reason than she feels like it. (Seen it happen way too many times to family and friends.) Why would any guy want to have his life and financial stability ruined by taking that risk? If she did it once; good chance it would happen a second time. The exception would be those women who divorced for a legitimate reason such as adultery, abuse, etc. committed by their ex, not simply because she was bored like most of them.

And as murphyag said, having the ex around is not something a lot of guys want to deal with. (Good point BTW, wish I had thought of it.)

Never Married (No Kids)- Rare at that age, but not nonexistent either. Could be a gem, or an absolute nightmare. I will say this, I have a female friend who got married for the first time at 40, and her husband got himself a 50,000 karat gem. We still keep in touch and they're doing great; but no longer live in Texas. (In case anyone wonders why I didn't get her; I've known her since we were small children and we grew up together. I could never see her romantically, although I love her like a sister.)

Never Married Single Mothers- Potentially as risky as #1, especially if she has more than 1 kid. Sure, it's one thing if she had a child very young, decided to keep it and has been a good parent ever since. That is to be highly commended and would not be a deal killer when looking for a potential date/girlfriend. We're all human and make mistakes. However, single with multiple kids, no way. One would have to be insane to pull the pin on that hand grenade.

Widows- Sadly, probably the safest option, but the rarest (thankfully). They're not available by choice, and are likely looking for the same thing the men are; companionship, love, a person to spend the rest of their life with, and maybe for someone to be a father to her child/children (assuming the kids are younger and not older teenagers or young adults.)

Added because of murphyag's post:

Much Young Women- While some guys are fine with it, especially if sex all they're really after, many guys in their 40-50s have no desire to date someone who could be their daughter. It is simply creepy, even if she is very attractive and personality wise seems like she'd be a good match. So that would mean the youngest women most would be looking for would be in the mid/late 30s, or for guys into their 50s, women in their 40s.

Anyway, this is why I don't think there is a lot you can really do to get much better attendance then you have now. If I and almost everyone else I spoke to see giant pitfalls; it's just not going to happen. That said, one of my friends decided he is going to give it a go. I hope he does well. He's a good guy, but his luck with dating is atrocious because of his looks, mostly the fact he is rather short. Maybe if he does meet someone, it will change some minds.

I'm not going to apologize for being overly jaded, but I and many other guys have simply given up. We haven't seen any prospects for years or decades, and the risk vs. reward is simply not there anymore, especially given the ever deepening divide between men and women when it comes to politics, which is the most nuclear issue in the country right now. Also, wanting someone who shares the same religious beliefs shrinks the pool even more so.

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or just standing near me

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I don't know why, but that made me laugh.

CDUB98 said:

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or just standing near me

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I don't know why, but that made me laugh.

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I take that as a sign. Gotta be positive out there.

Thunderstruck xx said:

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It's true. I'm just about average height, and it took me about 5 years to meet my wife with online dating. I met a lot of crazies along the way. Total **** show.

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Not married again but same story for me. All I will say is, if anyone gets married after 40, you better have an iron clad pre-nup so she doesn't take half your **** just because she has a bad day.