It's literally the worst kind of dream that I have where I throw punches only to find out they have zero effect on the target. My mans in white gave Chris Simms his best in what third coast described accurately as a 25% capacity setting...and he ATE them like breakfast muffins they were. I could never show my face back in Toyota Center after that.

Head Ninja In Charge said:

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It's literally the worst kind of dream that I have where I throw punches only to find out they have zero effect on the target. My mans in white gave Chris Simms his best in what third coast described accurately as a 25% capacity setting...and he ATE them like breakfast muffins they were. I could never show my face back in Toyota Center after that.

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Chris Simms!!!

Ya boi in the icy whites has punching power commensurate with his outfit.

The Zapruder Film has surfaced. Slow morning at work and I have some thoughts below:

1. It appears that the brawl starts with Drake in the icy whites and Chris Farley.
2. I had not noticed the usher in the other video but I guess breaking up fights is not part of the job description. He does a plus level moonwalk out of there...but does stay close enough to watch the fight. He plays this just the right way for a guy making $9.95/hr. that does not deserve to be sucker punched, but should get to enjoy the occasional brawl.
3. Farley shows nice OL technique trucking Drake and comes up and gets some nice shots on Camo Hakeem. Unfortunate though, because up to the point Dream was trying to be a peacemaker.
4. Vest guy is funny. On the one hand he wants to help, but he's clearly the guy who least wants any sort of contact. The way he darts in and out and absolutely ghosts when Drake comes after Chris Simms is hilarious.
5. Speaking of Simms, hard to tell because he's the only one masked up, but I think he might be a 13-14 year-old boy and I petition for a name change to Macaulay.
6. Culkin really does "eat those punches like breakfast muffins". He appears hammered (the whole video he is looking around casually and calmly like he's birdwatching), but I don't think he's drunk because...
7. There is a surprising lack of beers being drunk/spilled all over for a sporting event fight of this nature. Usually the beer being spilled on the fat chick is a staple of this type of melee.
8. Dream is obviously still salty about getting Roddy Pipered and goes after Farley. This is the turning point. Farley deftly dodges the Star Punch, but then gets chop blocked by the row in front of him, takes a hard fall and doinks his head on the top of the chairbacks, accompanied by an audible gasp from the audience. He comes up tapping out and from this point forward you can tell isht has gotten real for him and he's trying to get out ASAFP of this so he can enter the concussion protocol.
9. Security finally saunters up with all the urgency you would expect from off-duty cops that just wants to watch some hoops and make some beer money.

My main takeaway if you're going to get in an arena fight, Seats Team is definitely giving up at least a TD right off the bat to Aisle Team for having to balance themselves in an 18" space with their own chairs at their knees and the chairs in front at their shins while fighting. You have all tried to navigate large people and purses and half-eaten nachos to get to a middle seat. Now imagine trying to have a sloppy bar fight in that same space.

What a nightmare!

Fantastic!! well done!!