From days of long ago,

From uncharted regions of the minor leagues,
Comes a legend,

The legend of Joey Gallo, Defender of the Donkey-Verse.
A mighty "slugger"
Loved by TexAgs
Feared by basically no one

As Gallo's legend grew, peace settled across the Major Leagues
From Arlington to the Bronx to Los Angeles to the Twin Cities, fans purchased tickets by the dozen to watch the one known as King Donkey pursue history.

But in his quest to achieve baseball greatness, a new, horrible menace arose. Jealous managers kept him on the bench. Petty pitchers threw balls he could actually hit on the ground, causing him to get injured while doing unnatural tasks like "running", and half-assed general managers sought to platoon him with "future stars."

The light began to fade and we feared that Gallo's days pursuing excellence were coming to an end.
In our most desperate hour, our nation's capital responded, sending out the call.

King Donkey was needed once more.

This is the story. Of the super force of National League cellar dwellers. So desperate for a first baseman and anything resembling a power hitter that they were sent by the Nationals to bring back:

GALLO, DEFENDER OF THE DONKEY-VERSE




My friends, I humbly submit to you the 4th annual installment of the Joey Gallo Watch aka "Finding Mark Reynolds" aka "The quest for 223: Saluting the Greatest Whiffers in the Game today."

What started as a way to celebrate Joey Gallo's near miss at the single-season strikeout record in 2021 has evolved into the most important thread in TexAgs history, according to Billy Liucci*

It is a joyous place where fans of Joey Gallo and the rest of those lovable idiots who tally more strikeouts than hits in a single season can come together and appreciate the fine art of going to the plate without a single clue what's going to happen and swiftly returning to the dugout after several wild flails at the ball.

2023 was a gorgeous year for the strikeout, with three guys breaking 200, including Kyle Schwarber at 215, Eugenio Suarez at 214, and his teammate Teoscar Hernandez at 211. Julio Rodriguez added 175 for the Mariners, giving them an exact total of 600 the first time in MLB history that 3 guys on one team have combined for 600.

Meanwhile, trapped in the Twin Cities, Joseph Tiberius Gallo slumped to 45th in the strikeout race with 142, but he missed 54 games injured, hung over and/or combing his beard. That's a pace for 213 in a season, which would tie his all-time high.

As mentioned in the opening, the Washington Nationals took a flying "whatever" on Gallo, signing him to a 1-year, $8 million contract to play first base and bat 3rd, 4th, or 5th for them. This is such exciting news, because they suck, and that means he can play every damn day and nobody will care.

Let's take a look at how Joey is doing on those all-time leaderboards.

Career strikeouts: 1,190, tied for 223rd with Will Clark and Brady Anderson. He needs just 40 whiffs to get into the Top 200. If he stays healthy and strikes out 200 times this year, he'll be into the top 125 all time.

Active strikeouts: He's #20 right now. He's also the only guy in the top 35 still in his 20s. He's just 16 behind Elvis Andrus for 19th. He's going to ride the crazy train all year if the Injury Gods allow.

How's Joey doing in spring training you might ask?
Uh, does the word DOMINANT mean anything to you?
As of 3/17/24 he was 3 for 27 with 0 home runs, 2 RBI, and 14 strikeouts. Can you say mid-season form? Pro-rate those numbers over 162 games, and we're talking 48 hits, 32 RBI, and 227 strikeouts.
Yeah, LOCKED IN is the phrase you're searching for right now.

So what's left to discuss? The Nationals open their season on Thursday, March 28 at 3:10 p.m. CDT at Cincinnati.

Joey Gallo's home opener with the Nationals, in a script so good it seems like it's from Hollywood, is on April Fool's Day.

The Nationals have a lot to live up to after going 71-91 last year. How will Joey mesh with young stars like ….. what' his name, and the other guy? We'll just have to wait and see. For the time being though, I leave you with some thoughts from the Counting Crows.
.
After a long December, there's reason to believe
Maybe this season will be better for Joey than the last.
And if you think he might break Mark Reynolds' record?
I think he should.

A closing note about Joey's dominance, courtesy of my friends on the Astros' thread.

the all-time Home Run leader for each MLB franchise, but only players with a career batting average under .200 pic.twitter.com/5xONOjOVMc

— BrooksGate (@Brooks_Gate) March 18, 2024

NOTE: This thread is not for personal attacks against anyone, disparaging posts about the nature of this thread, or anyone who wants to accuse myself or anyone else of being a loser, having too much time on my hands, or anything else. Staff is asked to remove any hate speech or other derogatory comments concerning posters. This thread is for fun and satire.

* Billy Liucci did not actually say this.

In

Maybe this is the year he increases his 2 career sac flies by 50%.

I made this perfectly tasteful gaudy chart just for you King Donkey!

Do not alter the course!
Do not stray from your two true outcome roots!
Do not let us down. Go forth and be great!

God speed King Donkey! God speed!

Wait, I must have missed it but I thought he only had 2 career sac flies but he's at 3???

This shatters all my notions of what is right & proper in the world of baseball.

Unfortunately, it does appear to be true. The valiant Gallo nay King Donkey somehow managed to add a whopping 1 additional SF to his blistering total of 2 in the year of our lord 2022. I cannot explain how this happened or the circumstance under which this was allowed to occur and yet, according to BR indeed it did. I know that it can be difficult to keep up when the numbers are at a virtual standstill but alas we shall recover from this and we shall go on. We must!

Just to double down on the sacrifice fly thing. Eddie Murray is the all-time leader with 128. Joey has amassed 3 in his first 863 games. If he can maintain that pace, he will break Murray's record sometime in late May of the 2251 season when he is 256 years old.

You got this, Donk!

Our Lord and Donkey went 0-for-4 in a 10-1 win over the Astros on Monday, but somehow didn't strike out. He did lower his batting average to a gorgeous .097 for spring training with a .129 slugging percentage and a .176 on-base percentage.

How does this compare to previous spring training efforts? Let's take a trip in the time machine.

2013: He hit .400 with 2 strikeouts in 5 at-bats as a rookie (Whiff rate: 40%)
2014: 0-for-6 with 5 strikeouts. (Whiff rate: 83.3%)

2015: He hit .250 with 8 strikeouts in 32 at-bats (Whiff rate: 25%)
2016: He hit an unreal .286 with just 9 strikeouts in 28 at-bats (Whiff rate 31.4%)

2017: He course-corrected to his true form, hitting .208 with 23 strikeouts in 53 at-bats. (Whiff rate 43.3%).
2018: He hit.255 with 11 strikeouts in 55 at-bats (Whiff rate: 20%)

2019: He hit .206 with 16 strikeouts in 34 at-bats (Whiff rate: 47%)
2020: He hit .194 with 17 strikeouts in 31 at-bats (Whiff rate 54.8%)

2021: He hit. .318 (huh?) with 15 strikeouts in 44 at-bats (Whiff rate 34.3%)
2022: He hit .250 with 13 strikeouts in 32 at-bats (Whiff rate: (40.6%)

2023: He hit .214 with 14 strikeouts in 42 at-bats (Whiff rate 33%)
2024: Hitting .097 with 14 strikeouts in 31 at-ats (Whiff rate: 45.1%)

So basically in 2019, he figured this whole "don't hit the ball" thing out and has been dominating ever since.

This is a really strange bit to keep up....

MattAg06 said:

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This is a really strange bit to keep up....

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Ranger fans are always welcome!

MattAg06 said:

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This is a really strange bit to keep up....

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Not really. Especially if you're like myself and find the fact that a player like Gallo continues to be paid to play professionally despite not being able to hit 80% of his weight and whiffs an an absurd pace. Gallo's approach at the plate is an insult to good baseball.

No, it's weird. I mean I get it, part of it is trolling Ranger fans. But writing novels, and looking up the dude's career spring training stats.....?

MattAg06 said:

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No, it's weird. I mean I get it, part of it is trolling Ranger fans. But writing novels, and looking up the dude's career spring training stats.....?

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If you can't contribute to the purpose of this thread, you're going to have to exit, pardner.

If loving Joey Gallo is wrong, I don't want to be right.

In case you were sweating it out, Dave Martinez has named Joey Gallo the Nationals' Opening Day First Baseman.

here's a little gem from their blog page.

Since becoming a full-time MLB players in 2017, Gallo ranks second in the league with 1,114 strikeouts, 18th with 445 walks and 14th with 191 homers. He has racked up 42 defensive runs saved as an outfielder since debuting in 2015, but he hasn't gotten past zero defensive runs saved in 147 games as a first baseman.

And here's something if you need a new desktop pattern - MattAg06, feel free to use this free of charge.



And here's an actual quote from the king himself: This is 100% real.

"For me, I've always loved having young guys around, because I like them to watch me and how I run, how I play. Maybe not necessarily hit or whatever, but just the way you go about your business,

The Porkchop Express said:

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"For me, I've always loved having young guys around, because I like them to watch me and how I run, how I play. Maybe not necessarily hit or whatever, but just the way you go about your business,

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The coveted blue parachute has never been more warranted than at this moment in time.

Every little boy playing Little League in ballfields across America should be dreaming of the moment when he can come to the plate in an MLB game, shut his eyes tightly and attribute it to a facial tic as the pitcher winds up, and swing for the fences.

Fly on, you beautiful Donkey, fly on!!!

I have found the equivalent of the Zapruder film for this thread on YouTube. Video of all three of King Donkey's sac flies.

if Ohtani gets suspended for gambling, how quickly does LA dial up the Nationals inquiring about a former legendary slugger for their roster?